z

Young Writers Society


12+

Conquest of Shadows Chapter 10

by FlamingPhoenix


Everything was still as Ryan’s grip on the Gem tightened, a vein in his forehead beginning to throb. “Richard, where did you get this?” His icy green gaze never left the boy.

Both Ryan and Richard stared each other down, slowly standing up, Richard snatched the Jewel out of Ryan’s hands a light spark of yellow flashing across its surface. “It doesn’t matter. It’s no good anyway.” Quickly he placed the Jewel in his back pouch sealing it closed.

“No good?” Ryan asked, an eyebrow raised. “Richard, do you even understand what that thing is capable of doing?” He folded his arms over his chest awaiting Richard's response.

Seeing there was no point in hiding the truth any longer Richard sighed, “It’s a nuclear weapon.” he began, “I didn’t know what it was when I got it, it was only a few hours ago when Rachel and I found out what it was capable of doing,” His eyes narrow as he spoke.

“I see you haven’t read your parent's letter yet,” Ryan said calmly, the anger from before slowly fading away. “Richard that Jewel is one in a million, and it’s not just a weapon.”

Looking up with an expression full of confusion Richard asked. “What do you mean? What more could it be?”

Sighing Ryan sat back in his seat, his gaze going to the ceiling. "There isn't any way for me to explain it. Other than its a secret portal into another world of some sort. There have only been a few in history, and they are incredibly rare to come across." Resting his elbows on the table Ryan placed his chin on his crossed hands. "Richard, how did you come upon this Jewel?"

Richard knew this question was going to come up at some point, he just didn't know how he was going to respond. "It was the other day..." he began feeling cold shivers run over his body. “To cut the story short, I was down in the village, and there was a robbery at least that's what I know. So I chased the man down resulting in his death and the retrieval of the Gem."

"And you didn't return it?" a gray eyebrow twitched as Ryan listened, his green gaze always on Richard.

Richard shook his head. "I would have trust me...But there was something the man said before he died that changed my mind."

"Oh? Really?" Ryan drawled, unamused.

Continuing Richard closed the book he was reading. "He mentioned something about the king wanting the Jewel and that was why it was taken. To me, it seems like the king has men working under him in hiding gathering the pieces he needs for whatever plan he has in mind."

Standing Ryan began to pace muttering words under his breath before facing Richard enraged. "And you didn't keep him for questioning? Richard, he could have been a key piece to finding out the king's plan! You must know these things!"

Taken aback by the outburst Richard balled his hands into fists, gritting his teeth trying to keep his anger inside. “He was a harder opponent than you would think!” He tried to say calmly

“Oh yes, I’m sure.” Ryan hissed. Letting out an aged sigh he placed his hand on his forehead. “I was hoping you would have read the letter by now.”

Confused Richard waved his hands in front of him, his forehead creased. “Wait what, what does the letter have to do with any of this?”

“I’ll tell you once you read it, otherwise you won’t understand.” With that Ryan stood and walked out the room, the cold air chilled against Richard’s skin.

Not sure what to think Richard sat there staring at the door. What did the letter have to do with anything? Standing up from the table Richard gathered up all the books Mikel had given him and headed for his room.

The warm torchlight danced along the cold stone walls as Richard shadow passed, walking into his room Richard heads for the desk he had near the window. Letting out a low sigh Richard placed the bag of books on the surface leaving them there as he headed for his bed.

His mind racing he sat on the edge of the bed, the frame squeaking under his weight. Staring at the wooden chests drawers Richard couldn't help but go back to what Ryan had said. How did he know about the jewel, was there more out there? How would his parent's letter help with anything?

Running a hand through his blonde locks Richard reached for the drawer handle the metal cold to the touch, his heart pounding in his chest as Richard slowly pulled it open, inside his eyes landed on the delicately wrapped scroll. Was he ready to read what was inside? The truth about his parents, and his brother. The reason they went on the mission? So many questions flooded his mind as he picked up the paper and began to untie the smooth red string.

Slowly he edges the scroll open, the old paper crackling under his fingertips. Carefully written words met his cobalt eyes as he began to read, not sure what to expect as deep down he feared the worst.

