Halcyon

Note: Before you read this, I want you to know my definition of a Halcyon

Halcyon (adjective): A period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful

I also want you to be aware that I'm using the Halcyon definition in terms of being used as an adjective, to make this word a noun. Judge me if you wish, but a Halcyon to me means so much more than this definition. To me, my Halcyon is the time when I felt safe and happy. It was when I trusted people around me and they trusted me. Sadly, Halcyon's never do last forever. So enjoy the story.

Halcyon

The time when I could Defy Gravity

I clicked refresh on my gmail inbox at least 50 times within five minutes. I was waiting for an email from you. We always emailed after school. We had ever since we worked on that stupid project together.

I recalled the day that project was assigned. Our social studies teacher told us we could partner up in groups of two or three. Our assignment was to study the cultures and traditions of the middle east. It hadn't been a project I wanted to work alone on.

So I remembered walking up to you. You and your friend. "Sorry. I don't really have anybody else to work with, otherwise I wouldn't ask." I remembered saying. Now that I think about it, that statement was rude. But that's not how you took it. You shrugged while your friend said it was okay. Then you and he both started typing on your school-issued netbooks. That was the project that started it all.

We were in eighth grade. We had started out by hanging out in the media center together during study hall. Just so we could get work on the project done. We hadn't had a lot of time in class to work on it. You and I had done most of the work. The project was a Photostory. After that project, I had done a bunch of Photostories for different teachers to be aired on the televisions in school.

Finally, an email popped into my inbox.

My sister is being so annoying. Anyway. I want you to know that you can tell me anything. You can trust me with whatever you need to say. I'll always be here.

Thanks, and Pickles.

I giggled at the way you signed the email. I truly believed you would always be here for me. I was very much mistaken. Regardless, I had felt a flutter in my chest when you sent that email. I had the biggest crush on you. In fact, if you had given me the chance, I probably would have fallen in love with you. But I didn't. Because you broke the promise I thought you never would break. You left.

Present

I walk to sit down at a lunch table. People have been stealing my table, so my friends and I need to find another place to sit. Except, another boy moves quicker than I do. I recognize him. His name is Trey. I groan until I notice Trey motioning to someone else. It's you.

At this point, I'm standing directly behind Trey. You guys are motioning across the cafeteria to eachother. I smooth my dress. You gesture impatiently at Trey just as I look up and I am startled. It's almost like you were gesturing to me. I jump. You have not acknowledged my presence in person for almost a year and a half. We were friends, and now we aren't. It just worked out that way.

I hurry over to my friend Aubrey who is sitting at another table. I still look at you as Trey goes to join you, and a group of girls fills the table Trey just left. On a hunch, I check my email on my school laptop.

I'm falling back into death's welcoming arms.

My eyes grow wide. I hurriedly type back something and hit "Send".

"Charlie has gotten poetic." I say to Aubrey. She sees how nervous I am. Aubrey looks at me questioningly before pulling out a piece of pumpkin pie.

I dig in my lunch bag for a nickel. It's incredibly convenient that I just happen to have a nickel. I check the date on the email. Charlie sent this a few days ago. So I get up and power walk to the media center.

I pull the email up on a media center computer. Then I hit "Print". I need a four digit code to print, so I ask one of the media center teachers. She types in the code for me as I hand her the nickel. That's the price to print something.

The email looks so tiny on the paper, but it will have to do. I circle what you sent and write something in purple pen.

Did you send this? Send me a text by 7 pm tonight telling me if you did or not. If you didn't, I will ignore all emails from this account.

Then I fold up the paper and walk from the bathroom across the cafeteria and to your table. I walk by and drop the note in your lunchbox. None of your friends notice. You look at me, and I jerk my head at the note. You slip it into the pocket of your sweatpants. One of your friends see that you aren't paying attention to the discussion anymore.

"Earth to Charlie." He says as I walk back to my table.

You were hacked. Someone got into your email before. I know this because they talked to me. Ben talked to me. So I needed to know it was you.

I wonder about the email. Will you leave me again? That scares me. Does this email mean you are back for good? That much I don't know. What I do know, is I miss you. I miss our Halcyon. I miss spending time together in the media center. I'm not even sure why all of that stopped. What I do know is, right after school I receive a text from an odd number.

It was me.

I know your number. My parents never approved of me being friends with you, so I didn't have your number in my contacts. Night after night, I typed that number into my phone. I remember very clearly how I deleted the messages before I even began to type them.

You left me. You promised you would be there for me. So you were right. You are falling into death's welcoming arms. I love you in so many different ways. But I know you either need to stay or go. So I hit reply and begin to type.

You left me, Charlie. You either need to stay or go. Why did you send me that message?

But then I delete the text and send something else.

Let's talk.