When I wake up, I wake up to love in the literal sense. I feel his warm lips on my eyelids and my cheeks, and then on my mouth. My eyes slowly flutter open, and I see him on one elbow leaning over me. He gives me a lazy grin. I notice he is careful not to show his teeth although I wish he would. I love his smile.
He doesn't show his teeth when he smiles because his teeth are crooked. He isn't gorgeous like a movie star, but I don't care. He has a little body fat, but isn't fat in that sense. He looks healthy. His brown bangs run into his eyes and he isn't wearing his glasses right now. I love him. I love everything about him.
I can feel his gaze run over me as he drinks in the sight of my body. He wears a pair of basketball shorts but his chest is bare. I'm wearing a bra and underwear with one of his t-shirts pulled halfway over my body. He puts his hands on my bare waist and kiss me. It's the most wonderful sensation I've ever felt, and I deepen the kiss. As he pulls away, he lays back down on the bed. We slept together last night, but not in the way you are probably thinking. Luke respects me and my body. He understands that I'm not ready.
"Did you sleep well?" Luke asks me. I turn on my side and smile at him.
"Yes. But that's not the important thing. Did you sleep well?" Luke has insomnia, and typically doesn't get to sleep until around 3 am. This is the first night we've spent together, and I was hoping my presence would be comforting.
"Yeah. You crashed around midnight, I fell asleep about half an hour after you." Luke smiles, and I can see that the subtle bags under his eyes have faded.
"I love you." I say. He shrugs and replies with the squeeze of his hand against my skin.
"Happy Birthday." I sit up and look at him. How does he know today is my birthday?
"How did you know? I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to pressure you into getting me a gift. We're in our Junior year in high school, your income can't be that great." I am actually concerned now.
"I asked your friends. They told me. I don't care how much money I'm making. You're worth more to me than any jewel or Mob Boss brief case." I smile at this comment. Luke is always joking about the stereotype with mob boss brief cases being full of cash.
"So show me this gift, already," I joke, "The suspense is killing me."
He hands me a big yellow envelope. He grins at me as I shake it, acting as if I'm trying to guess what's inside. I tuck my fingers between the seal and the envelope itself and I pull them away from each other. When I empty out the contents, I see there is a small stack of paper with check boxes and wording. I look at the top of the paper, at the stationary. My heart stops. I look up at Luke and he gives another timid smile.
"How did you-?" I can't even finish the question. I fish out a letter from the stack of papers.
Miss Caroline Burke,
Our gallery appreciates you sending in your artwork. After careful review of your portfolio, we are hopeful that you will accept our offer to hang some of your painting and drawings in our gallery to sell...
I stop reading and launch myself at Luke. I kiss him hard with passion and intensity. He got my artwork accepted into a gallery. I'm in high school, and he got my artwork into this gallery.
"I love you." He says. My eyes widen further. I always knew Luke loved me, but I also knew he had issues with trust. He'd been afraid to tell me how he feels, so instead he shows me. His three little words are just proof to me that he trusts me. I am about to kiss his cheek when there is a banging on the door. I'm suddenly afraid his mother has caught us together, she doesn't like girls spending the night.
"Caroline! Open up! It's time for you to get to school or you're going to be late!" The picture of me and Luke fades and turns black. I draw the covers up over my head.
"Five more minutes." I call out, trying to summon the dream again.
"NOW!" She yells.
"Okay, Okay, I'm up." I stumbled out of bed, and put my hands on my dresser. I gaze into the mirror at my rumpled hair and my sleep shirt. It was a dream. I choke out a sob. It is the best dream I ever had. Now, I'm back in reality and I realize it won't ever happen. Luke doesn't love me, he can't. He doesn't love, period. I knew it, I knew it was too good to be true.
The dream tastes bitter sweet on my lips even as I brush my teeth. I can still feel the touch of Luke's hand even as I shower, and I can still feel his kisses on my face even as I apply makeup. All it does is cause me more pain. My dreams will never be a reality. All I can do is accept it, move on, and pray to God things will be different. Hopefully someday someone will love me as much as I love then, and when that day comes, I will be able to truly live in my reality, and not in my dreams.
