z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Tips For Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 4: The Lake, as it Turns Out, is NOT Made of Actual Citric Acid

by HolographicLadybug


Chapter 4: The Lake, as it Turns Out, is NOT Made of Actual Citric Acid

As it turned out, I only had one headache: one veeeeeeeeeeery long and veeeeeeeeeeery painful headache that lasted the whole stinking trip. My skull felt like it was a huge glacier that was cracking and falling apart thanks to global warming.

Other than that, the trip was mostly fine, aside from throwing up into my garbage can three times every five hours. I managed to destroy the game of solitaire as we know it, vomiting on all of the cards before I could even begin playing. I also learned how to text three words and how to draw a somewhat ok watermelon without my vision going blurry.

We stopped at two inns on the way, both of which were in towns shockingly smaller than my own. Both of the inns had nice rooms with red carpets and light yellow walls. One of the hotels was obsessed with vases. Vases of all different materials, shape, and colour were placed on podiums which stood in every corner and on every table. Their brochures were even covered in pictures of vases.

Meanwhile, the other hotel was obsessed with paintings. They covered practically every spot on the walls and some were even hung on the ceiling. It didn’t seem to matter what they looked like, the hotel just adopted them as their own.

Throughout the journey, he landscape changed drastically. Looming mountains turned into lush fields which turned into dark forests which turned into more mountains. We drove past glimmering lakes and towns which bustled with summer tourists. Our travels took us to tons of run-down gas stations and even the middle of a storm. We had to pull over for a bit on that one.

Throughout the trip, I would glance out the window to see if there was a sign that would say ‘WELCOME TO CITRIC ACID LAKE ARTS CAMP’. No such luck. Just trees, grass, and huge lumps of dirt. Hurrah.

Mom would occasionally ask me if I was ok or if we needed to pull over for a bit, but I never let them stop (no matter how much my aching brain wanted me to). I just wanted to get to camp so that this terribly long drive would finally be over.

Finally, after we broke through our second set of mountainous terrain, we veered onto a smaller road which was dotted with farms.

I looked around in amazement. Everything looked so clear and beautiful as the large ball of sun was setting behind a small forested hill, its rays casting a mosaic of colours onto the rippling clouds. Fields of grazing cattle and large stalks of corn were hit full-force by the light, long black shadows swelling behind them. A slight breeze ran by, causing some gold-tinged grass to dance.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I heard Dad say.

I nodded and rolled down the window, letting the air pick up my hair, teaching its quick performance.

I stayed like that until the sun was almost done its ritual and everything was splashed with dark red. We were just starting to turn on a forested road which was filled with potholes. I rolled my window up and gazed at my faint reflection, my mind quiet.

“We’re almost here, sweetie,” Mom said.

I snapped back to reality. “What? Really?”

“Yes,” she confirmed.

My mouth was twisted into a wide smile. The painful drive was almost over! I could finally go to the long-awaited summer camp. A summer camp for theatre kids!

But then the memories of my past camp hit me and my smile died a little.

But will it be as good?

Suddenly, I felt like my stomach was doing gymnastics and I ducked my head into the garbage can. My small lunch of three crackers ejected quickly from my mouth and formed a sloppy mess at the bottom.

“Don’t get too excited,” Dad said.

I gave a thumbs-up and vomited again. Yellow stomach acid slid out of my throat this time, leaving behind a stingy taste. A water bottle was handed towards my direction and I snatched it. I swirled the water in my mouth and spit it into the trash before taking huge gulps.

“Feeling better?” Mom asked as I handed back the water bottle.

“Yeah,” I mumbled and resume peering out the window. We were just coming into a dusty parking lot. There were spots for around twenty cars, but there were only six there. We pulled into a spot and got out.

“We’re here,” I breathed as I gazed beyond the area.

A well-worn path led from the parking lot and to a large circle of more well-worn land. In the middle of the circle was a huge fire pit which was surrounded by large wooden benches. From the very edges of the clearing laid five russet brick buildings with sparkling dark blue roofs. They weren’t very big, but big enough to fig at least fifty people in there with enough room to breathe. I could just barely see the windows from where I was standing, but I knew that they were perfectly cleaned and clear.

Vast, majestic pine trees bordered the site, their needles silhouetted beautifully against the crimson sunlight. Their craggy trunks were buried in the shadows of their branches, but were still barely evident. They rose high above the roofs of the building, their branches reaching towards the middle of the camp as if to provide a shield from the sky.