Dear Richard,

If you’re reading this... Well, it means your father and I are no longer with you and your brother. You must be 19 by now, ha how time flies. So I guess it’s time to tell you the truth. Your father and I knew the mission we were going on would most likely take our lives or force us into deep cover…I do hope it’s the latter.

Because you and you’re brother where so young at the time, we couldn’t tell you about our mission, and what we were doing, and what it could mean for you two no matter how much it pained us, we knew it was best to keep it hidden.

But now that you’re old enough, I think it’s time I explained so that you can carry out the mission your father and I failed to.

King Gregory is a smart man, and he knows what he's doing. From our years of watching him, we think we might know his plan.

We think he wishes to be rid of the rest of the outside kingdoms, so he alone holds the power over everything. But first, he must form an army, and the tools that are needed, so he's taking young children from their family and training them at a young age. There must be much more to his plan, and why he wants to remove any threat to he’s rain, but we couldn’t find anything other than these few clues. It’s up to you and you’re brother now to stop the king, Richard. Only you can stop his plan.

Now I have a few other things to tell you that will help, something you’re father and I never managed.

There is a Gem with a strange power we’re not sure what it is, but we have a feeling the King is after it, you must find it before he does otherwise…who knows what will happen to the kingdom, another thing about this Gem is that it has multipole ability’s, I don’t know them, but if you can find it, it just might put an end to the war that is at hand.

There is another thing you must know, as I am sure you’re living with your Uncle, Ryan, so that must mean you’re in the mountains. Now listen closely Richard, your father and I had a hideout down by the coast, it’s secluded and hidden away, but if you follow my instructions I’m sure you will find it.

If you go down to Vinnara Coast you can head to the place your father and I used to take you and your brother all you have to do from there is head to the woods that outline the beach.

Once you’re in the woods, you’ll head north, and if you keep heading in that direction you’ll cross a stream and head into a riven a little way south from the river if you go street through the riven you’ll come across a cave opening in the rocks a few meters from the opening.

Inside is the notes, equipment, and clothing your father and I used on the missions, it might be useful to you.

Oh, Richard, there’s so much more I wish I could tell you, but there is only so much I can say to help, just know your father and I love you and always have, and we believe you will be the one to stop the king and bring peace to this kingdom it’s only a matter of time before he attacks and puts it into play.

You and your brother must put a stop to King Gregory's organization, otherwise, all will be lost.

I wish I could have told you this face to face, but, life tends to change your plans.

I wish you the best of luck Richard, your mother, Amanda.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
4102 Reviews


Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102

Donate
Thu Jun 25, 2020 7:30 pm
View Likes
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)

Approaching the penultimate chapter that I'm going to review for today.

First Impression: Oooh!! We finally get to the letter. And this gem is even more important. Interesting. And yes!! His parents were actually involved in trying to overthrow the king.

Anyway let's get on with it,

Both Ryan and Richard stared each other down, slowly standing up, Richard snatched the Jewel out of Ryan’s hands a light spark of yellow flashing across its surface. “It doesn’t matter. It’s no good anyway.” Quickly he placed the Jewel in his back pouch sealing it closed.


Continuing my earlier thought why did he keep the jewel in plain sight? He could have easily just stowed it in the pouch and from what I can see the jewel wasn't really necessary to the search about it.

Seeing there was no point in hiding the truth any longer Richard sighed, “It’s a nuclear weapon.” he began, “I didn’t know what it was when I got it, it was only a few hours ago when Rachel and I found out what it was capable of doing,” H


Okay that seems like a bit of an exaggeration there. All it did was partially blow up one room.

Sighing Ryan sat back in his seat, his gaze going to the ceiling. "There isn't any way for me to explain it. Other than its a secret portal into another world of some sort. There have only been a few in history, and they are incredibly rare to come across." Resting his elbows on the table Ryan placed his chin on his crossed hands. "Richard, how did you come upon this Jewel?"


And now the plot thickens.

"And you didn't return it?" a gray eyebrow twitched as Ryan listened, his green gaze always on Richard.


