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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hiya friend!! Ellie here for a quick review on your lovely poem! Let's get right into it
First of all, the name of this poem and the formatting is gorgeous. It caught my eye right away. I love the listing style of commandments that you use. It gives '10 commandments' but different style.
Your writing is so vivid and descriptive! A heartbeat in darkness!! I love the description you use of kisses and curling smoke. Seriously, how descriptive you are is so impressive and reading this was absolutely lovely.
This are such direct and powerful truths. You touch on so much, but it is all easy to understand and feels so true to me. I love the idea of worshipping while living in not fully understanding. It gives such a feeling of existing and moving forward. It gives me the feeling of radical acceptance for life circumstances and understanding and coming to peace with not knowing every thing.
Lovely!! Sometimes I feel so much religious stress for what I do not understand and this poem brings me a lot of peace over that. The idea of a 'blooming rose' is a perfect image in my head for what you are describing.
This ending was so good. 'Always just out of reach' but always enough, if you choose to accept the unknown and find peace within yourself.
Keep writing, this was so lovely <3333
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you so much for your feedback <3
in your description you wrote how it is about worshipping a god of which you can not see and I can see that through out some of the writing. at the same time while writing this it felt like it was writing to a lover maybe a current love or a past one, I see that when you wrote "his wine rubied lips are your messiah, his rough hands your prophet,communion something both of your bodies do." I fell like that is symbolizing how they are actually a physical being and you can touch and feel him and you do/did stuff with him. then towards the end when it says "allow the rose to bloom and accept the gift of waiting." which shows how you realize you cant have them but you still want them so you allow that love for them to bloom and accept the fact that you have to wait for them or you chose to wait for them even though you know that you cant have them but you wait anyways. then at the very last commandment it says "remember that God is a man. who is always just out of reach." saying how that connecting back to the person being written about is god that he is a man and is there but just barely out of your reach no matter how close he seems, then recircling back to saying it is/was a lover that you see him as a god or other worldly being but he is just out of reach and will never yours again or can never be yours no matter how much you want him its just not meant to be. either way if my interpretation isn't correct I still very much enjoyed reading this.