Tired, and feeling like your head is full of pinpricks.
It is summer, you think, running your fingers through your hair.
The forest scatters late fireworks, flags waving high in the
brittle air. You have lived like this too long.
A constant buzz punctuates the silence. Your bedroom, your home,
have emptied
and you do not know why. All you can do is laugh at the absurdity.
You write on crumpled paper scraps, journals open to the page.
You forget
what life was like before this. You have become like the trees:
bloated with the hope of growth. You fight for every scrap of nourishment.
You go underground and flow over rocks and sand to the ocean.
You swim and dive, searching for life and waiting for it.
Every fiber of your being is consumed by the hunger that is
not quite there.
Mystery, the name you have for your enemy. There is a constant
rumble
deep in your gut, a bulge in your belly.
You force yourself to sleep and feel like you are drowning.
You seek to fix the mystery.
A speck of dust creates a deep red
trail across your eyes. A tickle flutters across your skin.
You swallow it and watch your belly grow.
A sudden crash shocks you awake. It is bright. You are cold. You are hungry.
You breathe deeply and run out into the water. You are alive
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello @Glauke , I am @ForeverYoung299 and is here to give you a review.
I can't find words to describe my feelings for this poetry. It was something vague and strange but it was awesome. It contained many deep meanings on it's own. Your imagination, your feelings - all are flawless and as a result, your work is also flawless.
I absolutely loved it. Keep writing more.
Bye!!! Hope this hwlps!!!
Thanks!
This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Plz write more
Thank you <3
Wow, this was really controversial and interesting, but brilliant. I love the patchy way that it is written- it really shows how absurd life is. My favourite bit was:
Because not only can I relate to that, it gives a rather strange feeling of life being everywhere, and that events, things etc are like those scraps of paper: they are everywhere and immerse you in nonsense and strange thoughts. This story also reminds me of a strange dream- you have really captured that atmosphere of being, in some sense, crazed and mindless about what is going on in your life.
I just loved the ending, because the character awakens and there are these survival instincts that kick in suddenly. In my interpretation, this is a revelation and the narrator becomes human again and sorts themselves together and order all the chaos of their life. This could be indicated from the quote:
as this resembles what it is like to be uncertain about your future.
I also love your structure. The lack of capitol letters and the way that different lines merge really add to that strangeness. However, could you add more detail just to make some lines have a little more sense? Not too much ao that you ruin the style, but just a little:
I absolutely love this line, but could you explain it just a tad bit more. If not, then that's absolutely fine, because I love it the way it is. Awesome work.
Thank you for your review!