Wayfarer

GEELYRIAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! HIIII!!!! It's Dogs by the way if you couldn't read my name lol. Anyways back again for some reviews on your amazing poetry. I think this piece, as usual, is just wonderful. I really love the vocab you use, certainly not repetitive and you managed to use great out of the ordinary words that really make this seemingly simple poem into a well designed piece of writing. Although I would like to see a bit more of a story told in this. You do use your short, smooth, sweet, and simple writing rather well. But I'd still love to see a little more arch and description to this. Just a tad. Other then that I think everything has been covered and I think this is a great piece of work. Hope to read more soon. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Hey Prettyface!

This is a nice short poem, and I think you meant a poem rather than a set of lyrics! Which isn't to say these wouldn't work as lyrics, they probably would.

Firstly, *thick, and I like how rugged these first two lines are, they perfectly slip in the feeling of long walking through a nice forest, the kind of long hard walk down tarmac and the nothing waiting on the other end of the walk.

I don't really like the God's eyes line if only because I feel like it doesn't fit so well with what you're saying here. I dig why it's in there and I could almost agree with it? But these two lines are the weakest here and I feel like you could do better. Perhaps it's "variety" that gets me. I feel like "My roads have always been varied" might work better? there's something in the phrasing of "have had" which is always a little gross for me, I don't feel it as well as I do the other way. That's obviously up to you! As always, only take what you think is useful, don't be star struck by my good looks and hypothetical skill.

The next two lines set me up pretty well, I love the home is where I can sing because it's lovely and it’s a new way for me to look at the idea of the wayfarer/traveller. I’m not sure I dig the mist or over the seas because it’s like “rain, hail or shine” except dust and mist work, but the over the seas is a different concept. I might be over thinking that by a lot though!

These last two lines are so perfect, I love them. They’re beautiful and succinct and they are just the best of the poem.

All up you have a good poem here, it's strong and it doesn't muck about at all, you say what you want to say and you get out without any worries at all. I think that lines three and four need a serious look because they’re really weak in combination with the other lines. Will all of your proposed characters believe in God? Cause if they have different beliefs, then this section might throw them off a bit. Or it will make them think about their own faith, I suppose. Seems a little tenuous to play with.

As always, hit me up with any questions, queries or just to chat. I thank you for the read, it was lovely.

~Pen

Hey Gee! I'm gonna give you a quick line by line review. This poem is really awesome, so this review will probably be pretty short.

The first line is good, but do you mean 'thick trefoil seeds'?

I like this line too! But, when I envisioned this poem, I pictured a dirt track. Another note, you might be able to find a better verb than 'bathed'. I like bathed, but there could be something more descriptive.

This line was the only one I really had much of a problem with. I think if you used 'path' in place of 'roads' it would sound a little better. That's just me.

I really enjoyed the next three lines, there's not much I would change to them. Great job!

The last two lines are beautiful. It really sums up the poem well. Nice job!

Anyway Gee, I'm not the best at reviewing poetry. I hope my review helps, if you have anymore questions, feel free to PM me. Keep up the awesome work!

I think making this rhyme could definitely add to the tone you are going for. The next step here is to write more because write now the reader is only given a minor snapshot of what you are trying to portray in this song.

Crying because beautiful.

It's a little short to warrant a long review, but I will say that I did like the verse, and can definitely imagine it with music!