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Young Writers Society


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Conquest of Shadows Chapter 15

by FlamingPhoenix


“Wait what?” Richard was astonished, what was he thinking? “Isn’t that the mission Mother and Father went on? The one that killed them!”

“Yes, but I have a reason.” Tyler waved a hand at Richard dismissively, though hurt was still visible in his eyes as his mouth tilted downwards. Still, the look didn’t last long as Tyler rolled out a scroll along the desk. “This is the King's palace from the outside, Mother drew this, she added every little detail to help the invasion and to know where it was best to get in, though it was only her and father at the time.”

“Do you think they knew they wouldn’t make it?” Richard asked, gazing down at the drawing, a longing feeling to run his hands along the drawing coming over him.

Tyler shook his head. “I don’t know what their plan was. But it’s just you and me now to complete the mission, that’s why I have to get you ready. If we head in now it will be to our death.”

Letting out a low sigh Richard looked down at his bandaged wrist sharp pain still traveling up his arm. He saw Tyler eyeing it out the corner of his eye.

“Sorry about that.” He said meekly standing up and walking over to the door. “Let’s go get it fixed up. I know someone who can do that for you.”

“O…okay.” Standing up Richard followed after him the past few day’s events going through his head over and over again, everything was moving so fast, first the Jewel, then finding out what it could do, the letter, assassins, and then finding his brother alive! He still wasn’t sure what was going on there but he will ask about it later. “So who is this someone?” Richard called out.

“You’ll see,” Tyler said over his shoulder an excited smile coming onto his face. “I’m sure you’ll like her.”

‘Her! Who was this ‘her’? Was she someone important?’ Richard narrowed his eyes, a look of deep suspicion coming onto his face. With his good hand, he pulled down his mask so it could come around his neck, his hood soon following.

It didn’t take them long before they walked into a room full of shelves covered in rags, and small silver tools Richard didn’t want to know what they were for. He could also see rolls of cloth with small trays stacked on one another. On the other side of the room were beds lined along the walls with white blankets. And through the center of the room were long wooden tables.

Richard stood at the door admiring the room as Tyler walked around seeming to be in search of something.

“Liana?” He called out looking towards a door that seemed to lead into a back room in the caves.

‘Liana? Who’s Liana?’ Richard cocked his head to the side as he thought, a million things going through his head at once. ‘Maybe a friend?’

A few sounds came from the other room followed by the sound of pots being dropped. “Yes?” A tall lean woman with long black hair that fell over her shoulders in an elegant wave of strands walked out the room her dark brown eyes meeting Tyler’s. In the torchlight, Richard had a hard time making out what color they were he almost miss took them for black.

“I need your help for a bit.” Tyler gestures over to Richard.

“Oh,” Liana said her soft face turning into a smile as she walked over to Richard. “What seems to be the problem?” She asks her eyes immediately landing on the wrist in Richard’s hand. Gently she runs a finger over it as she looks it over. “Hmm, it seems to be a minor sprain. Nothing to worry too much about.”

Walking over the shelves she got a roll of cloth then made her way back, beckoning for Richard to take a seat.

Choosing not to argue Richard did as asked. He watched Tyler observe the woman work the look on his face different somehow.

“There, all fixed,” Liana said with a smile. “Now don’t go nuts and think you can start playing around with your swords, you’ll only make it worse.” She scolded.

Richard was taken aback, he hadn’t even said anything. Though his answer came from the guilty look that came over Tyler’s face as Liana shot him a glare.

Clearing his throat Tyler walked over to them. “Liana this is Richard, my brother.”

Liana looked form Tyler to Richard the look on her face unreadable. “O…oh you didn’t tell me he was coming.”

“Nor did I.” Tyler let out a low chuckle. “He and I will be busy with a few things for a while so I won’t be around much.” Looking down at her Tyler sent her a smile, a smile Richard hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“That’s fine.” Liana waved a delicate hand at him as she made her way over to the back room again, her dark blue dress sliding over the floor. “I have work to do anyway. You boys have fun. Just try not the brake anything.” With that said she left the two alone.

Not sure what to say Richard looked form the door where Liana once was to Tyler who was in a daze. “Umm, what was that?” He asked having to poke Tyler’s arm to get his attention.

“Hmm? Oh, Liana’s a good friend of mine.” He said seeming to think it was normal to say it out of the blue without any explanation. “She already knows about the missions and all that,” Tyler answered Richard before he could ask.

