Mikel just shrugged sitting down in the dirt, leaning against the log Richard was sitting on his hands folded behind his head. “If you say so, but if you’re not going to dance, why come to a party where you're kind of expected to?”
Scowling at Mikel’s head Richard just sighed, “Does it matter?”
“No…But I’m curious.” Mikel said, letting loose a large sigh.
Choosing to ignore the boy Richard reaches into one of the pouches strapped to his pants, only to find it empty. Blue eyes widening, he removes the pouch from his pants and looks inside, only to see the jewel was gone.
How could this have happened? It was with him when he was talking to Rachel…Rachel! She didn’t give the gem back. Letting out a long groan, he ran his hands through his blond locks, he should have known she would snag it from him, she was probably using it to make him come to see her sooner than he wanted. She always worked in ways that just annoy him further.
“What’s wrong?” Came Mikel’s voice, he edged forward peering into the pouch Richard was gripping. “There isn’t anything in there?” He looked up at the other boy and chuckled. “Ah, I see what is wrong with you! You’re delusional! That explains everything.”
Putting his pouch back on his pants Richard sent Mikel a hard glare. “I am not! You hardly even know me.” He quickly stopped himself from shoving the other boy to the floor, not wanting to get into a fight. “Why don’t you go dance with one of those nice girls?” He asked changing the subject.
Turning to gaze at the giggling girls a deep red blush made its way onto Mikel’s face. “Ahh, I don’t know. You think I should?” He looked at Richard who only frowned back at him. “Hmm, okay fine, just one dance.” Getting to his feet Mikel walked up to the group of girls, his head held high as he took long strides.
Richard couldn’t help himself but let out a small chuckle, as he watched to poor boy try and ask one of them to dance, as luck would have it one of them excepted. Holding onto one another’s hands they began to dance to the soothing melody. Their bodies becoming one.
Letting his mind wander for the first time in a few years Richard found himself watching his parents doing the same thing, their bodies gliding together as one, their feet hardly even touching the ground. A memory he hadn’t dared visit. Shaking his head Richard breathing in a deep sigh, as he could feel his heart swell up with deep emotion.
Putting his hands on his knees he slowly got to his feet, he sent Mikel a small wave, but he didn’t think the boy saw. Walking into the cold shadows Richard found himself wondering what would have happened if he was a little old on that fateful night, the night that changed his life forever.
…
Collapsing onto his bed Richard gazed up at the ceiling allowing his mind to wander once more. Why had that memory come back to him? He doesn’t normally allow himself to think of his deceased parents, and yet seeing Mikel dance with the girl, opened up a door he hadn’t aloud open in ten years.
Rolling over onto his side he looked at the photo that sat on his bed side-table, a gold frame surrounded the photo, encasing it in glass. Reaching out he picked it up bringing it to his face. His eyes glistened over as he looked at the four people in the photo.
In the middle were two boys, one had golden locks and stunning blue eyes, filled with life as he grinned up at the camera, his hands in his pants pockets. Next to him was a taller boy, he too had blue eyes, but had more of a golden-red hair. He had his arm wrapped around his little brother, he too smiling with his tong out.
Sitting up Richard then moved onto the two other people in the photo, his eyes went to the tallest man, his tanned hands on both of the boy’s shoulders, as he had a proud smile on his face, his green eyes holding a loving spark, his blond locks framing his narrow face. Next to him stood a young woman, her fiery red hair waving around her round face as her blue eyes gazed down at the two boys, her hands resting on the smallest of the boys. Both adults were dressed in assassin uniforms while the boys were in their normal jeans and shirts.
Letting out a shaky sigh Richard placed the frame back on his bed side-table, oh how he longed to go back to those days, where everything was so simple. Where he didn’t know the king planned to go to war with every enemy kingdom. Before his parents went missing.
Flopping down onto his pillow he glanced out the window, his lips in a firm line as he thought. What if he wasn’t a good an assassin like his parents and older brother? What if he fails and the whole kingdom is destroyed? And what would happen to Ryan?
Letting out a low growl Richard smacked his hands over his face, “All I have to do now is do my training with Ryan and get that Gem back from Rachel.” His voice came out muffled as he spoke.
Swinging his legs over the bed he got up walking over to the window sitting down on the stool next to it, he gazed up at the stars, their light bringing back another memory. His mother’s voice echoing through his head calming and soothing. ‘Richard, no matter what, I will always be here for you, even if I’m not here in flesh, I will always be in your heart.’ Richard flinched as he remembers her putting her hand over his chest. If only he knew that day really would be the last time he would see her. Ten years have gone by and it still stings as much as it did he heard they had gone missing, maybe even more.
End of chapter
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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)
Halfway...kind of but not really because you can't divide 13 by 2.
First Impression: Backstory time!! Good timing on that. If you'd dumped this earlier it would have felt out of place but here the timing is just right.
Anyway getting right to it,
Comma there.
That should be annoyed. Also that was very mean of you Rachel. Just kidding. Rachel is now my favorite character.
Okay that seems like a bit too severe of a conclusion to just jump right to.
I think you meant in
Comma there. (I feel like such a hypocrite right now)
Sentence fragment there. You should just attach that to the previous paragraph.
That should be older.
That should be didn't.
These are some nice descriptions.
Okay plot hole detected: Why did he bring up the fact that being as assassin was illegal earlier like it was a problem? Here it clearly shows that his father was also an assassin and he obviously wants to be a good assassin.
