Tips for Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 10: Let's NOT Get Caught

by HolographicLadybug

Published January 24, 2016

E - Everyone

In Tips for Taking Over Summer Camp

Chapter Ten: Let’s NOT Get Caught

Excited cheers rose up from around the crowd. I looked over at Rowan who was wearing a blank face. I wasn’t sure whether or not to be excited that we would get to play such a thrilling game or miserable because Bethany would probably put on a cruel twist. That and capture the flag can get very nasty. Every time we played at school, one side would accuse the other of playing unfair and someone would go home with a black eye at the end of the day. The game could get pretty ruthless and friendships could shatter under the pressure. That made me worry a little.

“The rules are simple,” Bethany said and instantly everyone calmed down. “Each team gets a ‘flag’ and they must hide it in a reachable place where we can see at least a quarter of the scarf. The first team to get a scarf from one of the other teams is the winner.”

I could see the energetic pumping of fists from several campers, all of which were determined to win.

“However,” Bethany continued, “The moment someone is on another team’s side, they can get tagged by a member of that team. When that happens, they must stay there until one of their teammates comes and tags them. They then must walk back to their side as quick as possible. In this case, they cannot get tagged until they reach their side again.

“There will be three teams. The art cabin who will be led by Councillor Scott,” a tall man with sand-coloured hair jogged towards Bethany and took the blue flag. “They will have the beach as their base with the last of the pebbles as the boundaries. The music cabin will be lead by councillor Julia.” A girl in her very late teens wit walked up to Bethany calmly and took the purple flag. “Their base will be the eastern forest, which is behind me. Your boundaries are the treeline before the campground and the old shed. Finally, the theater cabin will be led by Councillor Cora.” Cora walked up and grabbed the last scarf: a green one with yellow markings. “Their land will be the campground. However, they are not allowed to go into buildings. They cannot go into the western forest or the parking lot.”

Excited murmurs rose up through the crowd. Some people were stretching and others jogged on the spot, eager to win the game. I could see some chatting with their friends, probably about strategies. I could feel excitement rise up inside of me like a burning fire. I just hoped that that fire would offer me and my teammates its strength to win.

“Now,” Bethany said, clapping her hands together, “The general councillors and I will observe to make sure everyone plays fair. Ok, you’ve got five minutes. GO HIDE YOUR FLAG!”

In an instant, everyone was bolting to their respective areas, eager to hide their flags in the best spot possible. My cabin huddled together when everyone was gone.

“Where are we going to hide it?” Christian asked.

“Not middle fire pit. Plain; obvious,” Rowan whispered. “Would the stage work?”

Cora shook her head. “That’s a bit back into the forest. We can’t go in there.”

“But then where?” Link asked.

We observed the landscape in search for a proper place to hide out scarf; no such luck.

“Three minutes!” Bethany yelled loudly.

“Ok, we need to find someplace quickly!” Cora said.

Suddenly, Rowan snapped her fingers. “I know!” She took the fabric from Cora and started towards the mess.

“Wait!” Silvia exclaimed, causing Rowan to stop in her tracks. “One of the other teams will see us. Come here, Rowan.” Rowan obeyed, rejoining the huddle. “If anyone else saw us, they’ll know that you hid it and where you put it. We need to all split up and head to different directions.”

Rowan looked crestfallen. “So we can’t use the hiding place?”

“We can!” Silvia continued. “If any of the other teams saw us, they won’t head in that direction because they will think that it’s a lost cause. So we will hide it there.”

“Great!” Christian gasped.

“Rowan will be the one to hide it, but she’ll need to take a different route, sneaking behind the cabin and mess to get to her spot,” she explained. “Molly, you will go with her. Cora, you go towards the stage. Christian and Griffin will go towards the entrance of camp and Link and I will skulk around the fireplace.”

That sounded like a really good idea. This way, the other teams will have no clue where the flag is and who hid it. We would be given a huge advantage, but only if someone from another team was watching.

“Ready?” Cora asked.

We all nodded, our faces set into determined grins (except for Griffin who just looked at the ground).

“Alright, go!” Cora shouted and we all bolted into different directions.

Rowan and I sprinted behind Cora for a bit before we reached the back of the theatre cabin where we split ways: my pair lining the back of the cabin and Cora the other way.

We dashed along the wall, briskly and silently. I tried not to think about it because it was overused, but we were very much like ninjas. I could feel my heart racing from excitement and my necklace thumping madly against my chest. We were cloaked by the cool shade of the trees, giving the ninja idea more evidence.

We broke out into the space between the two buildings and picked up the speed to keep our cover. The warm light met us there, but it somehow seemed deadly, warning us that we could get caught at any moment. Rowan started to do backflips, which bought her more ground and she edged ahead of me. Hoping that I wouldn’t fall behind, I tried to make my legs move faster, but found out that I was already in a mad-dash that could rival the speed of an Olympic sprinter.

At last, we breached the back of the mess hall and back into the welcoming shade. I pressed myself against the side, panting. My mind was clouded with worries that kept telling me that someone saw us, that they knew what we were up to and that it was my fault when we loose. I tried to push those terrible thoughts away, but they wouldn’t shut up, pounding against my skull with the force of a speeding train.

“What now?” I panted, trying to distract myself. “Where’s the hiding place.”

Rowan crouched down to my knee-level. I pulled my leg nearest to her away, afraid that she was going to sniff it or bite into it or something crazy and Rowan-y like that.

“Right next,” she replied, staring deeply into my kneecap.

“Uh, what?” I said, moving away from her slightly.

