Silly Me

O.O

Gee your falling in love?

This was unterly interesting.

You are silly.

I can feel some of the emotion, and how tangled it is...

I hope to see more....

Thanks,

pegasusgirl2

or

Manika

Oh my gosh , !!!!! If there was a million like buttons i'd push it, i can completely relate to this, this is what i was going through last year too. Small world. I exspecially loved when you said "Slave of a feeling , but im sitting on the throne" This was really good, im going to learn alot from you . Im excited to read more

SO cute so cute so cute so cute so cute . I love this. Have I mentioned I think it's cute? Just making sure....lol anyways, You did great job on this and I just absolutely love reading your work . When you told me you couldn't write, I didn't believe you, but now looking at some of your actual pieces I know you were lying . From someone with such a hispanic background, the fact that you can write in English so fluidly and perfectly, with perfect grammar and exact rhythm is mind boggling to me. I would love to be bilingual, and to be able to write stuff like this in Spanish.....Maybe one day! Great job!! If you ever stop writing I shall be very sad .

On first reading this poem I feel like there is nothing that needs to be changed at all. There is a really nice feeling to it and I can sense the frankness that you're trying to portray. For me this poem doesn't need any fancy lines or complicated puzzle mixed inside. You've just simply spoken your thoughts and done a great job while at it as well.

If I have to give you one suggestion, it would be to try and add a rhyme to it. The poem has such a good flow to it and with a nice choice words you can make it into a beautiful lyrical poem. However, even without rhyme, your piece is quite convincing. The biggest Plus point of the poem is that it is honest and it shows in the words. I like this a lot.

Oh, and one more thing - XD lol

This poem made me smile!! I normally don't read poems because they're usually boring, but this is why we have YWS so that emerging poets like you can entertain us while leaving a significant message in our hearts It's sooo cute!!

Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake

Wow u already have a lot of reply's your famous lol anyways i really like your poem

I find great irony, reading this now that I'm on the polar opposite of the scale you were on to have written this. I feel like I'm reading a wish of mine, secretly. Very well don, Sol. You've got quite a good way of expressing yourself

Cute! Very creative.
Silly me, I'm back here again.
Holding on to something that I want far awaychange to "that remains far away.
And, here I am,
trying to say farewell.
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself.
Silly me, just look what I've become.
Slave of a feeling,
but sitting on a throne. (Throne of what?)
Powerful while dreaming,
fool when I'm awake.
Meanwhile, life mocks me and makes obvious bets.

Silly me, trying to stop stopping what has grown.
"Wake up! What do you want?"I'm sure I know.
But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughtsBut still, I hide behind my mind and thoughts.
Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world.
I'm way lost again.
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey".
Silly me, tangling up some words,
Just to accept itthat I'm falling in love.

I always tell myself that a girl could laugh into the eyes of a boy in love, and feel nothing. I always ask, "What do they feel when they're in love? 'butterflies?'" I never thought there'd ever be such a clear and understanding view of the real deal behind a true girls feelings. Very well put and surprisingly clear for a guy who'd otherwise know nothing but common gobbledygook about a girls feelings. Your work is really deep, don't ever let your talent go to waste!

sollyplushie!!!! XD hi
I love this poem...don't have any criticism for you XD
nice work!!

Um.... Yeah Its great!
Though i feel a bit weird cos now everyone seems to "know" what "love" is and I feel like i don't.

GREAT WORK!

I liked this, it made me smile.
Its a good piece of poetry and the idea is good, I also like the structure, it works well with the poem.
I love the feelings in this and how it also makes you feel, like your with the character.
I love it seriously!
I especially like:

Exploring the world, I'm way lost again

I like it a lot. I know how you\character feels. Actually I'm feeling that way right now. *Dreamily sighs* Dylan...
Anyway just want to tell you I love it and keep writing!

D'awwe, Solvaa, this is really good. I'm afraid I can't really give you a review on this because long story short, I stink at reviewing poetry. But yeah, I really enjoyed reading this and it deserves to be up there and featured. I thought I'd jst stop by to say that. Keep writing m'dear, and never give up. Ever!
~Tamara x

OMG! Hey Solvy, Shadow here!

There isn't much to say! I LOVE it! You know, you're my favourite poet ^^ haha on YWS that is I've read a lot of your work (though I haven't reviewed much) and I love everything you've done! You're an amazing person, really!

Lots of love and luck! Keep writing, you're great!

This is a lovely poem, Solvalery. You have put in so much emotion into this piece, and that’s what I found enjoyable.
I did find it a little difficult to try and understand what’s going on - whether it’s supposed to be sad or whether it’s supposed to be happy, if it’s supposed to be good or bad, so it was confusing for me in that respects,... but I guess that’s what really happens you’re in a situation of when you’re falling in love with someone. So if that’s the case, then you’ve done a good job at bringing in all those emotions and feelings into the piece.

