Young Writers Society

In your response to my obviously misplaced attempt at providing at least the slightest bit of reassurance and support, you claimed that I should focus more on your work. Now, first I thought it'd be best to leave this work alone, especially after being lashed out at, but every work deserves a review and I need a sense of completion.

So be it, here's an honest review. Fair warning though, I'm an advocate of honest and fair reviewsmanship. So I'm looking at it from a purely technical standpoint here. No feelings involved whatsoever.

One thing strikes me immediately, and that is the strange category choice. Your work is, without the shadow of a doubt, written in prose. I don't see a reason to categorize it as poetry. Just a minor detail, maybe an accident, but whatever, moving on. Not really important.

As for the content itself, I do quite like the use of the stages of grief. It adds a nice tone to the overall work, gives it a gimmick (for the lack of a better word, although gimmick does have a somewhat derogatory vibe) of sorts that I can definitely appreciate. However, you missed bargaining. Bargaining is an essential stage of grief, and you seem to have forgotten to mention it. I'd look over the work and add that bit just for completion ("Had I done this, surely things could have been different," etc.).

The way you describe the process of despising oneself through such toil seems sufficient. Adds a bit of insight. But it has been written like that before. If, however, you could find a way to set yourself apart from others writing about similar topics, it'd lift your work above theirs. See, that seems to be a running theme with common topics. Writers don't do enough to add something new to the table and often end up not interesting the reader. And, after all, interesting one's reader is possibly one of the most important aspects of a good piece of literature. Not that I'm particularly good at garnering interest myself, but I rest my case.

Grammatically, the work seems to be without any glaring flaws. Nice change of pace as well. Good job on that. Speaking of pace, the pacing was good enough, although the story is quite short, so your pacing couldn't really show its true colors. It's a damn shame too. I'd extend the story just a tad if I were you.

Anyway, your piece does what it's supposed to do. Grammar is fine, form seems alright, but it's not poetry, rather prose, and it could have done with a little more length. Perhaps more details, more drawn out descriptions? Since it is a work hinging on feelings and thoughts, you might try to extend those feelings and thoughts, add a touch of philosophy. That's my suggestion, anyway.

Got nothing to say other than that. The final paragraph is by far the best of the bunch, because it's written in a more lyrical, poetic fashion overall, something that's necessary for works of this sort.

Peace be with you! Future hopeful IDF combat volunteer signing out!

It's amazing how much emotional agony can wreck havoc with our bodies. I know that, speaking personally for myself, I tend to crave food when I am completely stressed out, and if I don't succumb to my cravings, it physically hurts.

Anyway, I think my favorite poetic line in your piece is this one:

Being on par won't make or break who I am and my obstacles are more daunting than perfectly manicured lawns or pools of glimmering water that always reflect the sun.

Imma focus on the content of this work, because I can relate and I sure as hell need to support you, 'cause you shouldn't be buying into this whole acceptance thing. That's succumbing to an imaginary defeat, surrendering to something you can beat.

As I said, I get your pain, I really do. It shows in your work, but there's a way out! You might think that it's easy to gain weight, and that my experience isn't as valid as yours, but believe me, to see the scale turn from 120 pounds down to 110 from hour to hour for no reason no matter how much you eat is more than unpleasant, especially for a guy at this age. That, and my girlfriend is slightly overweight (natural disposition, she just puts on fat easily).

However, both of us are fighting and we're fighting hard. It's nearly impossible, but we're winning, pound by pound, and so can you. So you're gonna strip away the people who discourage you, silence them from your life, talk to a proper psychologist who can actually help you with the cravings, and after that, you can start fighting for a better, healthier, and dare I say more attractive body. The possibilities are limitless. The same can't be said for people with an actually fucked up thyroid gland - people who cannot and will not lose weight no matter how hard they try.

Don't take this as me insulting your willpower. Not at all. You have a legitimate issue and need to see an expert. Just know that it isn't final, and people have recovered from worse situations. The human body and mind are both insanely adaptable and you can bend them to such lengths - believe me, the breaking point is still far, far away. You can heal with due time and help.

Accept the situation you are currently in, but don't think of it as a done deal. You aren't nearly beyond help. If you find a professional psychologist, and later a nutritionist and keep at it for a year or two, believe me, you can be that 180 pound girl again sooner than you'd believe. Hell, you can be a 120 pound girl if you so desire. It'll suck and it'll hurt like hell, but it may very well be worth it.

Be in good faith, God didn't bring this upon you. God's will is not to bring pain. Do not feel angry with God, instead, pray for better days. Stay positive, and most importantly, fight!