Richard sent him a sly sideways glance. “Right.” He drawled, knowing the look from before was not one you would give a friend.

Tyler either didn’t pick up on the sarcasm or chose to brush it off as he walked out of the room. “Come we have some work to do.”

Mumbling under his breath about how infuriating Tyler could be, Richard followed after him until they entered the training room he had run into to get away from the assassins. He took note of the bow he had used earlier was neatly placed back on the rack, everything seeming to be in order.

“What weapons are you best at?” Tyler called from the other end of the room pushing back a curtain, another room reviled from behind.

Turning his attention from the bow Richard shrugged. “Swords I guess.”

The faint sound of mumbling came from Tyler as he went around moving things. After a little while, Tyler waved Richard over to a desk littered with paperwork.

When Richard reached the table he could see the serious look on Tyler’s face. “What’s this?” He asked looking down at the papers, picking a few up and scanning over them. Nothing important was on them, though a few had messy sketches of the palace from many different angles.

Looking up from the paper he was scanning over Tyler’s blue gaze moved to Richard. “Oh nothing really, it’s nothing like Mom’s drawings so it won’t do us any good.”

Putting the artwork down Richard took up a seat that was under the wooden table. “So is Liana in on your plan?” he asked not able to hold back his curiosity.

Shrugging Tyler only nodded not taking his eyes off his work. “Yeah, she is. Her father works for the King as one of his guards, it’s a risky job being the man hates it and the King.” Letting out a low sigh Tyler looked towards Richard. “I wish there was a way for us to get to the King without being detected or even remotely suspicious, and it only being to two of us only makes it ten times harder.” He let out a frustrated groan. “The plan is simple enough nothing much to it but skills, but we need someone to work behind the scenes.”

“Can’t Liana do that?” Richard enquired arching an eyebrow.

“No, the King would most likely know it was her, and her father would be heavily watched.” Pausing Tyler crossed his arms, “Even if the King doesn’t suspect it’s her, her father would be one of the first to be questioned, he is the King's guard and would know more of his secrets so it’s a death sentence.”

“I see.” Richard looked around the room in thought his face turning into an intense glare.

The room stayed quiet for a while allowing Tyler to work in peace, he would let out a frustrated hiss as he scanned over the paper then jot down new ideas on another. As if a light bulb was above his head Richard jumped out of his seat letting out a small yell of triumph making Tyler jump and drop the papers he was holding.

With a disapproving glare, Tyler demanded, “What was that for?”

His eyes sparkling Richard ran out the door without a second thought shouting over his shoulder, “I have an idea!”


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Mon Aug 10, 2020 6:39 pm
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MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi FlamingPhoenix,
I’m here with a review. I asked you some time ago when this chapter will be out but I didn’ have the chance to come and review it until now.
So first of all the grammar mistakes. I didn’t find many
“He watched Tyler observe the women the look on his face different somehow.”
Between “face” and “different” there should be a verb. I think was would fit the best because the sentence is in the past.
“ He watched Tyler observe the women the look on his face was different”.
“[...], everything seeming to be in order”
I believe it should seem and not seeming.
“[...], everything seems to be in order.”
I’m not sure if this is a grammar mistake but it sounded odd to me:
“[...], It’ a risky job beeing the man hates it and the king”
Maybe you could change it or explain it to me so I can understand it?
Now about the actual story, I really liked it. I enjoyed the new character as well when Richard storms out because he has an idea:
”His eyes sparkling Richard ran out the door without a second thought shouting over his shoulder ”I have an idea!” ”
I think it’s funny but also makes me curious about what is his idea.
Overall, I really liked this chapter and I can’t really say anything negative about it,
MoonIris.






Thank you for the review MoonIris.
I think I should tell you this, I'm not writing this vision of the story anymore I've just started rewriting it and I have posted the first three chapters on YWS, so I won't be continuing this draft. Here is a link to my first chapter.
Conquest of Shadows Prologue
again thanks for the review!



MoonIris says...


I%u2019ll go there, thanks!





No problem!



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Thu Jul 02, 2020 6:30 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And I'm back for this one for my last review of the day.

First Impression: Oooh planning time with Tyler. Very interesting indeed.

Anyway getting right to it,

“Do you think they knew they wouldn’t make it?” Richard asked, gazing down at the drawing, a longing feeling to run his hands along the drawing coming over him.


That's a nice little touch there.