Good Question.

Confused Richard waved his hands in front of him, his forehead creased. “Wait what, what does the letter have to do with any of this?”


Well he took his time to get to the letter.

Running a hand through his blonde locks Richard reached for the drawer handle the metal cold to the touch, his heart pounding in his chest as Richard slowly pulled it open, inside his eyes landed on the delicately wrapped scroll. Was he ready to read what was inside? The truth about his parents, and his brother. The reason they went on the mission? So many questions flooded his mind as he picked up the paper and began to untie the smooth red string.

Slowly he edges the scroll open, the old paper crackling under his fingertips. Carefully written words met his cobalt eyes as he began to read, not sure what to expect as deep down he feared the worst.


Some nice description here. Now one thing I've noticed is that you reference his eye color quite a few times. I think you should tone down on that.

We think he wishes to be rid of the rest of the outside kingdoms, so he alone holds the power over everything. But first, he must form an army, and the tools that are needed, so he's taking young children from their family and training them at a young age. There must be much more to his plan, and why he wants to remove any threat to he’s rain, but we couldn’t find anything other than these few clues. It’s up to you and you’re brother now to stop the king, Richard. Only you can stop his plan.


That looks like it is going to be a very promising plot.

There is a Gem with a strange power we’re not sure what it is, but we have a feeling the King is after it, you must find it before he does otherwise…who knows what will happen to the kingdom, another thing about this Gem is that it has multipole ability’s, I don’t know them, but if you can find it, it just might put an end to the war that is at hand.


Is that multiple or is it multipole?

If you go down to Vinnara Coast you can head to the place your father and I used to take you and your brother all you have to do from there is head to the woods that outline the beach.

Once you’re in the woods, you’ll head north, and if you keep heading in that direction you’ll cross a stream and head into a riven a little way south from the river if you go street through the riven you’ll come across a cave opening in the rocks a few meters from the opening.


That's a great set of instructions there.

You and your brother must put a stop to King Gregory's organization, otherwise, all will be lost.

I wish I could have told you this face to face, but, life tends to change your plans.

I wish you the best of luck Richard, your mother, Amanda.


Well those are some ominous parting words.

And that's it for this chapter.

Overall: It's a great chapter to set up what seems to be a plot of epic proportions to come. The letter was written very well and the plot as a whole has been great so far.

As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Few I'm glad to hear the plot is okay, I was worried I was adding to much to quickly.
Oh and I meant to say multiple, sorry about that.
Yes I too have seen I say Richard's eye color a lot and I'm trying to stop that.
Thank you for yet again another helpful and exciting review!



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!!!
And the plots progressing pretty good. Pacing is working out.





Cool I'll keep it up then!



KateHardy says...


Great!! :D






User avatar
453 Reviews


Points: 825
Reviews: 453

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:36 pm
Lib wrote a review...



Hey there, Flames!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight. I'm back to review the next chapter! Super excited to see what happens next so let's get started without further ado!

Ah, I like that you repeated the first bit so that we know what happened last chapter. <3 I'm sorta getting suspicious about Ryan - maybe he's a villain? Maybe he wants the Gem to himself? Oh, by the way, I noticed that at some places you called the Gem the Jewel and sometimes Gem. Probably stick to one title?

“I see you haven’t read your parent's letter yet,”

OMG omg he didn't!! He didn't!! I just remembered the letter! Please please please read it, Richard!

I'm loving the descriptions of Richard's surroundings as he walks to his room. It makes me feel like I'm right behind him, invisible, watching where his next step is going to take him. Brava!

Slowly he edges the scroll open, the old paper crackling under his fingertips.

Hm, edges doesn't fit here... Also, it's present tense. You might want to change it to past tense. Maybe it would fit better? Maybe try a different word.

I bet the letter has some connection to the Gem! 8)

Because you and you’re brother where so young at the time,

*were (there were a couple of other places where you misspelled words but after a bit of looking-over, I'm sure you'll get it!)

But first, he must form an army, and the tools that are needed, so he's taking young children from their family and training them at a young age.

