z

Young Writers Society



So We Kill

by Gravity


A/N: I am a pacifist, yes. I don't agree with war or the reasons it happens, I don't think any problem should ever be solved with violence. However, I support the men fighting for the U.S. Do I support their reasons for fighting? Not necessarily. Do I love our soldiers? 100 percent, yes. I have a problem with the situation, not the people trying to protect us. I mean no disrespect, my brother is a soldier. So, reviews and comments alike are welcome! If you choose to share your political/social views, that's great, I'd love to hear your opinion. Just know it is exactly that, your opinion. Please keep it respectful

One word

One glance.

Anger, plaguing our bodies, weighing down our minds.
When does it end?

All it takes is one misstep, one little thing you do
to light the fire of fury in someone's heart

One mistake, one "problem" that could easily be solved
with an apology, an even temper. 
Yet, the fists come out.
They always do.

Guns, knives, words.
Deadly weapons, until what was once a small "problem"
has now become a catastrophe.

Out of our control, a raging fire, roaring,
screaming.

When does it end?

When someone dies?
Obviously not.

When hundreds die?
Still no.

When thousands die?
How about millions?

Never.

Who are we to decide who is "innocent"?
Who is "guilty"?

Are we not all guilty of having hate in our hearts?
Are we not all innocent once more when we are forgiven?

We kill, because no two people think the same way.
We kill, because we love different Gods, we love different people,
we love our own opinions, and ultimately, no one but ourselves.

Our differences are incredible
as beautiful as the colors in the rainbow,
as eloquent as the words in a poem,
as bright as the sun.

Yet. We Kill.

We Murder.


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User avatar
97 Reviews


Points: 114
Reviews: 97

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Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:09 pm
acm wrote a review...



Hi Gravity, acm here for a quick review!
This was a very powerful piece and you can easily understand the meaning and the purpose. I had a few favorite stanzas, but all of them were just as amazing. The punctuation helped the poem flow together nicely. I just have a couple things I would change:

Who are we to decide who is "innocent"?
Who is "guilty"?

I don't think you need the quotation marks, but if you want to keep them there, it would be fine too.
We Murder

This is just a small nitpick, but the word murder shouldn't be capitalized.
That's all I have for a review. I really liked this piece and can't wait to see more of your writing!




Gravity says...


hey!
Just wanted to let you know that at the end I capitalized the word "murder" for emphasis, but thank you so much for your critique. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem :)



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16 Reviews


Points: 73
Reviews: 16

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Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:29 pm
ThePhantomPrince wrote a review...



Ok let's jump right in, so normally I would not comment on grammar in poetry, because I don't think it is necessary, but since you use it I do think it should be consistent. Going with that you left off a few periods. More importantly let's talk about content. Poetry is most effective when you take emotion, and let it flow out through your words, which is obviously what you have done. I like your use of quotations to emphasize words.

That's all for my review, but I would like to add my opinion on the matter. War, and conflict are not good things, but they are simply a reality. It is within our very nature that we as people fight. I do not believe people will ever be able to overcome that. War is a terrible thing, but throughout history there have many many great non-military innovations that came from war, and I don't think society would be where it is today without it. That being said I would love a world without war.




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22 Reviews


Points: 378
Reviews: 22

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Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:21 pm
5kKitty wrote a review...



Wow! This work was totally awesome! Usually, I will have corrections for people when I review but for this all I can say is wow! I can't find anything wrong with this very opinionated, yet very accurate piece of poetry. I believe in pretty much everything you wrote.
My favorite part of this piece was:

"When someone dies?
Obviously not.

When hundreds die?
Still no.

When thousands die?
How about millions?

Never.

Who are we to decide who is "innocent"?
Who is "guilty"?"

Good job! I hope to read more from you in the future and keep up the fantablous (yes, I know that's not a word) writing!

- 5kKitty




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Points: 54
Reviews: 13

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Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:41 pm
RachitBansal wrote a review...



This is a very striking write!
You didn't tell to leaders the reason why we kill, why wars and why differences but also took them through a change. I really liked they way you stated that the count of kills is not what it takes to end the war but our own thoughts!
At certain places I did find a cliche, but it doesn't break the flow. The cliches sort of suits the way this poem is written!
Good written free verse!
Keep writing.





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