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Palestine

by HHemayed


Palestine,
the land of the brave.
Palestine,
you are the invaders' grave.

Not one day
have you ever weaken.
And the invaders' hopes
you have always destroyed.

Palestine,
the land of the brave.
Palestine,
you are the invaders' grave.

One day,
you will be free.
And on that day,
how proud will we be!

Lose no hope,
for freedom is near.
Lose no hope,
for your supporters are here.

Palestine,
the land of the brave.
Palestine,
you are the invaders' grave.



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1318 Reviews


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Sun Dec 30, 2012 11:40 am
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Hannah wrote a review...



let's see, a quick tense fix:

Not one day
have you ever weaken.

^ when you use have, you have to use weakened: have weakened



now, on to the piece as a whole. what is the intent behind these lyrics? is it just a little something cute to get people riled up and proud? because that's what it seems like. i'm not discounting palestine's struggle or strength or anything, this is just because you have vague, common phrases, and nothing truly inspiring or unique to evoke deeper feeling in supporters.

what i mean is, this feels like a cheer: 'we're good, they're bad. we'll win, they'll lose', not mentioning any of the specific things that make palestine the land of the brave: no individual acts, no governmental acts.

perhaps more effective would be evoking images of the land that these people are proud of: what is the most beautiful vision of palestine you can describe? a garden? a tree? a person? a building? what represents it for you? bring in images, so when people sing this song they can't help but remember their land and the images and the pride it brings to them. bring in specifics. give them real substance to sing instead of empty cheers.

that's not to say you can't have these phrases in your next draft. they are, in fact, necessary. they speak to a goal and a feeling very succinctly, and it's good to just yell what you mean, but only those sorts of phrases over and over is unbalanced. find the balance. keep the pride. bring the unique. remind them what they are fighting for.

good luck.
keep writing.
let me know if you have questions. :)




HHemayed says...


Wow! Thank you so much. :D I'll do my best.



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133 Reviews


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Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:26 am
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ShakespeareWallah wrote a review...



Nice song!, man.




HHemayed says...


Thanks. :D




The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson