Tips for Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 24: Road Changes

by HolographicLadybug

Published March 2, 2016

E - Everyone

In Tips for Taking Over Summer Camp

Chapter Twenty-Four: Road Changes

“Link!” I screamed, shaking his shoulders. “LIIIIINNNNKKKK!”

He suddenly shot up from his position and looked at me with wide eyes. His sudden reaction sent me reeling back and onto the ground after losing my balance.

“Ah! Zombie!” I shouted, but instantly felt like hitting myself. Way to say something so clichéd.

“Why’d you have to make me up?” Link whined. “I was sleeping.”

Wha? I though. So he wasn’t dead?

“I thought you were dead or something," I replied, standing back up again and dusting myself off.

“Dead?!” Link stood up as well. “The least you could do is ask first.”

I want to strangle that kid, I thought, grinding my teeth. “If you were dead, then you wouldn’t answer, would you?”

I didn’t wait for his reply before continuing up the road. I was sick of putting up with him and didn’t want to listen to any more of his whining. Part of me wished that I had never even bothered looking for him in the first place, but I knew that thinking that sort of thing was wrong. How would I feel if I was lost and nobody wanted to look for me?

“Where are you going?” Link complained, joining my side. “You can’t leave again. You’re only going to get lost like you just did.”

“I’m fine,” I growled.

“But you stormed off last time before I could even build a compass.”

“A…what?”

“Well, if you take a leaf, put water onto it so the leaf becomes some sort of bowl, put a small piece of bark in the water, and add a piece of metal, you get a compass.”

My fists clenched. “And where would you get said piece of metal?”

“From your necklace, of course.”

I let out a sigh of frustration and picked up my pace, hoping to get as far away from Link as I could. “It’s wood, Link.”

~

The bitter wind was trying to push us back. It shook the trees in angry rage and pierced our skin with what felt like air-icicles. My hair was being thrown across my face like ever-changing ocean waves. Strands of it sometimes got trapped between my eyelids, only to slide out a seconds later.

I hugged my arms closer to my body, hoping that my thin shirt would protect me somewhat from the cold. My shoes had dried off by now, but I could still feel the slight numbness in my toes. They ached, too, along with the rest of my lower body from walking all day. I hadn’t heard Link talk since I stormed off ahead, but I had checked over my shoulder a few times to see him a couple of meters away.

What time is it? I wondered. I then risked a glance back at my cabin mate. I wonder if he has some clever way to tell the time like he did with the compass. I shook my head. No. I refuse to have anything to do with him anymore.

The landscape hadn’t changed much between the start of the paved road and the incline which we were climbing up. The trees stayed the same. The weeds stayed the same. The song of the crickets stayed the same.

Ugh! When will I get out of here?

Just as I was about to ask Link if we were going in the right direction (he might have known), I heard the roaring sound of a truck’s motor and a pair of yellow lights spilled up ahead at the top of our incline. But they disappeared as soon as they appeared and the motor was replaced by the squealing of truck tires and...was that a shout?

I stopped, my exhausted legs ready to leap out of the way in case the truck came barreling towards us. I kept still, ready, playing with possibilities in my mind.

Could it be one of the councillors looking for us?

“What are you staring at?” Link asked, appearing beside me.

“Huh?” I said, snapping back to reality. “Oh, nothing.”

Could it all have been my imagination? I mentally shook my head. No way. That had to be something. But…. What?

As we continued, I asked, “Link, did you hear a truck and see some lights up ahead?”

“When you stopped?”

“Yeah.”

Link shook his head. “No. Are you sure you heard one?”

I felt a twinge of annoyance towards him again, but didn’t storm ahead like I usually did. Instead, I stayed put and we continued our search for CALAC side by side.

~

I was shivering by the time our road veered onto a larger road that seemed much more frequently managed. An ocean of weeds didn’t boarder its sides and there weren’t as many potholes. Well, there were a few, but they weren’t as big and were very scarce.

Link and I both broke into big grins and we hurried onto it. As soon as our feet touched its slightly darker surface, we exchanged excited looks.

But my smile soon faded. “Which way?” We could either go left or right and both paths could lead us into totally different directions. Heck, this road might not even lead us to camp.

“I say right,” Link answered.

“Please tell me that your answer isn’t pun-oriented.”