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139,539 Literary Works • 672,604 Reviews
This was really good. Well-written and nicely paced, I enjoyed reading it. I was, however, left a little confused. I got that it was a dream pretty quickly, but I wasn't able to work out whether Luke was completely a dream, or the MC was dreaming about an idealised version of her real boyfriend. Aside from that, I loved this.
The character's feelings felt really real really quickly, and I really believed how she felt - it didn't just state that she was in love with him, rather you SHOWED it too. Maybe it was a little mushy at times, but that suited the story to a T in this case. I felt really disappoinyed when it was 'all a dream', which shows what a great job you did in creating a connection between tje character and reader.
Only technical thingy I noticed that hasn't already been pointed out is:
'He' shouldn't be capitalised, and there should be a comma after 'you', not a full stop.
Otherwise, the grammar, spelling and punctuation was great.
Maybe if I have another nitpick, and this is partially personal taste, but it felt like a bit of an info dump when you described how Luke looked. It might have been preferable if you wove it throughout.
It's a really good piece you have here. Great job!
Thanks for the review. In the
The "H" should be capitalized because the first letter after a quotation mark has to be capitalized. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece, and I see what you mean about the info dump. Thanks again for the reviewI liked it. Don't think me weird or strange or creepish, but I think I liked it so much because I'm a lot like Luke. But I don't think that matters.
The subject matter was interesting, and you did a good job of making it intimate, but not hoity toity or so involved that the story itself doesn't matter anymore.
To be honest, I was confused when you wrote,
"I'm suddenly afraid his mother has caught us together, she doesn't like girls spending the night.
"Caroline! Open up! It's time for you to get to school or you're going to be late!" The picture of me and Luke fades and turns black. I draw the covers up over my head."
I was wondering how she was in Luke's room, afraid to be caught by Luke's mother, but Luke's mother was calling her name and telling her to get ready. I had to read it four or five times, but then it dawned on me that it was a dream, the whole point of the story. This was really clever. If I was confused, others will be to, and it will send them back to read it again and again until they figure it out. Once I figured it out, I instantly liked it more. Very good quality.
Thank you defyingravity01!
Thanks for the review. You aren't being creepy by saying you are like Luke. I was wondering about the similarities, what do you see in yourself that is like Luke?
Lol, it's just awkward for guys to talk about things, because guys are awkward. In any case, I would do things like him, like being more worried about the girl than myself, remembering her birthday, and giving her a gift that really matters. I owe it to my parents I guess, they kind of beat it into me.
well good. I wish dream Luke was like my "Luke" in real life. Sadly, Caroline's reality is much like my own. I'm glad your parents taught you how to treat a girl the right way, thanks again for the review
Hi Gravity! Lucrezia here, once again. Feel free to tell me to stop reviewing your stuff at any time, I know I must be driving you crazy by now.
Okay, well, let me start by saying that this was awesome! I was so not expecting that twist of it being all a dream. I mean, sure, I did think this was a bit too happy (especially for one of your writings), but I still had no idea it wasn't actually happening! Outstanding.
The material is good too. I felt the MC's love for him very clearly, and it was nice to see that from the perspective of them "dating" before we find out it's actually all in her mind. Very unique and intriguing.
The descriptions were nice, the flow was good. Really, it's pretty impossible for me to call you out on the overall storyline, since I can't think of anything wrong with it.
Technical issues:
"Body" sounds a bit repetitive. Not a big deal, of course.
I would suggest putting "you" in italics.
The O in the second "okay" doesn't need to be capitalized.
You accidentally spelled "them" as "then." Just change that pesky N to a M and you're good.
Love this line. "Bittersweet," however, is one word.
Now that the boring nitpicks are out of the way, let's get back to the fun praise, shall we? XD
Your character development is crazy good. It's amazing how many details you're able to give the reader in such short stories. Once again I feel like I know your MC well.
As many people love to point out, writing about a girl being in love with someone that doesn't return her feelings is a cliché. But this is the second piece I've read written by you on this subject, and both times you managed to make it original. Amazing!
The way you capture emotion in your stories is flawless. Her feelings are palpable, and that's crucial with writing.
All in all, another great piece. Keep up the awesome work! ^_^
Lulu, I could never be tired of your reviews! You always have great things to say, and I'm glad you like my work. I saw in one of your previous reviews that you are sick at home, so get better soon! Thanks for the review, goodnight
Aw, thanks Gravity! You just made my day. Well, night. ^_^