Letting out a low sigh Richard looked down at his bandaged wrist sharp pain still traveling up his arm. He saw Tyler eyeing it out the corner of his eye.


Tyler took a long time to notice that.

It didn’t take them long before they walked into a room full of shelves covered in rags, and small silver tools Richard didn’t want to know what they were for. He could also see rolls of cloth with small trays stacked on one another. On the other side of the room were beds lined along the walls with white blankets. And through the center of the room were long wooden tables.


Good description there.

Richard had a hard time making out what color they were he almost miss took them for black.


That should be mistook

“Oh,” Liana said her soft face turning into a smile as she walked over to Richard. “What seems to be the problem?” She asks her eyes immediately landing on the wrist in Richard’s hand. Gently she runs a finger over it as she looks it over. “Hmm, it seems to be a minor sprain. Nothing to worry too much about.”


That should be looked.

Choosing not to argue Richard did as asked. He watched Tyler observe the woman work, the look on his face different somehow.


There should be a comma there. (Me internally feeling very guilty because as I've told you earlier I miss a lot of commas myself)

“Nor did I.” Tyler let out a low chuckle. “He and I will be busy with a few things for a while so I won’t be around much.” Looking down at her Tyler sent her a smile, a smile Richard hadn’t seen in a very long time.


So they're going to just leave her there the whole time?

Richard sent him a sly sideways glance. “Right.” He drawled, knowing the look from before was not one you would give a friend.


*coughs violently* Well what do we have here?

When Richard reached the table he could see the serious look on Tyler’s face. “What’s this?” He asked looking down at the papers, picking a few up and scanning over them. Nothing important was on them, though a few had messy sketches of the palace from many different angles.


Wait didn't Tyler mention that there were sketches earlier. Are these just different ones?

Shrugging Tyler only nodded not taking his eyes off his work. “Yeah, she is. Her father works for the King as one of his guards, it’s a risky job being the man hates it and the King.” Letting out a low sigh Tyler looked towards Richard. “I wish there was a way for us to get to the King without being detected or even remotely suspicious, and it only being to two of us only makes it ten times harder.” He let out a frustrated groan. “The plan is simple enough nothing much to it but skills, but we need someone to work behind the scenes.”


Oooh this is getting very interesting now. Sounds like we will have a lot of action in the times to come.

His eyes sparkling Richard ran out the door without a second thought shouting over his shoulder, “I have an idea!”


AAAAHHHH!!!! Another cliffhanger *cries*

And that's it for this chapter.

Overall: Really exciting chapter right there. Sounds like a lot of careful planning was done by Richard's parents and now they're going to build on it. The plot is looking good so far and we learn a couple more things about Tyler. And we have an interesting new character.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Thanks for the review! It gave me a few laughs!
And thank you for pointing out the mistakes I made, that was helpful.
Sorry I left you on a cliffhanger! *hands tissues* I had to do that because this chapter felt a little like a filler, I'll try to post again soon!



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!!!
*takes tissue*
*waiting patiently*



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Thu Jul 02, 2020 4:45 pm
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Overwatchful wrote a review...



Hello,Stormblessed here!

Yay! Chapter 15 is here! I am really enjoying the story so far. You're writing skill really has improved. The only problems I found were mostly spelling and some grammar issues, so here we go.

Spelling
Miss took- should be "mistook"
The brake- should be "to break"
Reviled- should be "revealed"

Grammar
Some of your verbs vary from present tense to past tense, so just check your verbs and make sure they are written in the correct tense.

Finally, a few awkward sentences and dialogue
"O..oh you didn't tell me he was coming."
"Nor did I."

That response doesn't really make sense. Maybe try
"O..oh I didn't know he was coming."

"I wish there was a way for us to get to the King without being detected or even remotely suspicious, and it only being to two of us makes it ten times harder"
This sentence is awkward, so maybe try something like this:
"I wish there was a way for us to get to the King without him detecting us or even being remotely suspicious, and it only being the two of us makes it ten times harder."

These were the ones I found.

There are also a few sentences that need a comma to break them up, but I'm sure if you run a critical eye over it, you'll find those.

Besides these, this was great! You introduced a new character, and already established her place in the story. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242






Thank you for the review! I'll go over this again and give it anther read, I always miss things like that. Even though I'm looking for them.
So thanks again for pointing out those problems, this was a great help!




There is nothing more radical or counter-cultural, at the moment, than laying down one’s cynicism in favour of tender vulnerability.
— John Green