Her eyes darted up to mine and I could see a twinkle of… What was that? Humor? Confidence? Ferocity?

“Yours,” she clarified. But when I continued to give her weird looks, she said, “Beside. Your own. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” That last part came out in some kind of bark.

I backed away from the girl, afraid that she was going to attack me or start frothing at the mouth and give me rabies. The thoughts from last night swirled around in my mind, warning me that Rowan was dangerous and that I shouldn’t have gone back here with her. I could be her next meal for all I know.

However, amongst the storm, one subtle thought rang through my mind like the tinkling of a bell: What is wrong with Rowan? Does she need help? Can I help her?

The other thoughts stopped immediately and that one note, those three questions echoed through my mind and into my ears. I stopped freaking out and I could feel myself calm down.

“Rowan,” I said assertively, “Where is it?”

Rowan’s angry expression faded and she brushed away a tall stalk of grass much like the other ones that lined the building, unveiling a small hole. It was just big enough to fit a coconut (I’m not sure why I would put one in there in the first place, though) without having any part of it beyond the rim of the hole.

She balled up the flag and put it in the hole. It sat perfectly at the bottom, but only came halfway to the top.

“You can see it from high,” Rowan explained, standing up to demonstrate.

I stood up as well, noticing that it blended in with the grass that surrounded it. I smiled at Rowan and turned away to go back the way we came.

It was less stressful this time going back for some unknown reason, probably because we no longer had the burden of carrying the flag. It didn’t take long for us to get back where Silvia, Link, and Cora waited.

“Thirty seconds!” Bethany screamed into a megaphone (one of the general councillors must have brought it for her).

As the clock ticked down, my other cabin mates arrived.

“So where did we hide it?” Cora asked.

“In a hole next to the mess,” I whispered as soft as a butterfly’s wingbeat.

Christian, Cora, and Silvia nodded.

“Is it visible?” Silvia inquired.

“Definitely,” Rowan replied.

That was when Bethany started to count down from ten. My heart beat faster than it did while Rowan and I hid the flag. I could feel my whole body vibrate from the pulses. My legs shook with excitement and I smiled at my team.

“Five! Four!”

We can do this.

“Three! Two!”

Nay, we will do this.

“One!”

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Evander
Review
Evander wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2016

Hey, Holo! I'm here with another review!

This chapter is where parts of Bethany's scariness is at least shown a bit more! When Bethany started to talk, everyone instantly calmed down and started to pay attention to her. The best way to really portray a character is to show them in action and that was a really good start to it. Add in the odd line here and there to express more of the authority that she carries around herself with and she'll be glorious.

Another weird thing, but it's probably intentional. Bethany as a name doesn't necessarily match her character? Which totally makes sense, since characters are technically named by their parents. But her name just feels off. It'd be giving the name Doomsday to an infant. It just feels off in a weird way, but it isn't necessarily bad.

I could see the energetic pumping of fists from several campers, all of which were determined to win.

*all of whom were determined. These students are living and thinking beings, after all. :P

I really like the idea of starting off with capture the flag! It really does give this a chance to describe the landscape, while laying out the camp in a really fun and interesting manner. It also gives us the chance to get into the competitive mindsets of the campers, which is a pretty good thing. As I said earlier, showing your characters in action is the best way to see what they are truly like inside.

We all nodded, our faces set into determined grins (except for Griffin who just looked at the ground).

While the bit in parentheses was needed to know a bit more about Griffin, it also feels oddly out of place and it jumped out. It would probably be better to just smoothly insert that Griffin was just staring at the ground, instead of bringing a lot of attention to it. While this could be stylistic choice, it also felt a bit loud. (If Molly used parentheses often in her narrative to include detail, maybe it wouldn't be so bothersome? I know that I have a few main characters that tend to use parentheses to express a lot of hidden stuff.)

I tried to make my legs move faster, but found out that I was already in a mad-dash that could rival the speed of an Olympic sprinter.

This is one of those similes that actually blend in rather well with the writing! It gives a clear visual, is easy to reference, and just manages to blend in!

As far as this chapter went, it probably could have been combined with the previous one and it would have worked out rather well! It would have introduced Bethany, showed a bit of her authoritative character, and then it would have explored in small parts a bunch of the main cast. While where you split the chapter is totally your decision, combining the two wouldn't be a bad idea!

I do hope that you'll keep on writing!

~Adrian, Knight of RED

User avatar
Rin321
Review
Rin321 wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2016

Hey HolographicLadybug! CHRISSY321 back for my last review for today-but I will continue soon!

I loved this chapter! The action, the team effort, and the smart hiding place! Will the other teams find it- I guess I will have to find out!


I have one question here:

However, amongst the storm, one subtle thought rang through my mind like the tinkling of a bell: What is wrong with Rowan? Does she need help? Can I help her?


There really was nothing wrong with Rowan! Yeah, a few chapters ago she was scared by her at fries, but then they hung out together and had things in common-so why is Molly going back suddenly being scared? That is my question.


I did not see any errors from what I was reading, so I want to point out a few great things I saw that are great to have in your writing so you know what to keep using! :
I could feel excitement rise up inside of me like a burning fire. I just hoped that that fire would offer me and my teammates its strength to win.


Great simile! I love the fact that you used it, but the fact that you also used it to show that she knew she felt this way by saying that she hoped that the fire she felt burning in her would give the team strength. I love when writers keep these strategies in mind when they write. Using elements of writing like similes are important, and make certain writings in my opinion 100 times better! Keep this in mind! :D

I really liked this chapter! I shall be back soon for more! :) Keep writing!
Chrissy <3



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline