Note: Dandelion is a metaphor of some dreams or ilusions we have.
Oh. And, I made a cover, it's down there, on the link. Let me know what you think of it too. xD
http://i1079.photobucket.com/albums/w502/GeeLyria/TheDandelionsofLife.jpg
I watched it fly in spirals with the wind,
like a wayfaring star through the mist.
The last train the noon brought was gone,
and my eyes followed the seed until it hit the floor.
I watched it bloom in front of my feet,
between itchy grass on a tares field.
I was its shade when the sun was targeting straight,
and its company when the dawn was running late.
The stem emerged from the dirt;
my dandelion grew neat and straight.
My watered pupils narrowed with a smile,
and my knees knelt as the sun rays touched the ground.
My fingertips clasped to pick it up,
and cleaved the green stem in half.I
admired my white flower as I stood up,
but felt the blustering wind approaching, like a ghost.
And I witnessed; it was torn apart,
like an epidemic hunting the crowd.
But the seeds crowned me,
through the railroads of the air,
as they made room over my hair.
With those, I grew more dreams...
and spread them all over my land.
My allusions of delusions were boons;
and sometimes, I blow them away,
in the dusk of the night.
Quite good.
Oh-so grand in the most simplistic manner! The similies and metaphors are extrordinary! Espescially at the line, "My allusions of delusions were boons..."
Exquisite in my mind, to picture all that is happening.
All so perfect in grammatical and spelling. I have a difficult time finding a work so grand as this.
Keep writing! I'm loving this.
-jimdandy
Geez! THANK YOU, Jimdy!!!
Great description in this poem. The beautifully orchestrated details brought together the whole poem.
It's kind of funny, but I didn't know what "tares" was so I had to look it up on dictionary.com after asking my mom. (She didn't know what it meant either) Sure enough there it was on my bff Dictionary.com:
tare
1
noun
1.
any of various vetches, especially Vicia sativa.
2.
the seed of a vetch.
3.
Bible . a noxious weed, probably the darnel.
I applaud you on your expansive vocabulary, which is probably the reason why I have always had difficulty writing poetry. Great job on the poem and thank you for teaching me a knew word.
#2:
Review:
The poem was well written and was full of many descriptive adjectives. I enjoyed how you had the seeds of the dandelion be blown around and be able to start new dreams. I loved all the descriptions you used, and they helped paint the picture in my mind, which is what I said I'd look for when I joined. I absolutely love the rhythm, and reading verse five was truly emotional and moving.
Keep Writing!
~HetaliaSpain
Thank you. :]
Great job. I really enjoyed reading it. It was full of life and emotion. Keep writing!
~HetaliaSpain XD
Solvvyy! Here to review just like you asked me too. ^o^
Actually, this story doesn't really need to be corrected nor edited. It was simply beautiful and it felt really natural. I like the way you place "dandelions" in some places, there were just perfect. <3' All your poems are fascinating to read and that isn't just something. You really got writing at your own finger tips and I appreciate that! ;D
I say, KEEP WRITING!
--
Cookie. xD
I really like the way you went about discribing this. The rhythm was consistant until verse five, which was where the dream fell apart, which was beautiful in itself. As a whole, I very much enjoyed it, and I congradulate you on a job well done. Truly, a wonderful way to describe a dream~
Yours psychotically,
- thelocalmaniac
Thank you<3
A really pretty poem and beautifully written. <3 You really have talent. I gotta go now but I'll talk about this more when I see you later =) *snugs*
I love it!
This is pretty dang swell, I must say. It's simple but elegant, and that's what makes it work - it feels natural and pure. There's a reason that this is featured but lacks any comments, and that's because there's really nothing to say. It's a beautiful poem.
Keep writing!
Oh, my Gwad! Thank you!
~~<3