This sentence felt like it was missing a word. Maybe add collect in front of the? So then it'll be and collect the tools.

I wish you the best of luck Richard, your mother, Amanda.

Spoiler! :
AMANDA???
Image


That's it for my review! I hope this helped in some sort of way. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever.

And as always...

Keep on writing and Happy Review Day!

~Liberty

Image






Thanks again for the review Lib!

Lol I know you would react that way with the name Amanda. XD



Lib says...


It was my pleasure! :P






User avatar
386 Reviews


Points: 27684
Reviews: 386

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:12 am
View Likes
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hey @FlamingPhoenix I'm here to do a review, and I no you hate me dropping in at the middle but hay reading it and liking it counts, you no that I no the story so what ever I'm reviewing this chapter to get it out the green room so be happy. so lets get write into it shell we,

Everything was still as Ryan’s grip on the Gem tightened, a vein in his forehead beginning to throb. “Richard, where did you get this?” His icy green gaze never left the boy.


Ah wow I just read all this and start cringing with fear, your description is so good, and wow Ryan is serias in a good way, also that is the one word I don't no how to spell so sorry, but any way this was a great way to start the chapter and get me going, and I really want to here more,

Both Ryan and Richard stared each other down, slowly standing up, Richard snatched the Jewel out of Ryan’s hands a light spark of yellow flashing across its surface. “It doesn’t matter. It’s no good anyway.” Quickly he placed the Jewel in his back pouch sealing it closed.


I read this and my first reaction to what Richard said was just like, oh you big lair, if it did not matter then why you snatch it back so fast, also you really think that Ryan that dump, from Ryan looking after him for so long I'm pretty sure that he can almost see right though Richard.

“No good?” Ryan asked, an eyebrow raised. “Richard, do you even understand what that thing is capable of doing?” He folded his arms over his chest awaiting Richard's response.


When I read Ryan's reply I was like, Oh poop he noes what it can do quickly Richard run hide, I was just thinking that like your in so much trouble dude.

“I see you haven’t read your parent's letter yet,” Ryan said calmly, the anger from before slowly fading away. “Richard that Jewel is one in a million, and it’s not just a weapon.”


Okay now I'm just like, Ryan! what in the world does a stooped letter have to do with this, other then the fact that I really actually want to no what the letter seas. but like how does Ryan even no what the heck the jewel is!

Sighing Ryan sat back in his seat, his gaze going to the ceiling. "There isn't any way for me to explain it. Other than its a secret portal into another world of some sort. There have only been a few in history, and they are incredibly rare to come across." Resting his elbows on the table Ryan placed his chin on his crossed hands. "Richard, how did you come upon this Jewel?"


Okay so now you got me really interested, like a portal, that sounds really cool *reads more quickly* I want to no what sort of portal! I would think it was rare I mean gosh what the king want to do with this, is he plaining on killing EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! *gets worried* whats going on and has Ryan come in contact with one of these jewels before just like way back in the past? because that mite explain why he noes so much about it.

"And you didn't return it?" a gray eyebrow twitched as Ryan listened, his green gaze always on Richard.


Okay I had some stooped thought when I read this like, well I kind of sore the jewel and became real fixed on how wonderful it look so yeah dude wide I want to return this.

"Oh? Really?" Ryan drawled, unamused.


Well I'm amused at this all. also I'm not really sure that drawling is what Ryan would have been doing. but anyways this is great.

I wish you the best of luck Richard, your mother, Amanda.


ends reading letter and chapter, ouch that's a lot to slash and splash onto Richard don't ya think I mean wow that was a lot to take in and how he gonna react you can't just stop the chapter there evil.

So this is all that I can say about this wonderful chapter, So keep writing I really liked reading this, if you did not like this review or anything sorry I no that reading this takes up a lot of your time. but I'll see what you say about it soon I'm sure.

I hope you have a great Day

@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews






Thanks for the Review Doss. I love having you review my works, I would like you to do it more often! :D



Dossereana says...


I will start reviewing more of your stuff then.





Good! :D




Some people file their [tax] returns inside of a dead fish.
— John Oliver