Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)
Approaching the penultimate chapter that I'm going to review for today.
First Impression: Oooh!! We finally get to the letter. And this gem is even more important. Interesting. And yes!! His parents were actually involved in trying to overthrow the king.
Anyway let's get on with it,
Both Ryan and Richard stared each other down, slowly standing up, Richard snatched the Jewel out of Ryan’s hands a light spark of yellow flashing across its surface. “It doesn’t matter. It’s no good anyway.” Quickly he placed the Jewel in his back pouch sealing it closed.
Continuing my earlier thought why did he keep the jewel in plain sight? He could have easily just stowed it in the pouch and from what I can see the jewel wasn't really necessary to the search about it.
Seeing there was no point in hiding the truth any longer Richard sighed, “It’s a nuclear weapon.” he began, “I didn’t know what it was when I got it, it was only a few hours ago when Rachel and I found out what it was capable of doing,” H
Okay that seems like a bit of an exaggeration there. All it did was partially blow up one room.
Sighing Ryan sat back in his seat, his gaze going to the ceiling. "There isn't any way for me to explain it. Other than its a secret portal into another world of some sort. There have only been a few in history, and they are incredibly rare to come across." Resting his elbows on the table Ryan placed his chin on his crossed hands. "Richard, how did you come upon this Jewel?"
And now the plot thickens.
"And you didn't return it?" a gray eyebrow twitched as Ryan listened, his green gaze always on Richard.
Good Question.
Confused Richard waved his hands in front of him, his forehead creased. “Wait what, what does the letter have to do with any of this?”
Well he took his time to get to the letter.
Running a hand through his blonde locks Richard reached for the drawer handle the metal cold to the touch, his heart pounding in his chest as Richard slowly pulled it open, inside his eyes landed on the delicately wrapped scroll. Was he ready to read what was inside? The truth about his parents, and his brother. The reason they went on the mission? So many questions flooded his mind as he picked up the paper and began to untie the smooth red string.
Slowly he edges the scroll open, the old paper crackling under his fingertips. Carefully written words met his cobalt eyes as he began to read, not sure what to expect as deep down he feared the worst.
Some nice description here. Now one thing I've noticed is that you reference his eye color quite a few times. I think you should tone down on that.
We think he wishes to be rid of the rest of the outside kingdoms, so he alone holds the power over everything. But first, he must form an army, and the tools that are needed, so he's taking young children from their family and training them at a young age. There must be much more to his plan, and why he wants to remove any threat to he’s rain, but we couldn’t find anything other than these few clues. It’s up to you and you’re brother now to stop the king, Richard. Only you can stop his plan.
That looks like it is going to be a very promising plot.
There is a Gem with a strange power we’re not sure what it is, but we have a feeling the King is after it, you must find it before he does otherwise…who knows what will happen to the kingdom, another thing about this Gem is that it has multipole ability’s, I don’t know them, but if you can find it, it just might put an end to the war that is at hand.
Is that multiple or is it multipole?
If you go down to Vinnara Coast you can head to the place your father and I used to take you and your brother all you have to do from there is head to the woods that outline the beach.
Once you’re in the woods, you’ll head north, and if you keep heading in that direction you’ll cross a stream and head into a riven a little way south from the river if you go street through the riven you’ll come across a cave opening in the rocks a few meters from the opening.
That's a great set of instructions there.
You and your brother must put a stop to King Gregory's organization, otherwise, all will be lost.
I wish I could have told you this face to face, but, life tends to change your plans.
I wish you the best of luck Richard, your mother, Amanda.
Well those are some ominous parting words.
And that's it for this chapter.
Overall: It's a great chapter to set up what seems to be a plot of epic proportions to come. The letter was written very well and the plot as a whole has been great so far.
As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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