A moment of truth.

Hello there Hem! Dogs here with your review today. Ok so this is a good piece, as per usual, you have a great idea going on here and certainly some excellent lines. Your writing has great rhythm and flowed smoothly. Although there are a few quick grammatical errors that we need to touch on.

"On what I do,but.."

Firstly, there should be a space inbetween the "but" and the comma. Secondly, if you're going to make the dot dot dot in an attempt to show trailing off or a pause in the reading, you need three dots. Thirdly, I would highly suggest that you take out all your "..." because it breaks up your flow and it looks sloppy. It's like putting a dot dot dot at the end of a paragraph.

Ok you have a great opening paragraph, but I'm disapointed that you never go into that topic. You ask a philisophical question but never debate it, which is essential in this style of poem. To have a stream of debating thought that leads into another philisophical question, right after another.

"but my actions and decisions/ are all I've go"

You can certainly do better in using more exciting and poetic words in this line. it sounds a bit like a short story or a lecture here. Try to add a more poetic feel to your writing in some places. In others it's great and doesn't need changing, but here it breaks the flow because it sounds like you're saying it just in a conversation.

All and all this is a good piece, I like the ending you bring it to, good closure. It just needs a little touching up and some tiny grammar editing. Let me know if you ever need a review, keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Hello! Guineapiggirl here to review! I like this piece but there are a lot of things for me to critique as well!
My favourite verse is this:
Have I obeyed God,
and pleased Him?
or did I please everyone
and disobey Him?

I think you've expressed the simple message really well, and I also like the mirror image type of feel of this bit.
I have a thingy to say that I learnt quite recently from a review on a poem of mine. It's about the commas at the end of each line. Sometimes you're in the middle of a sentence but you put a comma just because it's at the end of a line. Or there should be a full stop but you put a comma. The rules about commas and full stops are the same for poems as for stories. So just put a comma if you've finished the clause, and a full stop if you've finished the sentence. GOt it?
Another thing I don't like is the way you've used ... quite a lot. This is a bit irritating. In some of the places you've put it it doesn't fit.
I hope I've helped. Overall, nice piece! You've got some good, if not particularly original, deep ideas.