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Conquest of Shadows Chapter 5

by FlamingPhoenix


Richard looked out on the dancing people of the village, their laughter reminding him of his parents, but also putting an unsettling feeling upon him.

Rachel sighed next to him. “Yeah, but our lives are what they are, and we can’t change them.” Her ocean-blue eyes looked down at her feet, “No matter how painful it is.”

“I know,” Richard said plainly his blue eyes looking out into the dancing fire, that seems to move and flicker with the sound of the music. The figures of dancing people surrounding it, as they clap and moved to the gentle melody.

Letting out a low sigh Rachel put a hand on Richard’s back, “Look if you ever need me you know where to find me,” With that, she turned away from him and began to walk away.

“Wait!” Richard called out his eyes turning soft. He turned to look at her, his hands in his pants pockets.

Her back still turned to him, Rachel moved her head so she was looking at him over her shoulder. “Yeah?” She asked her eyes never moving from his.

“Promises me, whatever happens, I will never lose you like my parents.” Richard quietly said, his voice just above a whisper. As his body stiffened.

Letting out a small laugh Rachel nodded as she walked over to him, her steps light on the gravel ground. She cupped his face with her gloved hands and nodded. “Of course you won’t, you idiot. I’m here to stay I promise.” Wrapping her arms around him she put her head on his shoulder. “After all who will look after you, you can’t be out here getting into trouble by yourself.” She leaned back the smile she had, in her sapphire eyes.

Richard hugged her back, the sorrow that was beginning to overwhelm him washed away with her words. “Thank you.” He managed to get out, planting a small kiss on her forehead.

Rachel playfully pushed him away with one of her fingers. “Don’t mention it.” With that, she turned away from him and began to run off yelling “See ya.” Over her shoulder as she waved.

Left standing their Richard waved as he watched her leave, he knew he was going to have to go back home soon, but he couldn’t pair to go back to his cold, darkroom. The thought of it sent shivers up his spine.

With a heavy sigh Richard removed the black mask form around his face letting it fall around his neck, he then pulled back his hood, allowing his blond hair to wave in the now cool breeze that whistled past his face.

With slow steps, he walked out of the dark ally and out into the warmth of the firelight. No one took any notes of him as he took a seat on one of the logs that surrounded the fire.

The woman and the men parted as the next song began to play, Richard watched as the woman began to sway to the slow melody, and the men clapped along with the music, moving their feet along the ground so they went in a circle around the dancing woman.

Richard couldn’t help but smile at a kid who has made themselves at home on their father's feet as they danced, the look on the little girl's face was pure glee.

He suddenly felt a hard pat on his back sending him forwards, managing to stop himself from falling into the dirt Richard spun around to face a grinning teen, his smile stretching across his face.

“Hey!” He said, lifting a hand and waving, his brown eyes warm as he began to introduce himself. “I’m Mikel!” He reached out a hand towards Richard.

Not sure what to do Richard tock the other boy's hand and shook it. “Richard.” He said plainly, who was this guy, why in the world did he come up to him, it’s not like they knew each other.

“I couldn’t help but see you were sitting here by yourself, and I thought I would come and join you.” Mikel began to explain seeing the look Richard was giving him.

“So almost knocking me into the dirt is your way of saying hi?” asked an irritated Richard, as he began to dust his hands off.

Mikel let out a small chuckle his right hand scratching behind his head as he began to look way from Richard. “No, no, that was a mistake. I really didn’t mean to.”

Richard just snorted as he sat down on the log again, feeling Mikel doing the same. They both sat there in silence, watching the people dance.

“So….” Mikel began, as he twiddled his thumbs. “There are girls over there if you want to dance? Their waiting for a dance partner.” He pointed at some girls looking at Richard.

Looking up Richard followed where he was pointing. The girls softly giggled and turned to snicker among themselves. “I don’t dance,” Richard said, his eyes now moving to watch the burning fire.

“Oh…How come?” Mikel asked leaning in to stare at Richard. “Oh is it because the girls always step on your toes.” He stood up, “Yeah I get that a lot.” He said is a matter of fact voice, rubbing his chin, trying to make himself look brainy.

“No it’s not that, I just don’t dance,” Richard said rolling his eyes. Maybe he should have just headed home, then he wouldn’t be stuck in this predicament.


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Thu Jun 25, 2020 2:50 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Approaching halfway point.

First Impression: That was a really nice scene. Shows the relationship between teh characters really well. And wet more of Richards personality which is great.

And getting to it,

“I know,” Richard said plainly his blue eyes looking out into the dancing fire, that seems to move and flicker with the sound of the music. The figures of dancing people surrounding it, as they clap and moved to the gentle melody.


