Broken Houses

I really liked the flow and rhythm, but what really stood out was the emotion and figurative language. 'cookie cutter houses on cookie cutter sheets' was so pleasant on the tongue that I said it three times. You showed the way the girl felt in every stanza, or at least the cause of her pain. I really loved the way you ended it. The last line of the last stanza signed off beautifully, it didn't leave me hanging. Keep it up!

Beautiful! The format is simple yet elegant. I absolutely loved it. Continue writing please!

This is gorgeous. Just amazing. I'd review it, but I really can't think of anything else to say, except to go on about how beautiful it is.

And I love the lack of punctuation. It somehow makes it feel that much more raw.

This is deep not gonna lie. Sounds like the parents are caught in a row and their child is suffering the consequences. I like how the poem is short and simple. It would be even better with more content I think. But it's great anyways! Keep it up

Hey.

Short and awesome. I liked how you just used two words to simply express deep meanings, good job on that. I didn't find any glitches as such but I would suggest one thing. I think you should add more content maybe? Like a little meat to this.

Make it finer, it's got great potential I bet. Anyways, kudos on this, I liked it a lot. Good concept. Something that's common but not expressed so well.

Keep writing and stay blessed.

x

A fine short poem that is filled with emotion. I thought the language was simple yet meaningful. Nice imagery and word choice but both could be improved. I suggest you add in more details about the broken house you speak of so the poem wouldn't be so vague, unless you intended it to be this way. All in all, nice but can be improved.

-Toe

Love this poem I can feel the emotion in this poem and that is sometimes what makes it more enjoyable. Keep writing!

What a poem! My, I guess the writer's block stopped. Anyway, this is awesome! Every line is well worded. At the start, I didn't understand where it was all going. Then in the second stanza I realized that this was about divorce. From there you have developed an amazing description of what must be a really hard time. "Broken promises unkept vows ongoing quarrels furrowed brows"--I might start quoting you. I just want to repeat all the lines you've written because they're excellent. This poetry is pure and mighty; I can feel every scene and picture all the heartbreak. (I do still have trouble understanding the cookie cutter metaphor.) It's beautiful and nothing less! It has good form and rhythm. Well, well, well done! For someone who normally disdains fragments, I could hardly insult your use of them. In your case, these fragments have been an expert tool and not a crutch. Me gusta mucho! I am eager to read more of your poetry when I get the chance. Again, good job, Gravity!

Wow! Just wow. The pace is good. The rhyme is good. The beat is good. I liked the theme of the story very much. I encourage you to keep on writing.

Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01

Hi Gravity!

This is insanely perfect. Although I don't come from a broken home, the words"plastic smiles
twisted sheets" really stood out to me.

I love how you described the feelings one many have while living in a broken home in your own words. You made the poem so realistic.

Great job.

Beautiful! I can't begin to pinpoint one specific thing this poem is about. My favorite part is the "cookie cutter houses" section. I love the detail and relativity to life. Great work!

This poem is beautiful! I love the way you use the imagery of the gingerbread house as a metaphor for divorce. I also liked the word choice, especially towards the end.
"Cookie cutter houses
on cookie cutter streets
plastic smiles
twisted sheets"
was my favorite part.

Litterally this speaks to me so much. Well done.

I.
Am.
Batman.

Heyo, Gravity. xJ here for a review.

I liked the simplicity of this poem. You showed that even if a poem is short, simple, and straight to the point, It can still have some deep meaning to it. So, I applaud you.

But, I have a few notes. I loved this poem, I really did, but you need some pauses in your lines. If you just keep the stanzas going like that, it feels like a run-on sentence. And plus, pauses add more dramatic effect.

Another thing, the beginning was a bit choppy. "Tears in kitchens" should be changed a bit. I dunno, It might just be me and my opinion, but that didn't sound too good to me. As well as the: "Cookie cutter houses on cookie cutter streets," Good repetition, but again, make it less choppy.

Your flow was alright. I did like this poem, so keep writing.
May your travels through space and time be merry,

-xJ ❤︎

The poem Broken Houses by Gravity is a good attempt since it beautifully describes the situation of pain and twists in ones life when there isnt a roof which covers your head.

i could see a pattern of rhymying words done by the poet/poetess so i donot doubt on the competency of the poet that there isnt any attempt to do rhyming like

empty walls
unanswered calls

unkept vows
furrowed brows

on cookie cutter streets
twisted sheets

a young girl crying
and all the lying.

i donot see any point of putting a fullstop here if there is a continuity in the poetry.


hands are fisted
from whole to twisted


i liked the presentation of the rhymes. But, somewhere i feel that the poem could have been elaborated a bit instead of few words in each line to give the reader a complete picture and keep him engrossed till the end.

i hope this makes a little difference in your poem!!! would you require any help do lete me know.


have a good day!!!

Broken promises and unkept vows are the two main reasons of a broken house. Or maybe we should use "home" for a more forceful impact.

Once mom or dad turned away from their covenant, it will surely result into tears, not just in kitchen, but also in the eyes of a young girl (or boy). A child's life will never be whole, but twisted, which they will bring even into their graves.

This is a poignant poem about family losing sense of direction. And the rhyming of words are good for the second and fourth lines of every stanza. I rarely see rhyming of words in my poetry review.

I'll give this 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Thank you for writing this,Gravity.<3 This really touched me and I could easily relate. Keep on writing!

Depression, a dysfunctional family, a description of something you went through, or domestic violence.

I'd say depression because I know it's something you have, you have said so before.

I'd say a disfunctional family because that's what I see from the words alone.

I'd say a description of something you went through because it sounds like a moment of intense emotional distress being written as it's perceived.

Or domestic violence, because as a victim and witness from many different points in my life it sounds vaguely familiar.