Beyond the clearing, a beach of pale grey pebbles was splayed out before a lake of calm waster. I knew in that instant that that was Citric Acid Lake. A rippling reflection of the sun could be seen, emerged in the waters, which were illuminated and sparkling. I could see the sun moving little by little, causing its reflection to fade slightly. I looked back where the sun was making its descent into the far-away trees.

“Are you going to get your stuff?” Dad asked.

“Oh right!” I had nearly forgotten about my luggage! I ran to the back of the truck and pulled out my two suitcases. They were slightly heavy on account of all twenty-three books I had packed. My parents were hesitant to let me take that many books, seeing as how I would be too busy enjoying myself, but I managed to convince them by stating that camp might be really boring and they wouldn’t let me go home.

“Shall we go down?” Mom asked, turning back towards the camp.

“Sure,” I replied. “But where?”

That was when we noticed someone bounding towards us. She was tall, maybe twenty, with long black hair that was complete with red streaks. Her skin was very tanned and her features were very thin. She held a wide clipboard which held a dozen of sheets of paper that looked like it had been sorted, folded, and flipped hundreds of times over.

“No need to ponder any longer,” she said once she reached us. Her voice was very mellow, almost shy-sounding. “I’m Councillor Cora, head of the theatre cabin.”

My face brightened at the mention of the theatre cabin. This would be my councillor this summer.

“And who are you?” she inquired, sorting through her pages.

“Molly McAudley,” I answered.

Cora muttered my name under her breath as she traced her finger down a page near the middle. She then stopped and her face lit up.

“Ah, Molly! Another theatre girl. Splendid!” she exclaimed. “I guess that you know that I am your councillor this summer. We’re going to have lots of fun.” She turned to my parents. “Would you like to come see the cabin with her?”

“Not unless she wants us to,” Dad replied, looking at me for an answer.

I shook my head. “No, I think I’m fine.” My parents always let me go to my cabin without them. I think that it’s so I won’t get sad about leaving them; not that I ever do.

“Well have a great summer sweetie,” Mom said, giving me a traditional good-bye high-five.

“Don’t forget to call,” Dad added, giving me his high-five.

“I won’t,” I said as I picked up my baggage and turned to Cora who was smiling at us as if our good-byes were adorable.

“You must have a great connection with your family,” she said as we started to walk towards camp.

“I guess,” I replied modestly. “Has anyone else arrived yet?”

“About half of the campers from the art and music cabins and two from ours.”

“Cool. What are they like?”

“Well, one of them, his name is Griffin, is in the boys’ part of the cabin, so you might not get to see him tonight because we’re just sticking to cabins until the morning. But what I get from him so far is that he’s shy and likes to keep to himself. The other camper is Rowan. She’s quite nice and really energetic. She was here last year, so if you have any questions from the perspective of a camper, feel free to ask her.”

“Who else is coming?”

“Nobody who was here previous years, so I wouldn’t really know what they’re like. But I think that it would probably be best as a surprise, don’t you?”

That made sense; knowing everyone before you meet them spoiled all the fun. But one thing seemed to eat at my brain: why did only one person return from previous years? Why haven’t others? Was camp going to be so bad that I wouldn't want to come back?


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
69 Reviews


Points: 606
Reviews: 69

Donate
Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:03 am
NympheaLily says...



Top of the morning, NympheaLily here!

Ah ha ha! I see that we have one of our book characters in common; Rowan. Anyway I loved this chapter when she finally gets to the camp and my train of thought right now is "ITSHAPPENINGOHMYGOODNESSITSHAPPENINGIFEELFANDOMFEELSFORMINGOMG" but yeah. I saw a few minor spelling errors like;

"Throughout the journey, he landscape changed drastically." I think the 'he' should be a 'the', but thats okay! I do it all the time. Anyway, that is the only part I had a little problem with. Everything was absolutely flawless (as usual :) and I just wanted to say that the cliffhanger is amazing! The suspense is killing me so I'm going to see just how this thing ends... And as always KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily




User avatar
69 Reviews


Points: 606
Reviews: 69

Donate
Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:03 am
NympheaLily wrote a review...



Top of the morning, NympheaLily here!

Ah ha ha! I see that we have one of our book characters in common; Rowan. Anyway I loved this chapter when she finally gets to the camp and my train of thought right now is "ITSHAPPENINGOHMYGOODNESSITSHAPPENINGIFEELFANDOMFEELSFORMINGOMG" but yeah. I saw a few minor spelling errors like;

"Throughout the journey, he landscape changed drastically." I think the 'he' should be a 'the', but thats okay! I do it all the time. Anyway, that is the only part I had a little problem with. Everything was absolutely flawless (as usual :) and I just wanted to say that the cliffhanger is amazing! The suspense is killing me so I'm going to see just how this thing ends... And as always KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily




User avatar
260 Reviews


Points: 15020
Reviews: 260

Donate
Tue Feb 02, 2016 12:01 am
TriSARAHtops wrote a review...



