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Tips for Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 12: Pathetically, No Savior.... Maybe

by HolographicLadybug


Chapter Twelve: Pathetically, No Savoir…. Maybe

I wanted to run. I wanted to cheat and escape and return to my cabin mates. But I knew that that would result in the punishment of my team as well as me. I had been waiting on the ground for a while now as the rude boy watched over me. By now he had settled onto the ground before a tree. He would occasionally mutter something rude to me, but I just ignored him, hoping that my team would hear my desperate mental pleas.

I wished that this would turn into some sort of fantasy novel where my cabin and I develop telekinetic powers. We would figure out that we’re really members of a secret race of perfect humanoids who also had special powers like my own. We would then embark on the journey of a lifetime that involves my very existence.

I silently decided that that would make a very good book and set the idea aside for later.

“What’s your name, anyway?” I asked the boy. I had no reason for why I wanted to know; I was just curious.

“Pffft! As if I’ll tell you!” he scoffed.

I shrugged. Figures that he wouldn’t. He’s rude and snobby, so why would he? I wouldn’t tell him my name either.

Suddenly, the noise of quick footsteps approached us and I sat up. A tall figure flickered through the trees, reminding me of the work of amateur animators, all choppy and flickery-like.

“Hey!” they called. “Butt-head! Stop picking on my camper!”

Cora! She was still out here? I found it hard to believe that she had survived on this side this long without getting captured. She must have returned several times back to our side. Lucky. I couldn’t even go onto the other side without getting captured.

The boy, on the other hand, seemed to be trying to decide whether or not to chase her. He had stood up and was switching his gaze between me and Cora.

At last, he sighed and said, “Oh, whatever. You’re not going anywhere.” With that, he took off after my councillor.

I felt glad that he had left, but now Cora could be in serious trouble.

Also, why did she draw him away from me?


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737 Reviews


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Wed Mar 23, 2016 8:38 pm
CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there HolographicLadybug. It's just lizzy dropping by once again so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Here I am, back to review the next chapter. This review is probably going to be very short because the chapter is really short. That means our time together shall be short. Enough with the chit chat because this is where the real review begins.

Despite the length, you were able to pack a lot into a couple of words. Not just with the action but also with the emotion. There was this one part I just felt the need to comment on because I couldn't tell if I was interpreting it right.

I wished that this would turn into some sort of fantasy novel where my cabin and I develop telekinetic powers. We would figure out that we’re really members of a secret race of perfect humanoids who also had special powers like my own. We would then embark on the journey of a lifetime that involves my very existence.

When I read this I laughed quite a bit. It sounded like five or six Star Trek episodes crammed into one or two sentences. To me I would have used this for comedic value but I wasn't sure how you were using it. I don't know this method is repetitive but what was your reason for those line?

Once more I have read another of your chapters and I have to leave the grammar, spelling, and typos category empty. Can't just throw me one thing? Just one comma or misplaced space? That would make me so happy to have an actual line filled with actual comments here. But then again I'm thankful that there were no mistakes.

Well that's unfortunately all I have for this review. Sorry if I couldn't offer more than a couple of words of advice but your story was already great.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy: Queen of the Book Clubs




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207 Reviews


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Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:29 am
Rin321 wrote a review...



Hey HolographicLadybug! CHRISSY321 back for more!

This was a really short chapter! Again-you left me with nothing to correct! You are making my job harder!

I have a few questions and comments though:

Question #1 - again-WHY the heck are the other people so rude? This rotten boy has been mean to her for no reason! Yeah, there is some competition for the games, but I think he is just being so rough for a boy towards a girl!

“Hey!” they called. “Butt-head! Stop picking on my camper!”


This struck me as odd. Usually the counselor is older, and I don't think the councilor would call another younger kid a 'Butthead'. That seems a little too immature! I think you could have came up with a more clever name.

Overall this is great-but you are leaving so many questions unanswered! Guess I have to keep reading :P ;)





But if he hadn't said that, Bear Thompson wouldn't have been himself.
— CaptainJack