Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I like the over all pace and sound of it. The message is one I agree strongly with, and I think it was conveyed really well. It seems short in a few places, which kind of disrupts the pace and makes it awkward, but the smoothness of the poem is likely enough for it to not be noticed as much.
All in all an okay piece, well enough that it needs minimal editing.
Keep writing.
Peace xx
~Ayden~~
Hi HHemayed! Niteowl here with a review!
Overall, I think this piece has a strong message that's expressed well. Just a couple things I'd like to point out.
The last line seems like a non-sequitur here. It also seems to be in contrast with the rest of the poem (a philosophical jock?). I think you're referring to the love of nature that you've already alluded to. If so, revise this. If not, make it more clear what you mean by this.
Honestly, I think you could cut the first stanza. It doesn't say much in my opinion, plus the first line sounds awkward. The second could work, but needs revision. Adverbs are generally frowned upon in poetry because nouns and verbs make a stronger impact. I might revise this to something like: "I'm a thinker/who refuses to fall/into your mindless line".
I think this could be strengthened by making it more clear who/what you're talking to. Something general like society? Or a more specific person? I think you could have stronger images of what this person/entity has done to the speaker.
A note on punctuation: Sometimes you have it, sometimes you don't. There's also randomly placed semi-colons, which are a pet peeve of mine. I feel that if they're not being used to separate two related but independent clauses, they look really silly. That said, poetry has more flexible rules, but I usually suggest using standard punctuation throughout a piece. Whatever you do with punctuation, be consistent.
Overall, there's some good stuff, but more revision and specific images could make it stronger. Keep writing!
Hey there! Your poem seems pretty nice. I love the structure and rhyme, but you should add more feeling and try to play with metaphors, it's pretty fun. It's interesting in many ways, but it still misses that one thing that would draw more attention to reader's eyes. I hope I'll read more from you, Keep writing!
Thanks.
Hello! It's Magma here to review this fine poem here!
.
This is an awesome poem, but I just have to get one thing out of the way: The second verse. Just a little bit of alteration would help it, but currently it's like a big ugly rock thrown into a stream. It messes up the flow. Maybe if you removed the second line and the word 'truly' on the fourth, it would sound better. There's a little bit of incorrect grammar, but that's easily righted.
Apart from that, this poem is INCREDIBLE. It's got amazing words, a fantastic theme, and even a moral. This is what is commonly known as an "awesome poem". I could keep on typing all night about how much I love this poem, but I fear that my fingers might fall off
This is probably the worst-written review in the history of mankind, but anyway, thanks for the poem.
Wishing you a safe and happy life with paper,
Magma:D
Thanks.
Hey, Nargles here to review your wonderful work today!
Firstly this is great. I love the idea and thought behind it, I feel as if you have a great message behind this.
The flow is beautiful and nothing needs to be changed regarding that. I feel as if you captured the idea of knowledge, and what it means to life very well.
One nitpick I do have is in the third stanza, the last line for me, ruins the stanza. I would suggst rewording that just so it has a bit more flow. I'm not sure how you would, but you're probably a lot smarter than me and will be able to do it.
The last little thing is the use of grammar and what not. I'm not saying you need grammar but you have to decide whether to use it or not. There are parts where you nned something as you have used punctuation in other parts. The last couple of stanzas I think you might want to think about some.
I'm sorry this review isn't very good, hopefully it is of some help though.
I really enjoyed this poem, you are really talented.
Love Nargles xxx
Thanks.