Break Me

Hello GeeLyria! {Welcome to YWS!} Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

My interpretation:

Overall:

This review courtesy of

Hi there Gee. I spotted this in the Green Room, so why not drop in for a review, yes? With that being said, let’s begin.

Let’s address my favorite and least favorite aspects of the piece first. I enjoyed the atmosphere built up with the use of strong word choice throughout the poem and there’s a lot to love with that. The tone constructed throughout seems deliberately and intentionally flowery--I liked that. There’s an ache throughout that works well with the overall message that you’re attempting to display--nice job on that.

On the other end of the spectrum, I can see that ache being stronger with more vivid imagery like what’s displayed in the very first stanza, but we’ll talk more about that later. There’s a lot of experimentation with the punctuation used and there are… a lot… of ellipses… that come off as meandering and… overused in a way. I’m not saying that this isn’t an interesting decision to make but what I am saying is… I’m not sure that’s the right one or the one that makes this as strong as can be. I counted and there are nine uses of ellipses across the span of 18 lines--that’s every other line! Due to that I’m suggesting to cut down on the overall usage though that doesn’t mean getting rid of them entirely.

Back to the part about there being more vivid imagery--there’s a lot of strong vocabulary throughout that I’ve already stated that I enjoy but that doesn’t directly translate into strong imagery. Appealing to the five senses and creating imagery by using that vocabulary of yours are two tips I have to offer but as of now, the poem works well enough. I enjoy what this piece does and how the message ends up being handled because for the most part this is cohesive and each stanza segways into the next with ease, especially the fourth into the final stanza. The third stanza as an individual thought is another part to be admired and while the flow can be better-executed, the imagery and ideas in this are solid.

If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Hi, GeeGee,

great work as always. <3 Sorry this isn't a review but I don't know how to review poetry especially skillful poets. You have all my support as your biggest fan/best friend though. <3

Hey, all here for a review!!

I haven't written a review in soooo long, so bear with me and let's get to it.

First thing that stood out to me was your formatting; especially with the squiggles for lines and the unnecessary authors note starting it off. For me I don't like the squiggly lines at all; well, I will admit I did that when I first started off using yws, but I did learn that if you spaces when you enter that might help with the overall aesthetic. Also, for me, the authors note at the beginning kinda is not needed there and you could put it in the poem blurb or even at the end, it just like kind of lowered my expectations for this poem (kinda hypocritical because that's exactly what I did at the beginning of this review oops).

The second thing i wanted to talk about was your "..."'s EVERYWHERE. Yes, they are for dramatics and emphasis but i don't think they work in your situation. You could play around with formatting, especially in google docs or word documents and see how maybe dramatic spaces and dashes or back slashes might work better.

I also wanted to touch on the message slash overall theme slash details of this poem. Let's talk about the first stanza first

Break my heart today

And it would blend in with the compost...

Tear its petals down

and I will make them fickle... pixie dust.