Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)
Halfway point has been passed.
First Impression: Ohh I need to read that letter. And you do a great job of bringing out the relationship between Richard and Ryan here(Do you like the letter R? So many R's). And more Rachel coming up. Yaay!!
Anyway getting to it,
Ryan shook his head. “I don’t know what happened to Tyler. After your parents went missing he left too.” His eyes fell to the floor and he began to wring his hands together. “I believe the pain got too much for him.”
More backstory. This is going to be amazing when it is all revealed.
“You really want to find out about your parents don’t you?” Ryan uttered while standing up, letting out a low sigh he nodded. “Very well, before they left on the mission they left you a letter.” Reaching into his pocket he removed a wood and paper scroll, handing it over he continued to talk. “I haven’t read it, but trust me what is in there is probably going to change your life, so open it at your own risk Perhaps it’s time you learn the truth and I stop treating you like a child.” With that he turned and left the room, leaving Richard to his thoughts.
That's a long time to keep a letter but it does make sense that he's only be old enough now. I really want to know what's in that thing.
“Maybe another time.” He said quietly closing the draw.
That should be drawer.
He called over his shoulder, fastening his sword he had grabbed before leaving his room onto his back.
The sword would sound better I think.
“Oh I’m not worried about you, I’m concerned about the horse,” Ryan said over his shoulder without even glancing at Richard.
This relationship is reminding me of the relationship between Arcturus and Harry.( I know you have no idea who they are). I loved that dynamic and I love this dynamic that they have. It's conveyed really well.
Running his hands over his cores black hair he could feel his strong mussels ripple along his body.
Somehow I don't think you mean the seafood. It muscles right?
It didn’t take Richard long to get Thunder saddled up and fed, leading him to the stable gates Richard looked out over the sandy wasteland ahead of them, the lush greenery a small line in the distains.
That should be distance.
All he knew is he had to get the Gem back, who knows what could have happened? He also had to get as far away from his parents' letter as he could. He knew he wasn’t ready to learn the truth. What if he does what Tyler did, runs away and never shows his face again?
Okay after all this I'm starting think the jewel, the parents and them being outlawed are all connected somehow. Hmm...do assassins steal?
Tightening his hold on Thunders rains Richard tapped his foot against the black horse’s side, edging him to go faster.Richard could feel the cool morning breeze whip past his face as he closed his eyes letting himself fall into its cold embrace.
That is some beautiful language there. Great imagery.
Time seems to fly by as Richard had known relocation of how much time had passed when he and Thunder stopped in front of a small cottage.Dismounting Thunder Richard walked up the steps onto the front porch, the old wood creaking under his weight. Breathing in a large sigh Richard opened to door, the old wood squeaking on its hinges.
That should be recollection. I'm curious. Are you using a phone to type this? Some of these mistakes are the sort of ones you get when the phone's autocorrect acts up.
And a sigh is usually when you exhale. Sort of like you're releasing a breath that you were unconsciously holding. In that context its wrong to call it a sigh.
Peering inside, Richard’s eyes only landed on old furnishings and a dusty table of to the side of the darkroom, the light coming from the window casting dim blades of light into the dust-coated room. Slowly he walked in the light from behind him casting his shadow on the wall in front of him.
There should be a comma there. Also great description.
Suddenly he felt a pair of arms wrap around his neck in a tight hold. Acting out of instinct he reached behind him and grabbed the attacker’s shoulders and heaved them over his back, sending them to the floor. Reaching into his weapons pouch he removed his knife, but before he attacks further he looked down at the girl lying on the floor at his feet glaring up at him.
That is an awesome move.
Her demeanor remained calm as she took her time answering him. “Oh, hush I only borrowed it.”
Yep Rachel is definitely my favorite.
Rachel scoffed. “Well not here if that’s what you’re asking? It’s back at the cave where I keep on my valuable things.” Waving her hand at him she walked out of the house.
That word is not necessary.
Looking over at him her blue eyes meeting his, she smiled. “I’ll tell you when we get to the cave.” Flicking the rains she dashed forward on her horse.
“I hate it when she gets like this.” Richard groaned as he commanded Thunder to follow after the others.
Lovely little cliffhanger. So sad that I have to go eat before I can read the next chapter.
And that's it.
Overall: Some great character development again. And a lovely ending. I can't wait to come back and read the rest.
As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest..
I'll be gone for a couple of hours but I will be back to do at least four more reviews before I stop for the day.
Stay Safe
Harry
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