Okay lovely sentiment there but a few errors.
had
stung
had when
And that is it for this chapter.
Overall: Great chapter overall. This story is getting really interesting. I love this backstory and he's so far a very likable character.
As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks again!
Maybe when I go back an rewrite this I'll explain more about his parents and why there were outlaws. But they were outlaws because they were against the king becoming assassins to well accomplish their plan. I can see how that's a plot hole at this point, thanks for pointing that out.
Lol I'm happy to hear you like Rachel though after a short meeting with her I'm not to sure why, but it must mean I gave her a lot of personality.
See you in the next review!
Your Welcome!!
And Rachel's personality just reminds me so much of my best friend so naturally I like her a lot.
Well I'm glad I could do that with out even knowing! This will make the story more enjoyable for you then.
I try and give each of my characters a distinct personality so you can tell them apart.
Definitely a good plan that.
Its working out so far!
Yep!
Heya Flames!
I hope to see more of him soon!
Hope you're doing well. Here to drop off a review real quick. Let's get started, now, shall we?
Alright, so, if I were to be a reader, who randomly starts reading from the beginning of the chapter, I would have very well understood what was happening and where they were. Girls, dancing, new kid named Mikel, Richard is the MC, Richard doesn't want to talk to Mikel, but Mikel is being annoying. xD Good start!
And hah, Mikel continuously pestering poor Richie to dance is kinda like something I would do. Don't tell Richie. It's very entertaining.
Moving on... Oh, the gem. Woops. You have to start being more careful, Richie!! Hold on to things properly. Wait. What if. Rachel actually stole the gem, and she really isn't on Richard's side? And she's just... pretending??? :O That'd be crazy, but I doubt it, but then again, a writer is a writer and a writer can write up anything and everything.
Anywho! I like this last part where Richard is missing his parents. It's very touching. You don't take it to an extreme, which is really helpful and easy on your readers. Not info-dumpy either. And in between each thought, you have him getting up, or sitting down, or looking at the photograph, which is great!
Also - thought I'd point this out - (you probably know what I'm going to saw) I suggest giving your piece and once-over to make sure all minor errors like spelling and tenses is fine.
Other than that, great work! Can't wait for the next chapter~ And, of course, if you have any questions about this review, then feel free to ask me whenever.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty
Thanks for the review Lib! I'm glad this chapter was easy to understand. I wanted to kind of have ti strait forward.
XD I'm glad you like Mikel. I like him to, so don't worry you will see more of him later.
I'll let you know when the next chapter is out.
Thanks and your welcome!
^-^ Writerkitty here with another review!!
:O Oh wow... this chapter was packed with a lot of information about Richard's parents and his past. I love dinning up old information!
I just love Mikel... he's such a funny dude.
It's funny how easily Richie is annoyed with him...they sure are total opposites. At least Mikel managed to get that dance he wanted.
And Rachel... she's so sneaky! I almost forgot that she had the jewel in her hand too! :O Nice , how you brought it up like that.
^_^ This chapter really brought out more of your characters personalities and I really like that.
;-; Poor Richie, I think the reason why he's avoiding gatherings like parties and all is because it brings back memories of his parents. I felt really sorry for the poor guy when he pictured his parents dancing along at the party... he must really miss them.
I always wondered what sort of relationship he had with his parents and how old he was when he lost them. And now I've got the answers!
I really like how you described Richard's family by mentioning a photograph rather than just jumping into a lengthy description. ^^ By the way, as always, you've nailed the descriptions! It was really easy to picture everything in my head.
And... O.o He had a brother!! And he was an assassin too! :O Wow, I never expected that! I didn't even know he had a brother in the first place. Giving that Ryan didn't mention anything about a brother, I'm wondering what happened to him. Did he also die, or did he switch sides... hmm...
Anywho, this chapter revealed a lot about Richard's backstory. Now I have a better understanding of the hatred he has towards the king; the king was a merciless person who's more focused on wars, wealth and power than his own people making the innocent people pay the price for his actions.
:O I wonder what Rachel is doing with the jewel. She might be waiting for Richie to show up as he'd assumed... but I feel kinda suspicious, giving that you're quite unpredictable sometimes, I'm quite curious to know whether things would go as Richard had planned.
Onto the nit-picks and suggestions!
These two sentences don't seem to quite match for some reason. The second sentence seems more like a continuation of the first one rather than a separate sentence, so I suggest changing it up a bit ^^
Spoiler
I think it's 'took' instead of 'tock'
'is' doesn't seem to match the sentence here, consider changing it to something like 'in a matter of fact' or something like that, because I'm a bit confused in what you're trying to say there.
^-^ You were right! There were very few comma issues in this chapter and you've definitely improved a lot!
Are a few you might've missed. ^-^
Overall, this was a really interesting chapter to read and I can't wait to read more!!
Keep writing,
your friend,
writerkitty
I'm glad to see you're enjoying things and have more questions that you would like to be answered, so I'll get moving on the next chapter.
I'm rather looking forward to the up coming chapters, I know they will be a lot more information about Richard's family and what happens.
So I will let you know when the next chapter is out.
Hope I didn't make you cry.
^-^ Ooh awesome! can't wait to read them!
;-; you did make me cry... poor Richie
Aww sorry Kitty! *Hugs*