“No. But I have a feeling that that direction is west, which is the direction of camp.” Once he noticed my unsure look, he added, “or we can try the compass.”

“No, no,” I said, heading in our decided direction. “Let’s go.”

After a while, we both got bored and started attempting conversation. Our first few attempts were really awkward because we knew nothing about each other, but we soon got used to our personalities and were talking like a pair of friends...sort of.

“So how did you figure out the compass thing?” I asked.

Link shrugged. “Heard it somewhere.”

“Did you actually use one? Was that why you went into a different direction?”

“No. You looked like you really wanted to get away from me, though.” He yawned. “I’m still really tired.”

I yawned as well. “Same.”

After a few moments of silence, I decided to revive the conversation. “So what got you into theatre?”

“I auditioned for a school play a couple of years ago and got into a small part. I’ve been acting ever since, but still in small parts. How about you?”

I explained my acting history to him for the following few minutes. I was getting so lost into my history that for a few moments, I forgot about my tiredness and angry stomach. I thought for a moment that I was actually beginning to enjoy his company.

“Wow. Your history is a lot better than mine,” Link said after I finished. “I wish mine was better,” he added with a defeated sigh.

We exchanged a few more words before both of us stopped in our tracks and stared at something that was right at the treeline. Our jaws fell open. I couldn't decided between collapsing from relief or running forward as fast as I could, which clearly wasn't going to be very fast. After a long stunned silence, we exchanged glances yet again before darting forward.

We had seen the CALAC sign.

~

My legs felt weak and I couldn’t help but crave sleep as we came onto the parking lot. The Milky Way split the sky above our camp in two, dividing the theater cabin and the mess hall from the other cabins, reminding me slightly of the mistreatment we had received earlier.

“Down there!” I cried, pointing to the fire pit where an intense orange glow was illuminating. I could see a couple of figures seated before the flames, their long shadows flickering and fidgeting.

Together, we both ran towards the fire. With every step, my stomach let out a soft growl and my necklace slammed against my chest. Cora and Rowan both came into sight, revealed to be the figures and I could feel a happy smile creeping onto my face. My smile was so broad that it hurt. We had done it. We finally made if home.

“Cora! Rowan!” I shouted, waving my arms around.

They both turned to me and a smile broke onto our councillor’s face. Rowan, on the other hand, just kept a blank look and crossed her arms.

“Molly! Link!” Cora shouted, standing up. “You’re back!”

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review Review · May 15, 2016

Hi there!

I haven't read any of the previous chapters, so feel free to ignore any of my ignorance. I just want to help you out so your lovely piece won't be stuck in the Green Room for ages ^_^

His sudden reaction sent me reeling back and onto the ground after losing my balance.

This is just a comment is just for continuity sake, making sure things all line up. I did go back to the end of the previous chapter to see what had happened to Link so I'd have a better understanding. At the end of the last chapter he's on the ground, supposedly dead. However, once he wakes up, Molly reels back and stumbles to the ground. She's already on the ground next to him, isn't she? ;) A better way that could be described is saying she jumped up and then lost her balance, or perhaps jumped so much that she lost her balance. When I read "reeling back" I think of someone stumbling backward on their feet. One moment Molly is on the ground shaking Link and the next she's on her feet. It just doesn't seem to fit right.

Sticking with that same opening scene, I wanted to touch on the emotions. There really isn't much there. Despite how Molly might feel about Link, I can tell she's not quite his biggest fan, I can imagine there wouldn't be a grand reaction. But no matter what, if someone were to think someone was dead, that's a big thing to deal with. I wanted to see more relief that he was alive, more annoyance that he had done this to her. Molly is rather surprised that he's alive and then goes on to say how annoyed she is with him, but that's it. I don't see anything more than that. If you expand upon the emotions it'll really make the scene come to life. One way you can do that is dwell in Molly's mind for a little longer. Maybe having her imagine what would've happened if he was really dead, or remembering all the other stupid pranks he pulled on her. Something along those lines would really help. It doesn't have to be exactly that of course, seeing as it's your story, but I just wanted to explain a little more.

