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140,456 Literary Works • 673,225 Reviews
Great work! I have always loved poems on the patriotic theme. And this one is something that caught my heart. The lyrics are powerful and the words have been used precisely. They clearly convey the message to the reader. I hope your message reaches your nation and they start acting as it has been told in this poem "not just sing this song". The ending was a bang. You deserve a thumbs up!
Lovely piece you've got here, its nice I must acknowlegde, the feelings you put into the poem makes it feel as if its happening right now and I should take up my sword.
However, you can still improve on this pieces, for example your punctuations from stanza 2 makes it difficult to read
"I could see, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER WITHOUT THE COMMA HERE
The blood dripping. USE COMMA HERE INSTEAD
I could feel,
The skin ripping."
In the 3rd stanza it was all full of breaks, taking off the flow of the poem
From the 4th stanza down instead of using breaks in between why not just use commas instead.
Apart from those little punctuation flaws I think you've got a great piece, keep the spirit going...!!!
it is a nice poem, simple, yet giving a message....and even though you have painted a very drastic picture of a war, this gets across a message about the need or will to do something, bring about some change, war or no war, whatever may be the situation.
the simplicity of the poem enhances the message...nice work.
well this is what i understood from it, if any different meaning was intended by you, please do tell.
it is a nice poem, simple, yet giving a message....and even though you have painted a very drastic picture of a war, this gets across a message about the need or will to do something, bring about some change, war or no war, whatever may be the situation.
the simplicity of the poem enhances the message...nice work.
well this is what i understood from it, if any different meaning was intended by you, please do tell.