Don't know what to say

by HHemayed

Published May 1, 2012

In Poems

I never thought this day would come,
the day which I can barely have fun.
No Tv or computer would help,
only friends which I can't find.
So much hard work,
no more clear mind.
I just wish I could sit back
and enjoy what's mine.
Even this poem I can't get right,
although I've tried with all my might.
I'll just stop here,
as long as I can bear.
Comments & reviews · 2
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Arcticus
Review
Arcticus wrote a review Review · Nov 27, 2012

Poems can be mad and useless. That's not wrong. But when you share a poem with people/readers, you need to make a certain point. I hope that helps.

User avatar
Button
Review
Button wrote a review Review · May 2, 2012

I'm skeptical when it comes to rhyming poetry, primarily because of poems like this. This isn't structured properly. Rhyming poetry is incredibly difficult to pull off because if you want a proper piece, the rhymes need to /not dominate the poem/. This is awkwardly phrased and the syllables are all mismatched and it simply... doesn't flow. I personally would suggest trying out free-form, but I'm incredibly biased against rhyming poetry, so I suppose you can take my words with a grain of salt.

This seems less a poem and more, "I'm bored, I'll write this and it will occupy my time for a couple of minutes and then I'll post it because that's what I'm supposed to do with things I've written." Try going a bit deeper. I'm not saying disregard all poems that are light and fun, but don't limit yourself there entirely. Try incorporating new things, some vivid images to make us feeling the extent of your boredom, and it might be a bit more successful in that respect as well.

Yeah, you're right. Thanks. :D



Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore