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140,870 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
This is such a powerful line! It reframes what might seem like a small rebellion as something elemental. Hair becomes a stand-in for bodily autonomy and wildness that resists being tamed, which I connect to a radical sense of self-possession.
The poem’s structure really supports its message, as well. It flows like thought, pausing but never halting. You use enjambment to let certain images breathe, especially the italicized lines. I feel that these refrains function like societal voices, or even internalized ones, and I love how the narrator resists them with tenderness and conviction instead of, say, rage.
I think some of the images get lost though. For example:
This line is lovely! I do think it could benefit from more grounded language just before “vast and gentle” though -- maybe one more concrete idea to bridge the physical soil and the metaphorical mind. “Neural roots” is metaphorical of course, but it pulls me out of the physical world of the poem into something more conceptual.
The narrator is strong, but they are rarely vulnerable. You’ve clearly written a voice that is defiant, but when that strength is so constant, I feel it can start to come across as performative. I want to see a moment where the narrator isn't putting on this facade of capability. You do touch on vulnerability here, though:
That’s closer! Something like this could make the wildness more powerful to me, because it shows they aren't shying away from emotions that don't conform to certain societal norms.
Great job!
this is so awesome i love it!!! honestly cannot express how much i find this poem so beautiful. the language and the imagery is so lovely. ugh, gosh.
Young, carefree and wild at heart, this reminds me so much of myself and even my daughter. There's so many more things important on this earth than brushing through my curls to frizziness. Messy buns and pinned back curls are my thing. My hair is as wild as my heart, and this poem says just that for you. Totally agreeable.. the nature mixed in with imagery gives this a very blooming vibe and filled my senses as I read. Nice
Young, carefree and wild at heart, this reminds me so much of myself and even my daughter. There's so many more things important on this earth than brushing through my curls to frizziness. Messy buns and pinned back curls are my thing. My hair is as wild as my heart, and this poem says just that for you. Totally agreeable.. the nature mixed in with imagery gives this a very blooming vibe and filled my senses as I read. Nice
Young, carefree and wild at heart, this reminds me so much of myself and even my daughter. There's so many more things important on this earth than brushing through my curls to frizziness. Messy buns and pinned back curls are my thing. My hair is as wild as my heart, and this poem says just that for you. Totally agreeable.. the nature mixed in with imagery gives this a very blooming vibe and filled my senses as I read. Nice
Oh my god.