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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
It's quite messy, isn't it?
Hi I'm hanorah and this is my reviw,hope you like it!
This is a great,meaningful poem and I think many people will be able to connect with it.I really like the way it rhymes.I like how this is a religous poem,as even if they don't show it,everyone wants to make a mends with god and have a good relantionship with him.Your language was great so overall it was very good,10/10
Thanks
Hello HHeymad,
EnchantedPanda here to review for you today. I don't have much time so I'll keep this short and cut straight to the chase.
First of all nice work, you're consistent with this and the language is generally similar throughout the whole poem which is good that you've been decisive with what style you were going for. You can really feel the tone of commitment and belief in your words which is good because this is a pretty religious poem and it's demonstrating why you enjoy being religious/ spiritual. I enjoyed hearing your thoughts on the subject in question and although i am not religious I can completely understand the angle you were going for with this and I think in terms of your points you told them really well and this was overall quite a smooth and well rounded piece of writing that you have here. I really enjoyed reading a piece of literature that was simplistic but effective and I think you pretty much nailed the style you were going for.
The only thing that stuck out to me in the whole poem was this stanza, or more specifically, the last two lines. I know it was intended as powerful and dramatic but it's such a cliche phrase that it just sounded dry and unconvincing at worst. Since you already have quite a common subject it's even more important to steer cliche from anything cliche or overused because otherwise the writing just sounds fake and mainstream which is exactly what you're trying to avoid. If I was you I would consider rewording this part because to me it just sounds bad compared to the rest of your really high quality writing.
Sorry for the harsh critique. I hope I didn't offend you with, my bluntness because I actually really liked this piece and I really like your writing. I think you have a lot of talent and I really liked the structured layout and beautiful imagery of your pieces. the flow and spelling was also really good too and the overall quality of the writing was pretty high. After you've corrected the tiny nitpicks I know this has the potential to be perfect. I look forward to seeing further potential writing and I would be happy to review any more of your writing if you wish. Please inform me if you have any questions or comments about this review or if you want to discuss something further. I look forward to seeing you around. Keep up the good writing.
From EnchantedPanda
Many thanks.
This was pretty good. Everything rhymed and flowed smoothly. You have great imagery and I'm pretty sure anybody who reads this will be able to see the same image in their head as they see this.
...I'm new to the site.
The only bad thing that i have to say is to work on your punctuation. I see that after a few of your lines there are commas, but you don't close any of your stanzas with periods. Is that for effect, or did you forget to add them?
Keep up the good work, and keep writing!
P.S. I messed up the comment box below
~Paris
Thanks and welcome to the site.
Hmm, I like the word flow you have. There was also nice imagery, good job!