A scream of horror,
crashes through my ears.
From a place I do not know,
a place full of fears.
It is down below,
where no one has gone
and those who go
their faces we forget.
The shadow of darkness is near,
maybe here;
watching us
and filling our hearts with fear.
In the dark he stands
and in the night he feeds.
Our fear he loves.
Our fear he needs.
So let us be strong,
for those who have disappeared.
Who knows?
Maybe your next,
but only if you feared.
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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
Hi there! I liked the poem, but I found something that kinda bothered me.
"From a place I do not know,
a place full of fears."
You said a place that you don't know, then you said something about the place which made me think that you did know the place. Be careful for what you write before. I really liked your poem! Good job and keep it up!
- gleek456 <3
Hi guys,
Many thanks for the comments and advises.I'm not quite sure how to make the poem look,but I tried. Please comment.
Hi,
You should try rewording that to make it more smooth. I didn't quite understand the true meaning of that. Besides those minor errors and confusion, I really liked it. Good job!On line six, stanza one, you said 'has went', which is a grammatical error, you should change it to either 'has gone' or 'have went'. I really liked lines seven and eight, stanza one. Stana two confused me slightly with the rhyme scheme. What were you trying to do exactly? Then you said,
Farewell,
A.
Hi! Tory here, first I would like to say I loved the rich use of vocabulary and the imagery that could be pulled from it. I did notice the lack of grammar each line in each stanza should be capitalized for example
I also recommend putting a comma after the second line and a period afterUsing correct grammar not only enhances your writing but it can be a way to communicate clearly what you are trying to say. You have a fantastic grasp of emotions, I edited my favorite lines I hope you don't mind I couldn't help myself they are just so good.
As you probably noticed I did not change any words I just put the grammar in for the natural rests. I recommend reading your pieces out loud to yourself and noticing when you naturally pause and put in the correct fundamentals. You are a fantastic writer just don't forget that even though it is poetry the laws of grammar apply like when you are writing a story.
In conclusion of this long review haha, I would like to say that images you create are beautiful and downright haunting. I loved the unique representation of the point you were trying to get across. Keep writing please!
-Tory
I liked the overall premise of this poem. It is lurid in a way, mysterious and such, but if you make a few small tweaks it would be a lot better. I like your first stanza, but going into your second stanza you change your meter completely, by making the first line of the second stanza much longer than previous lines.
Also, some grammar nit-picks:
'Who knows?'
'Maybe you're next'
And the last line of your poem confuses me a bit. Is this poem supposed to be religious, because from my point of view that's how it seems.