This is a work of skill and it really is a good poem which expresses a lot of emotion and feeling.
I’m just gonna throw this out there for curiosity’s sake... have you considered putting a tune to it? Who knows - it could work out very nicely as a song.

Keep up the great work.

Great job! When I first looked at it, I couldn't get past the first lie because your profile picture is SO amazing, but distracting... I was VERY tired at the time. Anyways, I came back to it, very glad I did. I love this poem, it's catchy. Again, great job, thank you for sharing this, and I'd love to read more from you!

This was a good poem.
I enjoined reading it, and the fact of what it was at the end was a surprise.
I can definitely relate to this poem, and I think that is wonderful.
The fact that what happens and what is going on, or what the person is saying in this poem, makes you really think. I know that it is a good example of what happens to a bunch of younger girls like me, as falling in love is something silly.
Keep writing, and keep up the good work!
Here, there, and everywhere,
CassidyRose

TAKE A PEACE
OF MY HEART
AND BE HAPPY

PEACE LOVE HAPPINESS :d ;D

Thanks, guys.

i totally agree

Because I wanted to... wrote:So you made me feel like I was reading about myself I like it. It touched a soft spot for me.
I think if you worked on it more you could make it have more of a rhythm, but know it can be really difficult to say what you feel and keep the beat. I'm not very good at it myself.
Starting each section with 'Silly me' was a great though.
Love that ^_^

kakagirl wrote:Sol..
Another excellent piece of work! This one is rather light hearted and fun, a real easy going read.
I thoroughly enjoyed every verse and not only did it show talent but it showed your fun side too. XD

On to grammar. You must have checked over well as I couldn't find much wrong with your punctuation. Not much at all. I'm going to be very picky now so here goes! --->>


Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far awayThe if you read this it doesn't exactly make sense. Holding onto something that you want far away? Are you saying you want it but not near you or what? Maybe re-write this. It's a little confusing.
And, here I am, trying to walk awayThe second away is bothering me. It's a bit too repetitive for me.
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of I think slave to a feeling sounds better. a feeling, but sitting on a throne This is well written sol! It's exactly how you feel when your in love. Yo'll do anything for him/her but your feeling like your on cloud nine!
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?" Again this is a little confusing. Wake up is a command and then you have a question. It's a bit rushed for such a skilful work of art. )
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost againBeautiful. The words are jumping off the page.
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey" Ah hah!! We finally know that your falling for a guy. It's a good time to let us know as I was getting a little agitated at not knowing what you were on about. So thanks for dropping that little hint. Sneaakky sol!

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love



Your ending was really genius. Like after all the imagery and descriptive words you finally say ah feck it! And then you just spill it simply. It's like that with love. YOU make so many flowery and dolled up excuses but in the end the answer is clear and plain.

Tis must of taken a lot of your time sol! It's really really good and I must say there is another like coming your way! I loved reading this.

Like like like! I wish there was a love button.
XD
KAKA XO

So you made me feel like I was reading about myself I like it. It touched a soft spot for me.
I think if you worked on it more you could make it have more of a rhythm, but know it can be really difficult to say what you feel and keep the beat. I'm not very good at it myself.
Starting each section with 'Silly me' was a great though.
Love that ^_^

Like it, very frank and forthright. I can definitely relate to this and know how your feeling (for the most part). Not much of a poetry guy myself but you have a good piece here definitely.

Sol..
Another excellent piece of work! This one is rather light hearted and fun, a real easy going read.
I thoroughly enjoyed every verse and not only did it show talent but it showed your fun side too. XD

On to grammar. You must have checked over well as I couldn't find much wrong with your punctuation. Not much at all. I'm going to be very picky now so here goes! --->>


Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far awayThe if you read this it doesn't exactly make sense. Holding onto something that you want far away? Are you saying you want it but not near you or what? Maybe re-write this. It's a little confusing.
And, here I am, trying to walk awayThe second away is bothering me. It's a bit too repetitive for me.
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of I think slave to a feeling sounds better. a feeling, but sitting on a throne This is well written sol! It's exactly how you feel when your in love. Yo'll do anything for him/her but your feeling like your on cloud nine!
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?" Again this is a little confusing. Wake up is a command and then you have a question. It's a bit rushed for such a skilful work of art. )
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost againBeautiful. The words are jumping off the page.
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey" Ah hah!! We finally know that your falling for a guy. It's a good time to let us know as I was getting a little agitated at not knowing what you were on about. So thanks for dropping that little hint. Sneaakky sol!

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love



Your ending was really genius. Like after all the imagery and descriptive words you finally say ah feck it! And then you just spill it simply. It's like that with love. YOU make so many flowery and dolled up excuses but in the end the answer is clear and plain.

Tis must of taken a lot of your time sol! It's really really good and I must say there is another like coming your way! I loved reading this.

Like like like! I wish there was a love button.
XD
KAKA XO

I really liked it. It had depth and meaning and i think you did a really great job. At first at though that this poem would have a rythm sceame but it didn't and i thought you did a wonderful job anyway. Keep writing.

