I lost my voice three times that season,
my words coarsed like the edge of a page.
What, then, was the meaning of them? It doesn’t
matter now. I loved
that people would ask me,
“How did you lose your voice?
Did you go to a concert?”
(There was an implied mystery,
and poets love mystery.)
They were right, of course —
I was a member of the most important audience
there is.
I went to concerts, and many places besides.
I stayed up, bobbing in Brazilian blue waters until sunrise,
trying to understand my new lover
in his native tongue. I rose-blushed in the sun
and let the blooms burst through my throat,
welcoming the pleasure.
I drove through canyons and dug out quartz.
I had an orgasm, I had an orgasm, I had an orgasm.
I wore my flesh like a wedding gown.
My voice rose on shaky feet to praise
youth, ecstasy, connection, the time passing
through our collective savoring. The pleasure poured out of me
like wine, and I didn’t mind
that I lost my voice three times
that season.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Wow. I just now have found your poems, but they are exactly what I wish to become. Although I am writing a poem or two (revising feels like an endless process,) I am wouldn't consider myself qualified to give a review. All the same, this poem made me feel things, while it still keeps secrets: exactly what I want my poems to do.
I loved the line "my words coarsed like the edge of a page." I feel the dull blades of a paper's edge, but I also think of letters being frantically compressed and words bending and curving downwards into illegible shading along the paper's side.
The whole poem feels so real. The narrator states how they "loved that people would ask [them]" and that they were "a member of the most important audience there is," yet the poem is about their love for a shared experience. In words that make sense to any other than me, the narrator seems like they are searching for attention, but the poem is about more than them. Unrelated, but the use of "wine" as opposed to any other drink is very clever, too, since wine is luxurious, but intoxicating.
I love everything about this poem: the alliteration of "p" in the final stanza, the repetition of "I had an orgasm" three times to tie it with the narrator losing their voice, the metaphors and similes. I don't have anything useful to say (besides praise,) but I want you to know the your piece has inspired me become a better poet.
btw, I didn't revise this review because it's 3 and I'm tired, so your gonna have to suffer through my less-than-stellar first-ish draft.
Hey, Glauke!
This is a beautiful poem here. Originally I thought it was going to be something tragic based on screaming or loss, but I am pleasantly surprised that it was something pleasant! Your writing here shows beautiful control of diction and imagery.
I love this line right here. It shows how alluring this situation is not just to the speaker, but to others. It sets the scene.
This reveal that the speaker was talking about their lover was so amazing! The metaphor of a concert used to describe a romantic meet-up is so sweet. It's the sort of language that makes the speaker and this lover feel weird.
This is my favorite stanza here. The repetition of the second line conveys so much. the repeat of this concert, the overwhelming feeling of it. Driving through canyons is such a tasteful way to convey how bodies move against each other. And your flesh being as beautiful and pure as a wedding gown is a phenomenal concept. Overall, this stanza took my breath away!
I think this is the first poem of yours I've reviewed, and I'm a little disappointed about that now since it's clear you have so much talent. I'm honestly blown away. Excellent job! Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading.
Happy Writing
Wist
gorgeous
Hiya, friend! Ellie here with a quick review! Let's jump right in!!
I absolutely love your writing <33
First of all- you use very unique but brilliant line breaks in your writing. That is something I am eager to try and my own. I also like the directness of this first line. It is not "probably three times" or "about" or "like" it is three times. The edge of the paper example made me FEEL that feeling. It can be dull or it can be sharp. I also loved how you asked that question on the third line. Brilliant!
You get very vivid and beautiful here, describing love and a blooming rose. I like how you had the sun which allowed you to be this rose-blushed person growing in love. Reminds me of your 10 commandments for the blooming rose poem
This was probably my favorite line. Wearing our bodies and skin with beauty, something to be appreciated and loved and seen as special. I liked how the last stanza returned to the beginning and answered our question of how you lost your voice. Overall, this was very romantic and beautiful and peaceful to read. Keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you so much for your review! I wasn't getting notifications from this site for a minute so I'm just now seeing some of these reviews you left
Thank you for your lovely feedback. <3