I like your description of the woods (or the road their walking on?). You've created such a strong picture of the area around them. I've read so many scenes from books and pieces on here that take place in the woods. There isn't much new that I can get from a different scene. However, yours definitely gave me a different image. There was just enough imagery that I could get a clear picture. But what really brought it to life was Molly. Her thoughts, the way she trudged along, still angry at Link, but desperate enough to keep checking on him. I really enjoyed the way that scene came to life.

The breaks in the chapter cause a bit too much pause for me. I enjoy reading things that flow nicely. Of course there are going to be times for breaks, like when there's just too much time passing or something needs to be completely emphasized. However, I don't see a need for any of that in this chapter. Except maybe after Molly sees the truck. I'm kind of on the fence with that one. If you think about it, not all that much time has past between the beginning and end of this chapter. It's been less than a day because they didn't stop to eat or rest. So why the need to break so many times? A simple transition can be used instead, having Molly complain about the hours it took or paying attention to something to pass the time. Or you could just jump to another time in the next paragraph. Say something like "those last three hours were dreadful." It works just as well and gives the chapter a more calm feeling. As it is now, it's a bit jerky which makes it harder to follow.

From what I've read, this seems like a transition chapter. As in, a break in the action for the sake of not overwhelming readers. You've done a good job with it. The tone fits the situation perfectly. And even from a small glimpse at your characters, I can tell they're quite developed. By the end I felt like I knew Molly quite well. That's not something I always find when I'm reading a stand alone chapter. I'm impressed.

I'm glad I stumbled across this. I enjoyed reading it :)

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

User avatar
ParchedPen
Review
ParchedPen wrote a review Review · Mar 2, 2016

Hello there. I'm Pen and I'll review this piece, hoping to be helpful!!
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“LIIIIINNNNKKKK"----> Try to avoid those many letters for emphasis. It usually makes your reader feel he's in a chatroom. Instead, just tell us how the name echoed lengthly, almost shattering his ears before he woke up. I don't know, but that was an example of what I mean.

“Why’d you have to make me up?”-----> Just a typo. "Wake" instead of "make".

"Part of me wished that I had never even bothered looking for him in the first place, but I knew that thinking that sort of thought was wrong." ------>
-----> 1- "bothered looking" is a little too heavy. Maybe make it "bothered to look". You have to think of how words sound on your reader's tongue.
2-"thinking that thought" needs altering. You can't say "drinking the drink" because it's redundant and you must make your vocab vary. Think of something like "having such a cruel thought//daring to think in such a vulgar way//owning a thought that horrid". Anything, but keep it varied.

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Your piece is interesting, makes me want to read more, but the writing style... The rhythm needs to be more vivid. Vocab needs to be more varied and wealthy, because I think the way you write is a little rushed. Take your time and think your words through.

Also, make sure you reread before you put the piece up. There are a lot of spelling mistakes that you'll find if you read your writings again. Proofreadig is as important as the first draft.

Good luck and keep up.

Hi! Thanks for the review. I will definitely make some changes. I usually do reread my chapters before posting, but I just wasn't in the mood to put up with revising after I finished it. Why I still posted it anyway? Uh, I actually have no answer to that.
Do you have any suggestions to make this seem less rushed? I know of some parts that will be fixed, but hearing some suggestions could really bring it a step further. Thanks. :)
P.S. I love your username.

So what? Just poat whenever you feel like it, no matter how terrible it might seem to your eyes. It's still good practice, always. I wish I have your courage, because I always am reluctant to share my writings. Am a perfectionist!!
How to slow it down? First of all, you need to know your characters- the main ones at least. Know how they look like when they're angry or sad. Maybe you'll realize that one of them feels instantly hungry when they're angry! Who knows what those little characters do behind our backs?
Also, fill the piece with details. Take your time. It's okay to tell us that fingers hurt a little when they were clinched. It's awesome to tell that it grew a little hot when the character got angry.
Tell the story. Just taste it slowly against your tongue. It's art, so watch it happen with heart.
Moat importantly!!! Write a lot and post a lot.

Thanks for asking for my advice. Anytime, juat ask! Will be at your service once possible. I hopethere are no mistakes in my spelling. Because man, how bad will I look. I'm a bit rushed too, lol!

Thanks for the feedback (again)! I will get right to the editing. :)



I'm also not sure why but even though I normally wear cool tones I have a feeling red would have been my color in the 1860s.
— Elinor