Nothing bad to say. Short and sweet. And very cute! It's one of the ones that make you go "awww, how adorable". Good job

Absatootly incredible!

Sol!

Even if I could tear it apart, I wouldn't.

This was truly a beautiful piece.

Congrats on being featured!

Tanya

D'aww... Thanks. Lol.

I can't imagine why someone would want to tear it....its such a sweet poem....just brilliant..... Good Job..!!

Thanks everyone. <3

I think this is great - the only complaint I have to make (and I know, others have already made it) is the "way lost again" - I like "lost again," but I'm not feeling "way" at all. If you just say "I'm lost again" or whatever, it's enough - you don't need to add "way" - I think we just kind of assume that, you know?

Otherwise this was great.

~Blue

I think this is great - the only complaint I have to make (and I know, others have already made it) is the "way lost again" - I like "lost again," but I'm not feeling "way" at all. If you just say "I'm lost again" or whatever, it's enough - you don't need to add "way" - I think we just kind of assume that, you know?

Otherwise this was great.

~Blue

You've probably heard all these critiques before from the comments, but hey, I'll contribute a little...

Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far away <-- I don't like the fact that you say "away" here, and then in the next line. It doesn't flow well.
And, here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne <-- Slightly confused, but nonetheless it goes in the whole scheme of things.
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts <-- The three lined stanza kind of threw me through a loop...It's very randomly placed.

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again <-- Get rid of "way", it makes this one line sound more kiddish.
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love <-- Love the last stanza here, but again it's three lined and also out of place here being only three lines.

This is such an adorable poem! I like the repetition of "silly me" in each stanza. At first I thought it would rhyme, but it didn't, which threw me off once, but it turned out okay.

Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far away
And, here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne I love this verse, good irony
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake Happens to many people haha!
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey" Now i am starting to get to know what the poem is actually about here.

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

I do actually love this poem. It's beautifully simple and I haven't read a book of this subject before so you did well in writing it. Now, on to the nit-picks.

Silly me, I'm back here again
Holding on to something that I want far away
And, here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But, I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "Hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

Hi, Sol! Yay! You've posted another poem! xD

Nitpicks:

Silly me, I'm back here, again

And here I am, trying to walk away

I know. But I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

[quote][/quote]Silly me, I'm back here, again
Holding on to something that I want far away
And here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a thronecan you please explain this part because i have an idea of what it is just not too sure
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awakelove this line shows the reality vs dreams
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"suppose to show that you are frustrated here? i like it
I know. But I still hide behind my mind and thoughtstruthfull as you are not afraid to show weakness

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again"Way" makes it sound like slang
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love

great poem:) like how you sort of took yourself out of your body and examined yourself and broke it down:)

This is so adorable I love it!

Hey. Here, a poem. xD Hope you like it, but tear it apart if you want.

Silly me, I'm back here, again
Holding on to something that I want far awayVery intense.
And here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awakeI love this relation to fantasies.
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious betsNice figurative language!

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?"
I know. But I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again
I stick to my alibis and end up in shameDon't we all?
Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in loveI love this part!

You did a pretty good job with this. When I first started reading I was expecting there to be a rhyme scheme and was caught a bit off guard when there wasn't, but that didn't really take away from the flow of the poem.

Overall, I think I like the first half (first two stanzas) better than the second. You use better descriptions and it appears to be more meaningful and put together compared to the second half. The only thing in the first half that I'd change is in the last line of the second stanza: "making obvious bets" confused me a bit, because I wasn't quite sure what you were talking about. I'd suggest making the line a bit more clear.

Now, the second half/ending didn't impress me quite as much. While I understand the concept, it seems as if the content isn't nearly as sophisticated as in the first two stanzas. You lose the structure you maintained in the first half, and that sort of broke the poem apart for me. I would suggest polishing it up a bit to match the style of the first two stanzas, and that will help bring your poem back together. Also, you may want to add some punctuation to your piece.

Other than that, I really like the idea behind this piece, and the battle between denial and acceptance. This is a great poem, keep it up!

AWW this was sooo cute!! haaha i loved this! it was great. out of five, i give it a four! keep writing. however, these are my suggestions but it's pretty flawless(:

Silly me, I'm back here, again cute.
Holding on to something that I want far away
And here I am, trying to walk away
Mending my own thoughts and lying to myself

Silly me, just look what I've become
Slave of a feeling, but sitting on a throne some confusion here...
Powerful while dreaming, fool when I'm awake
Meanwhile life mocks me and makes obvious bets

Silly me, stopping what has grown
"Wake up! What do you want?" good questions.
I know.
But I still hide behind my mind and thoughts

Silly me, like a little girl
Exploring the world, I'm way lost again maybe "I'm lost again" with the way, it seems strange?
I stick to my alibis and end up in shame
Because they become null when the boy says, "hey"

Silly me, tangling up some words
Just to accept it
I'm falling in love my favorite part<3