Live Happily

This was a great poem and had a lot of feeling in it. I'm not really good at poems so this to me is amazing. I can tell what the theme is in the story which is good. The idea is great and the rhyming is also great. Except the line "Madness is a possibility, but it's not lovely" to me that doesn't make sense to me. Maybe you can explain that a little more to me? I understand how madness is not lovely but how does that go with it being a possibility? Sorry if you think it's a stupid question but it doesn't make sense for me.

Otherwise great poem!

-Cgirl-

Hey,
This is a good poem but it needs a bit of work. I'm going to get a bit harsh so I'm sorry.

Ok so you have a nice idea but I feel as if it is lost within the poem. The central theme to this poem isn't as clear as it could be. I found that I was having to read stanzas over and over again just for it to make some sort of sense and flow.
I think the reason for this is you have forced the rhyme, you did mention it I know but I just feel as if you could adjust several lines to make it feel more fluent.
You are stopping and starting a lot, for example
'However, in the end..surely,
they'll get what they deserve..absolutely!'

Notice how it is like gogogoSTOP. Am I making sense, it's very jagged and you don't have time for the words to flow of your tongue.
I would suggest something like this.

However, surely in the end
They'll get what they deserve

See how it flows a bit better? It isn't always stopping and starting. Just play around with it a bit and it will be heaps better.

So summing up you need to vary it and have it flow in a way that benefits the poem, because you have a good idea but it's getting lost in the way the poem is written.

Good job and keep writing.

Nargles xxx