z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Tips For Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 8: In Which We All Get Dirty Looks

by HolographicLadybug


Chapter Eight: In Which We All Get Dirty Looks

Like the inside of the cabin, CALAC was bathed in shining light. The cabins from the other side of camp were also hit full-force. A group of three boys were exiting one of the cabins. From the other side of camp, their faces relaxed and smiling as they headed towards the building which I assumed was the mess.

Despite all of the trees, there was very little shade, the only bits of it clinging to the side like the remnants from the thin froth of a smoothie to the sides of a cup. The center of the camp with the fire pit and benches was occupied by two girls who sat there with pieces of toast. They were talking very little and preferred looking at the ground than each other.

Silvia, Rowan, and I headed towards the building closest to the parking lot, which was the biggest of them all. It had one floor like the others, but was very wide and had multiple windows. A pair of glass doors that you would typically see at a store of some sort served as the entryway. It was opened smoothly by a tall man with black hair and a bit of a beard. Once he saw us coming, he held open the door for us.

“Thank you, Al,” Rowan said as we passed.

The man, who I assumed was Al, nodded and let the door shut behind us before heading off to the other side of camp.

We found ourselves in front of a doorway which led to a large area that was filled with five circular tables on one side and a station where the chefs handed out food to us campers. I could smell the tantalizing aroma of oranges, freshly cooked bread, and toast. A line of campers and two older people who I assumed were councillors waited to be delivered their food. They each carried silver trays that were complete with glossy white plates, fabric napkins, and shiny forks, spoons, and knives. After they were given their nutritious meal, they wandered over to one of the tables.

“Molly! Rowan! Silvia! Over here!” a voice called.

We looked towards the back of the mess hall to see Cora sitting at one of the tables, waving at us excitedly. We trotted over to her and sat down.

“How did you girls sleep?” Cora asked.

Rowan stretched out her arms. “Rock-like.”

“I second that,” Silvia agreed.

“The beds are very comfortable,” I added.

“Great,” Cora chirped. “Do you want to wait for the boys or go get food now?”

My stomach rumbled in protest of the first option. “I think that it would be best that we eat.”

The other girls nodded in agreement and we got up and walked towards the line. As we passed tables, some of the other campers gave us strange and sometimes disgusted looks like we were growing pickle green sausages out of our hands. That thought made me check my hands self consciously. Nope. No sausages.

“What are you looking at?” Silvia asked rather aggressively. Her eyes narrowed and her fists were clenched tight. “What’s wrong with getting some nourishment? Huh?”

Some of the onlookers turned to their food instantly and others just narrowed their eyes or muttered a few curses under their breaths.

“Mind your own business!” Silvia screamed at the last remaining spectators.

Instantly, they gave her one last glare and turned back to their food. When one stuck her tongue out at her, Silvia cursed under her breath.

“Calm down, Silvia,” Cora said. “No need to start a fight.”

To that, the camper just huffed, walked ahead of us and joined the line, her arms crossed.

“What was that about?” I murmured to Rowan as we joined the line as well.

“Silvia?” Rowan asked.

“No, those other campers glaring at us. What did we do to them?”

“It’s not what we did to them. So—“

Before she could finish, she was interrupted by someone calling Silvia’s name. We all turned to see a boy running towards us. He looked exactly like Silvia would if she were male, except his eyes were brown and kind. Like her, he had blonde hair, but his was really short. He looked around thirteen and tall for his age, but was nearly a head shorter than the furious girl.

He was followed by a pale-skinned boy who carried a book and just looked at the ground instead of anywhere else and a Japanese boy with a thick pink scar on his cheek.

“Christian! It’s about time you got here. What took you so long?” Silvia said to the first boy.

Christian shrugged. “Slept in. Sorry.”

Cora nodded. “Well at least he wasn’t too late. Great thing we’re all here now. Our table is at the back of the mess.”

I looked over at Rowan to see if she was doing anything strange again and was not surprised to see that she was. She had picked up a tray of her own from the stack behind us and was sniffing it. She was taking deep sniffs as if she were a dog which had caught onto a rather delicious smell. I grabbed my own tray and asked her what she was doing.

“Nnnnnnnnn…” Rowan replied.

I rolled my eyes. This is going to be a long summer, isn’t it?

It took a few minutes, but we were soon equipped with our breakfast. I had taken some toast, oatmeal, fruit salad, and yogurt. It all looked delicious and smelled wonderful. According to my councillor, it was all prepared here, which explained why it smelled way better than it would usually.

We then took our seats and dug in. The meal went by fast and our food was gone in minutes. Our bellies ended up stuffed and my taste buds rejoiced at never having tasted something so fresh and delicious. Each oat of the oatmeal was perfectly seasoned, the yogurt was expertly creamy, the fruit was amazingly fresh, and the inside of the toast was light and fluffy, while the outside was golden and crunchy.

After we finished, Cora held out a clear plastic bucket towards us. "Phones in here."