Heyo! Here for another review!

I thought that this was perhaps the strongest chapter of your story so far. There was more of a sense that you'd gotten comfortable writing it, if that makes sense. It felt like you've eased into the story and the voice a little more than previous chapters, and that was good to see.

I've noticed in previous chapters, but it was perhaps most evident in this one, that you tend to adopt a summarising kind of style at times, where it feels like Molly is telling the reader what's happened previously, and then later on it switches to the action, the "right now". It's not a bad thing if it pops up every now and again (it's even necessary, at times), but it's something to be aware of. For example, at the moment the majority of the car ride feels very summary-esque, which I think comes down to the sort of "I did this. Then I did this. Then this happened" style of writing - where you have several things being briefly described in a short space of time. It's also caused by reflective statements like "Other than that, the trip was mostly fine...". Basically the first paragraph of this piece is written from Molly's perspective after the drive, so it leads to the majority of the drive is being recounted, rather than being told "real time", if that makes sense.

I thought the imagery was rather lovely, it wasn't too purple prose-y or flowery. Something to try in the future might be to try weaving it into the action a little more, so that the reader isn't given a clump of description all at once.

Really great sense of foreboding at the end. It wasn't too dark and grim, but that inkling of doubt and maybe there's more going on than we initially thought was really effective.

A few nitpicky things:

I thought it was a little weird that she had a full on rubbish bin (or garbage can, whatever you call it) for a spew bucket. I felt like you were maybe going for a kind of kooky, bizarre touch, but it felt a little too absurd.

Molly seemed very productive for someone who gets such severe motion sickness. I don't get motion sickness myself, but I know people who do - and probably not as severe as Molly's apparently is - and doing stuff like drawing or texting would only make it worse for them. Also Molly seems pretty unaffected when she gets out of the car, and the few times that I've felt a bit icky after car trips it's taken me a while to recover, and I'm not even really sick. So maybe something to work around a little more.

Nothing much else to say, I'll catch you at the next chapter!




User avatar
63 Reviews


Points: 3469
Reviews: 63

Donate
Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:41 pm
cpedro wrote a review...



Hello again! (I guess I'll be ending this Review Day with your story! ;))

The camp is here! Finally the real adventure is going to start! And it sure does leave the reader expecting because of the way of finish your chapter. Those simple questions hit the right mark of curiosity and keep the reader entretained, so congrats on that mysterious ending.

Again, I'll leave a few remarks but nothing special, just to help you create the best! ;)

- the 'veeeeeeery' is unecessary. If your intention is to enpathize that word than just use italics, it's a common way writers use.

-'Other than that, the trip was mostly fine, aside from throwing up three times every five hours. ', nothing here just that the irony here is splendid ahaha.

-'Even though the fruit looked like it had wings, it was still pretty good by my standards (.)' , missing period.

-'I stayed like that until the sun was almost done (with) its ritual and...'

-'I gave a thumbs-up and vomit(ed) again.'

-'Cora muttered my name under her breath as (her)x (she) traced her finger down a page near the middle. '

-'...We’re going to have lots of fun (!)” , this way it enpathizes her eagerness.

-“Nobody who was here (the) previous years, so...'

See you in the next chapter! ;)
Keep writing!




User avatar
207 Reviews


Points: 2577
Reviews: 207

Donate
Mon Jan 25, 2016 3:36 pm
View Likes
Rin321 wrote a review...



Hey HolgraphicLadybug! CHRISSY321 back again with a review!

*I am aiming to review all of your chapters!*

I really enjoyed this chapter! I love how you perfectly put each chapter together, and so they are flowing quiet nicely! As the chapters go on I am having a hard time to find things to fix! All of your spelling and grammar and such are right! Now I am left with some suggestions! :P\

As it turned out, I only had one headache: one veeeeeeeeeeery long and veeeeeeeeeeery painful headache that lasted the whole stinking trip.


I think the 'veeeeeeeeeeery' is a little much. You would not really see this unless it was maybe like a younger kid whining and saying 'pleeeeeeease' or something like that! I think that you should just write 'very', and if you really do want to still stress out the word, put it into italics! I think it would just look better in your writing! :)

Overall I again enjoyed this chapter. I am reading and review one by one so as I do these reviews I am clueless on what happened next! I have the same question too-why don't many people come back?! Guess I have to find out! ;)

Keep Writing!
Chrissy <3





"Think of all the beauty still left around you, and smile."
— Anne Frank