That should be seemed and also that second sentence just doesn't seem connected to the previous one. I think it should be rephrased to something along the lines of The figres of dancing people surrounded it, clapping and moving to the gentle melody.

“Promises me, whatever happens, I will never lose you like my parents.” Richard quietly said, his voice just above a whisper. As his body stiffened.

Letting out a small laugh Rachel nodded as she walked over to him, her steps light on the gravel ground. She cupped his face with her gloved hands and nodded. “Of course you won’t, you idiot. I’m here to stay I promise.” Wrapping her arms around him she put her head on his shoulder. “After all who will look after you, you can’t be out here getting into trouble by yourself.” She leaned back the smile she had, in her sapphire eyes.

Richard hugged her back, the sorrow that was beginning to overwhelm him washed away with her words. “Thank you.” He managed to get out, planting a small kiss on her forehead.


Aww...that's such a sweet scene. Reminds of my own best friend. Really captures their friend ship well. Also did I just say aww. My reputation in the Underworld will be ruined.

With a heavy sigh Richard removed the black mask form around his face letting it fall around his neck, he then pulled back his hood, allowing his blond hair to wave in the now cool breeze that whistled past his face.


Well that's a nice little description.

“Hey!” He said, lifting a hand and waving, his brown eyes warm as he began to introduce himself. “I’m Mikel!” He reached out a hand towards Richard.


So does this guy not realize that Richard was not invited? Or is this like a "everybody's invited" kind of party?

Not sure what to do Richard tock the other boy's hand and shook it.


That should be took.

“Oh…How come?” Mikel asked leaning in to stare at Richard. “Oh is it because the girls always step on your toes.” He stood up, “Yeah I get that a lot.” He said is a matter of fact voice, rubbing his chin, trying to make himself look brainy.


In is the word you need there.

“No it’s not that, I just don’t dance,” Richard said rolling his eyes. Maybe he should have just headed home, then he wouldn’t be stuck in this predicament.


Well that's one grumpy dude.

Okay and that's it for this chapter.

Overall: Nice bit of development on the personality. You subtle character descriptions felt a little too forced but they're not that big of a deal. And it is good to know what he looks like. Okay then. Moving on.

Once again I hope I didn't repeat anything. And as always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Another review! Dude your on fire!
Yes Richard and Rachel's friendship is rather tight, and I'm glad I could bring that across.
These reviews are helping me a ton! Thank you again!



HarryHardy says...


Your Welcome!!
And thanks!! Hopefully I get to seven before I gotta go eat.





Okay, but take it easy, I can see your getting tired. Don't over work. :D



HarryHardy says...


Aww...its fine. But your sister did just increase my workload for the day.





Yes I saw, she just read me the chapter!



HarryHardy says...


Hmm...
Well anyway guess you posted yours too now. That and probably chapter 12 and 13 will have to wait for tomorrow.





Yup I did, I finally finished it!



HarryHardy says...


Good for you!!






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Mon Jun 15, 2020 6:52 pm
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Stormblessed242 says...



I am really enjoying this story so far! This is kind of nitpicking and it's not really important, but it mentions Richard kissing Rachel on the forehead, but how did he do that if his mask is still on his face? Or am I misinterpreting where the mask is on his face? Other than that I think its great! Your writing style really grew over these chapters, and I can't wait to keep reading!






Thank you for pointing that out, when I wort that part I completely forgot he had a mask on. O_O He could have kissed her through the mask but that would be strange. XD When I rewrite I'll make sure too keep this in mind.



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Mon Feb 03, 2020 3:49 pm
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writerkitty wrote a review...



Greetings! I'm back with another review!! :D

Oooh, another new character! and his name's Mike!

This was another nice chapter, but it felt fairly shorter than the previous ones. I think it's mainly because most of the chapter is focused on the party and the interactions between Richard and the other characters. ^-^ But overall, this was a pretty good chapter and I enjoyed reading it.

Aww... Rachel really is such a sweet and caring character. And in this chapter, we got to explore a hidden personality of Richard, he seems to be all callous and uncaring, but in reality, I think he deeply cares about the people he love.

I'm really intrigued to learn more about the relationship between these two. For now, I think they are really close friends...but who knows, guess I'll just have to keep reading! :D


The other new character, Mike seems like the complete opposite of Richard... which makes their interactions quite funny. Like, how they talked about going to dance with the girls. The dialogue was really fun to read. :D

I love how you've described the party and dancing scene, it was really easy for me to picture everything that was happening there. ^-^ And it was really enjoyable to read.


