The Things I Keep Inside

I can very well relate to this. When I'm feeling "broken" or "torn" I want people to notice so that, if it be possible, they might help me. But at the same time I long to be alone so not to concern others with the deep pit of despair that I, oh so desperately, want to escape.
Great mental depiction!

This one was certainly intensely personal, you're very brave to have the courage to share this with people and I commend you for that.

The way you wrote this poem was very well written. It felt as though you were on the brink of falling into a dark pit, metaphorically speaking, or that you simply couldn't hold it any longer and this poem is more like an emotional outburst of how you truly feel at this moment.

I am not a sufferer of depression, but I know it can't be easy to live with it, to live with yourself feeling so sad and disconnected from everything. I know it must be difficult living with yourself everyday, and I know I could never truly understand the full capacity of what you're going through and your personal circumstances. But, I just want you to know that your existence is not meaningless and that you are truly a beautiful and special person! You exist for a reason and always remember that your life is worth living!


MissLyricz xx

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review for you. To begin, I really enjoy the tone you use during this poem and how you point forth at what you mean and how you want the people to listen to the problems you have. I been through depression and no one listened to me, since i never told them; later on, I wondered why I never said anything, maybe because I was stupid or maybe cause I was wary that I could do it myself.

Anyway, this poems makes me wonder is this how people always feel when they are always down? I only see the outside of the person, never the inside since the inside is bloody and gutsy. Now, i see the whole picture as if someone has explained to me what the meaning of life is more than meets the eye.

If there was anything that i would see or change, would be that I wished to write like you and you are a pretty girl.

From the bird brain,
CapitalMonday

Hey, Gravity~ I'll spare you the preamble; let's get to business.

As is always the case with poems that talk about depression, I'm never sure if the piece is written for personal reasons or just has depression as a topic. If this is personal, feel free to ignore my criticism; as it is, I'll talk more on the technicalities of the poem than the actual content.

Before I start, you need to know this: you are brave and you are striving, and God knows this, because He is testing you, and you will make it through. You are a beautiful person, okay? You are beautiful for writing this and posting this and being firm in your beliefs despite everything. I've been through depression. I know how powerless you can feel sometimes. If you ever need to talk, or rant, my inbox is open. <3

Now, to reviewing. You appear to have a formatting error, first and foremost. This might help. Your punctuation is all askew, too, because you have a period at the end of the poem (to prove a point, perhaps?) but you have none where your sentences end. I think the lack of punctuation may be intentional, and it also works rather well since it shows us how emotions course into one another--which is kind of what depression is: a landslide of mixed feelings toppling over one another. A suggestion, however: either keep the punctuation or do away with entirely. It's the same thing as mixed-rhyme, where there's a lack of consistency. Consistency is important; trust me on this.

The piece in itself reads more like a slam-poem-but-not-really than anything else. You've given some words their own lines and that draws attention; but always make sure that if you give a word its own line, it is powerful enough to stand on its own. It must also knit the poem together. I think several words (like 'thriving') could be cut out as it is unnecessary; you have already made your statement, no need for redundancy. Besides that, I'm not a big fan of the line-break between 'I'm exploding' and 'into tears' because it jarred the flow for me. The imagery is kind of on the cliche side in a couple of places, too, and I know for a fact that you can do better! c:

All in all, you've captured the emotion pretty well, I must say; you're simple and minimalistic and it works for you. So keep writing! Keep up the great work!

PM me if you need anything. Hope this helped~

~Pomp

You did an absolutely amazing job on this poem, I must say. I won't go into critique or specific commenting because I don't think that this piece needs it. But I will say this: you are a true poet because you are able to do what a poet needs to do: you allow the reader to drift off into the world of the unknown, the world of the all-too-familiar, and the world of dark reality. Not only do you observe what has happened around you, but you also observe what is happening inside of you, which is a very impressive feat in poetry. Keep writing, and keep thinking. You have a bright future ahead:)

Hello! I want to first say that I'm sorry you have to go through what you're going through. I wrote a similar poem about 3 years ago but at the time never had the courage to post it so I really admire your strength. The poem from what I can see has no errors, unless counting punctuation such as not having a comma or full stop after each line but that's not a must, and the flow is really good.

My favourite lines were:
"I ask God to speak to me
but he never answers
I'm silently begging for my friends to understand
to see the empty shell I've become"

I enjoyed reading this poem and thank you for sharing it. Hope you have/have had a good day.