Hesitantly, we all dropped our phones in and she placed it under her chair.

“So,” Cora continued, “why don’t we introduce ourselves? Most of the boys don’t know who the girls are and most of the girls don’t know who the boys are. As you know, I am Cora, your councillor this summer.”

“Uh, ok,” I started. “I’m Molly”

“I’mn Rowan.”

“Silvia.”

The boy who held the book sighed before answering. “Griffin.”

“Link,” the Japanese boy said.

“And I’m Silvia’s brother, Christian.”

Suddenly, the mess hall went completely silent as if everyone had dropped dead on the spot. Silvia and I exchanged confused glances. What was going on? Why did the other tables stop talking and eating and cluttering forks against plates? That was when we noticed that everyone was staring at the entrance to the mess. Shaking, I turned my body around to see what they were staring at.

And then I saw why.

Standing there was the scariest woman I had ever seen.


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Sun Apr 17, 2016 12:15 am
NympheaLily wrote a review...



Top of the morning, NympheaLily here!

I'm just going to say, I love the suspense at the end of this chapter. I want to move on but to write this review first. . I'm wondering why the campers were staring at them so strangely and where did they all come from? This is kind of scary if you ask me. Especially the woman at the end. That caught my attention and the n the chapter ended.

The transitions were smooth and wonderful. I loved the way you gave a subtle but clear introduction to the new characters And it was extremely fun to read. I have a small request though; I'm writing something called 'THe Wings of my Heart' and I haven't gotten any reviews on it yet. I wondering if you could go check it out as soon as possible. Thank you in advance. And as always KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily




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Thu Mar 17, 2016 10:12 pm
Evander wrote a review...



Heyo! I'm here for a quick review. I've skimmed through all of the others, so I have a good sense of what's going on. Feel free to disregard some feedback if it doesn't connect all that well --

Overall, this novel is a fairly quick read and it's fairly humorous in some areas. Actually, one of the most notable things right now is the fact that the novel feels like it goes a little bit overboard with the similes (a brief explanation for simile: to compare something to something else's likeness) in some places -- not in the amount of similes, but in how over-the-top they are? Personally, I find that the best similes don't stick out and blend in with the style of writing. While the ones used certainly match the style, they are enough to bring my attention to them.

She was taking deep sniffs as if she were a dog which had caught onto a rather delicious smell.

This might have been simply explained if everything after 'which' was omitted. It stuck out like a sore thumb in the general reading and isn't the best description in Rowan's favor. :P

Quick thing! I noticed that you spelt counselor wrong. Councillor is someone who is a member of a council, counselor is typically someone who is a guide at camp.

He was followed by a pale-skinned boy who carried a book and just looked at the ground instead of anywhere else and a Japanese boy with a thick pink scar on his cheek.

Er, while Japanese is probably a good start to his description, there's probably a lot more to his physical description than that. I mean, I'm black and yet I have light skin. Simply describing me as black probably wouldn't give an accurate representation of me. If that makes any sense.

This really comes across as having white characters as the default, even though that's probably not your intention. While there's a lot of divided opinion about it, I'd recommend pointing out the race of your main characters and making sure that pointing it out is the norm. Otherwise that's just another thing that sticks out in the general narrative.

As the chapter itself goes, it moved on the story and introduced some new characters, which is good. The camp feels a bit ominous right now and the lack of other campers is starting to get to me -- same thing with taking away all of their phones. Everything seems a bit too perfect. Except for, you know, the last sentence. :D

I hope that you do keep on writing!

~Adrian, Knight of RED




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Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:01 am
Rin321 wrote a review...



Hey HolographicLadybug! CHRISSY321 back again to review your story! (sorry I took a few days off)

This chapter was great! I loved all of the detail! You and it in every area that was possible, and it really helps a ready imagine and almost taste what you are talking about, such as with this area:

my taste buds rejoiced at never having tasted something so fresh and delicious. Each oat of the oatmeal was perfectly seasoned, the yogurt was expertly creamy, the fruit was amazingly fresh, and the inside of the toast was light and fluffy, while the outside was golden and crunchy.


And the Personification with your tastebuds rejoicing was just the cherry on top! This was cool to read also because usually camp food is bad, but not there in that camp ;)

Now-Why was everyone glaring at them? Were they glaring at Rowan? She was the only one in the group who was a returning member, and so I would think that she would be the only person they would have a reason to glare at-right? Considering Molly and Silvia are new. I am really confused here-but it should clear up in the next chapter! :D

Now, I laughed a the last line:
Standing there was the scariest woman I had ever seen.


haha! I know this is the camp leader-just because that is how stories go ;)

Overall this was a great chapter-no mistakes from what I could see-only things to praise! Yay! Excited to read more!
Chrissy <3






The staring part will be a mojor part in the story, so confusion is a good thing! ;)
Thanks for the review!




Maybe we're all just complex human beings with skewed perceptions of each other.
— Ventomology