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Data Retrieval

by Glauke


My father is slate grey, LCD.
He hides under tactile switch-keys and rolls the weight of a trackball down and down again.

He’s in boxes and boxes and stacks of boxes, never unpacked,
in encyclopedias and copper cables across his office wall.

He sleeps on Minoxidil pillowcases, clean sheets in his big
empty room. Back then we had no one to live with us, just us two
in our too-big house. I’m sure he felt lonely but
I loved how much space there was.

He lives in SD cards when things were good,
smiling in pictures with ice cream and white dogs.
He loved me in Mykonos, at summer camps, when I got my ears pierced
with a needle and beamed as blood crusted
where I couldn’t see it.

Pixels don’t pick up that sort of thing, just the ones and zeroes
of the man who made my world flash with light.

I tell him, “I need you sometimes. The world can be dark.

My father lives in an aperture half an inch wide (the event horizon
of my life contained within, reflected backwards,
warped and distorted). I know he watches me from within; I hear
his critical shutter snap when I lose my footing.

I tell him, “Please see the good parts of me too.”

I fear he will become an error message flashing through my mind,
a corrupted file somewhere in the system. A window I can’t close.
Errors and errors and compounding errors, every step a data point
declining; I told you so.

I tell him, “I’m trying.”
I tell him, “I need you to see me.”
I ask him, “Aren't I still your daughter?”

I look for him in photos, but the pixels melt like sand and slip away.

There is no way to get that data back, but surely
it’s encoded somewhere.


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258 Reviews

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Fri Jun 21, 2024 1:16 am
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Spearmint says...



Ley recommended this poem, and I'm so glad I read it! It's super creative and beautiful <3

My father is slate grey, LCD.

What a strong opening line :0

He lives in SD cards when things were good,

!!!

There is no way to get that data back, but surely
it’s encoded somewhere.

Amazing. Great work :D




Glauke says...


Thank you so much for your feedback!



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Thu Jun 20, 2024 5:46 pm
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Ley wrote a review...



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Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD

Shell Start:
Oooh! I absolutely loved the technological references in this poem! I really loved the formatting here too, the left and right stanzas, as well as the dialogue you included for dramatic effect. Let's get into the details, though~

Favorite Leaf:

My father lives in an aperture half an inch wide (the event horizon
of my life contained within, reflected backwards,
warped and distorted). I know he watches me from within; I hear
his critical shutter snap when I lose my footing.

What a wonderful stanza! Especially the 'event horizon' line, which to me, means that his influence is unmanageable and unescapable, yet, also distant and unreachable. The last line in this stanza, 'I hear his critical shutter snap when I lose my footing' was also super powerful, you really encapsulated feelings of warped reality and a warped relationship with your father here.

I fear he will become an error message flashing through my mind,
a corrupted file somewhere in the system. A window I can’t close.
Errors and errors and compounding errors, every step a data point
declining; I told you so.

And this, right here, was my all time favorite stanza from this piece. You somehow managed to perfectly create an image of my mind, I just saw red warning signs on a computer, and a message popping up that says 'I told you so'. Wonderful comparisons, here!

Shell Fractures:
I honestly don't have any suggestions for this piece. It was well written, emotional, and easy to understand. I also kind of relate to this poem, as I don't have the best relationship with my father, either. Since this seems like a personal poem to you, I wouldn't make any recommendations anyways, but for note: there was nothing I would change. Amazing!

Overall:
This was an emotional, artistic, and advanced take on your relationship with your father. I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing this with us, and I'd have to say, this is one of the best poems I've read on YWS. Your word choices, comparisons, and imagery was top-notch. I hope to read more poetry from you soon! Have a lovely day.

Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~

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Glauke says...


Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.



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Thu Jun 20, 2024 3:29 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



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Hello there, friend :D :D Ellie stopping by to leave you a quick review on this poem! I hope your day is wonderful so far. Let's jump right in to the review and get started:

He’s in boxes and boxes and stacks of boxes, never unpacked,
in encyclopedias and copper cables across his office wall.


Oooh!! What intricate details and specific details we have here! Right from the start, your details intrigued me. You describe the boxes, but then give us more details, then more about the appearance, then the location. I love this!! Awesome work on these, throughout the entire poem.

Pixels don’t pick up that sort of thing, just the ones and zeroes
of the man who made my world flash with light.


These lines flowed very well, in my opinions. The 'pixels and pick' flow well and the same with 'ones and zeroes' and the 'flash with light'. Amazing job on the flow and rhythm in these lines. I found your topic to be very interesting and unique as well. I would totally love to read more of something like this in the future.

I loved this last part:

There is no way to get that data back, but surely
it’s encoded somewhere.


^^ They give a but of an almost ominous feel. I hope to see more from your soon!! Amazing job.

Your friend,
Ellie

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