I really think Richard should've joined the dance though...that boy really needs some fun in his life O.o Maybe spending some time with his new buddy Mike would make him feel less tense about everything.

Onto the nitpicks and suggestions!

There seems to be a comma splice here,

With a heavy sigh Richard removed the black mask form around his face letting it fall around his neck, he then pulled back his hood, allowing his blond hair to wave in the now cool breeze that whistled past his face.


Spoiler! :
With a heavy sigh, Richard removed the black mask form around his face letting it fall around his neck; he then pulled back his hood, allowing his blond hair to wave in the now cool breeze that whistled past his face.


He said is a matter of fact voice, rubbing his chin, trying to make himself look brainy.


I think you meant 'in' instead of 'is' here ^-^

Another comma splice,

"No it's not that , I just don't dance," Richard said rolling his eyes. Maybe he should have just headed home, then he wouldn't be stuck in this predicament.


Spoiler! :
"No it's not that ; I just don't dance," Richard said rolling his eyes. Maybe he should have just headed home, then he wouldn't be stuck in this predicament.



^-^ Your writing has improved quite a lot when compared to the first chapter, there weren't any wordy sentences you haven't gotten any tenses mixed up. The only issue I see is the incorrect use of commas sometimes, but tis just a minor error. ^-^

That's all for now!
:D :D

Keep writing!
your friend,
writerkitty






Yet again I thank you for a wonderful review. You truly are making my day.
I really do need to fix the comma thing, it' something i just need to watch out for.
I'm happy you like to knew character Mikel he was a lot of fun to write. Him and Richard together is rather funny I have to agree.

I hope you enjoy chapter 6 and it brings more questions to you, and answers some too.



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Sun Jan 26, 2020 2:25 pm
Liberty wrote a review...



Heya Flames!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight. I'm here to drop off a review for you, so let\s get right to it, now shall we? Righto.

I like the way you start off this chapter! The descriptions are nice, but I must admit that I was a bit confused as to why Rachel was saying stuff about how their lives are. Maybe Richard had asked her a question at the end of chapter 4? I'm honestly not quiet sure, so maybe if you could weave in a good way to tell your readers in the beginning of this chapter and tell us what Richard had asked/said, that would help a lot! :)

Ooh, I love Rachel's character so much! Either R + R have a relationship or, they're just... very close friends that make me giggle. xP It's adorable though. <3

Left standing their Richard waved as he watched her leave, he knew he was going to have to go back home soon, but he couldn’t pair to go back to his cold, darkroom.


Think you meant bear here!

With a heavy sigh Richard removed the black mask form around his face letting it fall around his neck,


Ope, a mistake I always made - it's supposed to be from.

No one took any notes of him as he took a seat on one of the logs that surrounded the fire.


You meant notice here if I'm not wrong. It's a very confusing word, I assure you. But then again: isn't the entire English language confusing? :P

And honestly, Flames, like I said before, your description is great! I can really get the feel of what everything is like right now. Joyous, happy, dancing, warmth from the fire, etc. It's a very comforting thing.

Not sure what to do Richard tock the other boy's hand and shook it.


Think you meant took, instead!

AH, a new person, hi! Ooh. xD If he's so obsessed with the girls why not go dance with them. And the "giggling girls", so funny, lol. Yeah, you definitely should have just gone home, Richie. ;)

Anyway! Done with my review. I hope this helped in some sort of way. Of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever.

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty






Thanks for the review Lib. I'll try and fix up the beginning of the chapter, Richard did say something at the end of the last Chapter to make Rachel say what she did, but I do get your point.
And like always thanks for picking up on all those silly mistakes I seem to just read over.
I'm glad you like Rachel, she's very funny, well is going to be.

I'll post the next chapter soon.



Liberty says...


Your welcome!






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Wed Nov 27, 2019 11:38 pm
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LadyMysterio wrote a review...



Seems I am the first person to review this.
I like the emotion in this story, especially physical gestures such as looking down or twiddling one's thumbs.
Alrighty, let's dive in shall we? (or I will I guess because I am the one reviewing.....)

“I know,” Richard said plainly his blue eyes looking out into the dancing fire, that seems to move and flicker with the sound of the music.

I would suggest making a few changes to this sentence, to help it read more smoothly.
such as adding a comma after 'plainly', and changing 'that seemed' to 'It seemed'

I like that Richard Doesn't like to dance, it fits his personality, he's a good fighter, and strong but not super social.

-The Lady of Mystery






Thank you so much for the wonderful review Lady. I'll go change that sentence when I get the chance, thanks for pointing that out.




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The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson