Chapter Twenty-Six: We’re Old
“What?!” I exclaimed. “What do you mean? Why don’t you know?!”
Rowan shrugged. “It’s just…tradition, I guess.”
“Tradition? What do mean by ‘tradition’?” Silvia exclaimed.
“W-well—“ Rowan sputtered.
“You’ve got some explaining to do, Rowan,” Silvia continued, spitting out every word as if it tasted foul to be in her mouth.
“I know, I know,” Rowan said. She patted her head twice before placing a finger on her nose. “It…it’s always been this way.” She then removed her finger and placed her hands on her knees. “Last year, it was like this. Cora telled us that. As did Lucy, and she had been at CALAC for four years. But last year was her final and she is too old for camp now. She tells me it tradition. Reason probably long-forgotten. No idea why they councillors still let it be, but it is the way it is now, so no changing yet.”
“But why would she keep coming back if the theatre cabin keeps getting bullied like this?” I asked.
“She told me that her older sister would dress her up in a tutu and make her do embarrassing things all summer and going to camp was the only way to get away from that,” Rowan answered, staring out of the window where soft light was starting to flood in and the sky was acquiring a lighter tinge. “I hope she found a new camp.”
“Rowan,” Silvia said, “this is your second here, right? Why did you come back?”
I could see the fresh morning light fill Rowan’s eyes as she spoke. They lit up like stars, making them seem curious and innocent. “Because I like acting. Something little like mean campers isn’t going to drive me away from my passion. It’s going to take a lot more than that.” She sat back on her elbows and smiled. “Plus, next year I’ll have some new friends to look forward to. Hardly anyone’s going to stick, you know.” She turned to Silvia. “And you can’t fool me. I know how old you are. This is your first and last year. It won’t matter if you enjoy it or now because you’ll never get to come back. But Silvia, next year will be my last and I will have to bid farewell, just like you this year. But I am fortunate because it is not my first visit.” She chuckled dryly. “But the chances of either of you coming back are slim. Have a nice summer.”
“Why does fourteen have to be the maximum age?” I heard Silvia murmurunder her beath.
Rowan shrugged. “Dunno. But like I said, the odds of either of you coming back are slim.”
Silvia snorted. “Yeah, right. Like I’d want to come back!”
She’s going to miss us, I thought. Even her pride can’t cover that, nor her aggression.
“I’m not leaving. I’m staying,” I stated. My words seemed to shatter a silence which had taken hold of the room over the last few seconds. They sounded so sudden, something said last-minute because I couldn’t keep up with the conversation.
“You can be sure?” Rowan questioned. “How? You know what I said.” She offered another chuckle. “Summer’s only started. Sureness is not a friend.”
“Look,” I said, “the camp I used to go to, Newwodtunrub, burned down recently. I have been going there since I was little—six or seven—and I was going to be a junior councillor this summer. Unfortunately, that’s never going to happen.” My voice began to become thick with emotion with every word I spoke. Tears kept welling up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I was forced to blink rapidly to keep them at bay. “I miss it all. My summer friends, Councillor Talia, Councillor Jake, the fun games…” My voice wavered on every word and the last one came out as a dry croak. A couple of thin tears dribbled from my eyes and my throat was clogged with emotion. I wrapped my arms around my body and hugged myself tightly, reminding myself of those hugs, those soothing embraces, that Mom would grant me whenever I was upset.
“I miss it all,” I finished, each word soaked in emotion. More tears raced down my face and I fought the sobs that rose out of my throat. I could feel a trail of mucus trying to escape the reaches of my nose even though I had already begun sniffling.
All three of us sat on the floor for a few upset moments, only the noises of my sniffling providing sound. My gaze was at my hands, not daring to look up at my cabin mates. I didn’t want them to see me in such a weakened state.
Why does life have to be so unfair?
Just then, I felt soft fibers brush my shoulders and I looked up at Silvia, who smiled as she draped my blanket over me. With a shaky hand, I gripped the fabric and offered an upset smile.
Silvia then reached up to her bunk and brought down her own blanket. Plopping down beside me, she covered her shoulders in her own just as I felt Rowan at my side. Slowly, I laid back, my long, flame-coloured hair spilling onto the floor. My two friends joined me. Yes, they proceeded in laying on my hair and thus pinning me to the ground, but I still managed to smile and brush the salty tears from my face.
“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Rowan asked.
I nodded the best I could and closed my stinging eyes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello! I'm here to rescue this from the Green Room.
I don't think that this is really necessary. It felt kind of awkward, and it doesn't really do anything for the story.I agree with everything that Rydia said. Watch out for typos, and make characters speak consistently.
Coming from my older-person perspective, this seemed a bit dramatic, though I've never been to a long summer camp, so I don't know how intense emotions can be about it. I feel like the emotions built too quickly in this chapter. Maybe slow it down a bit. Add more action in between the dialogue. It's very dialogue-heavy, and while there is a bit of action at the end, there's a lot of unnecessary-sounding yelling at the beginning of the chapter, which turned me off of it initially. If they're really close friends, I don't feel like yelling at each other would be very realistic. Especially the part when one character tells the other that they have explaining to do. Not knowing what this novel was about when I started reading this chapter, I thought that they were yelling at some incompetent sidekick about something they messed up, not friends actually asking for an explanation. There's a difference in tone.
Another line that doesn't really do anything for the story is It's obvious how the main character is feeling. This only beats the reader over the head with the same idea. Skip straight to her friend putting a blanket on her. It's more indicative of feeling without telling the reader what's going on.
You did do a good job of capturing the feeling of friends supporting you, though. It felt warm and fuzzy as I was reading it.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy review day, and keep writing!
Happy review day!
Try to avoid being overly wordy as most things sound better short. If they're good, descriptive words then go for it but avoid filler words like this.Specifics
1. The dialogue doesn't make a very interesting start to the chapter and it's quite possible that your readers are coming back to this after a day or two so you should open either with some setting to remind readers where the scene is and with which characters or with an interesting line of dialogue to pull them back in. Always start every chapter as though your readers put it down at the end of the last one.
2.
3. Rowan has an interesting way of speaking in her first lines of dialogue with 'Cora telled us' and 'it tradition' instead of Cora told us and it's tradition. However, this doesn't continue in later lines so it makes me wonder if these were typos? If Rowan is going to speak differently, she has to do it consistently.
4. I'm not sure I'm following. Before she said she'd get to make new friends next year since most wouldn't be coming back but now she's saying she won't be coming back? It may be obvious to people who've read earlier chapters but I'm confused.
5.
Overall
There's a nice level of emotion in this and the characters come through well but I don't know where they are until the very end of the chapter. You need to sneak in at least a little setting description early on for those readers who've put the book down for a bit and then come back to it. Then they can picture the scene and get absorbed in the story.
This flowed well for the most part and it seems like a good filler chapter for between action scenes.
All the best,
Heather