The hot sun beat down on Richard’s back as he followed Rachel on Thunder’s back into a small stable, its floor was covered in fresh strands of hay and troughs of fresh cool water in the stalls. Dismounting Thunder Richard along with Rachel led their horses to their stables.
The whole ride there Richard and Rachel hadn’t uttered a single word, the cold silence now tugged at Richard making him feel uneasy as he followed Rachel to a small cave opening. It’s not like he minded he liked having no conversation and just listening to the sound of hooves…but it’s unlike Rachel to be so quiet.
Looking up He saw her walk towards the cave entrance. If it wasn’t for Rachel leading him he wouldn’t have known the cave was there. Long strands of green leafs draped over the opening making it hard for the naked eye to catch, the cool breeze rustling the leafs.
“My cave is through here.” Rachel said over her shoulder, lifting some vines out of the way stepping into the darkness.
Letting out a low sigh Richard followed after her, he couldn’t understand her sometimes. She knew that jewel was important to him and that he had killed to get it, and yet she thought it would be fine to hold onto it for a bit, and what’s worse is he didn’t even notice before it was too late.
Richard ran a hand over his face while letting out a low groan, now he knew what Ryan was talking about. If he was going to be out there getting himself into things like he always did, he needed to read people and not get things such as that jewel taken from him without his knowing. Ryan was right he needed to train more, a lot more.
“Hey, are you coming or not?” Came Rachel’s harsh whisper as she poked her head through the vines, a frown planted on her delicate, pale face.
Looking up now out of his thoughts Richard waved his hand at her. “Yeah, yeah I’m coming, sheesh.” Putting a hard face on, he walked into the cave opening after her.
Upon entering cold darkness surrounded the two as Rachel walked down the large hall out of memory. Richard had to stay close otherwise he would have lost his way. Running a hand along the wall a cold, wet substance covered his fingertips. Up ahead he could hear Rachel mucking around with the key, then the sound of a heavy door being opened echoed throughout the tunnel. Sharp blades of dusty, light split through the air like steal knives as the door was opened ajar.
Letting out a heavy sigh Rachel turned to face Richard. “Now don’t get freaked out by what you see when you walk into this room.”
Richard walked up to her and stopped standing next to her, a hard frown planted on his face. “Uhh, okay? Not like I’m not already worried.” Pushing the wooden door open he walked inside, but what he saw was not what he expected. Black scorch marks stained the rock walls as every item in the room had been blown to splinters. Gaping Richard asked. “Wha…what happened?” his eyes landing on the clear blue jewel sitting in the middle of the room, clearly resting on a table that is now clumps of black wood around it.
A light laugh made its way out of Rachel as she began to twiddle with her fingers. “Now this is where things get interesting.”
A hard scowl made its way onto Richard’s face as his eyebrows creased together. “Really? And what would be fascinating about this?” He asked pointing towards the mess.
Rachel sighs. "Well if you let me explain, you will soon find out won’t you?" She walked past him into the room her feet stepping over the scattered wood.
Mumbling something over his shoulder Richard slowly followed after her.
Picking up the Gem Rachel tossed it over to Richard who caught it in one fluid motion. Looking down at it he could see nothing had happened to it, not a scrape or even a smudge of ash.
Sighing Rachel kicked some wood out of her path. “When you showed me that...” She waved her hands in Richard's direction pointing at the jewel. “Gem, I got a little curious about what it could be and why the king would want it so much so...I did a little bit of experimenting.”
Richard's eyes widened. “And that made this mess?!”
She gave him a sheepish grin. “No…?” She began to fiddle with her fingers like she always did when she had Richard’s hard glare on her. “Well not on purpose.”
Tapping his foot Richard put one of his hands on his hip arching an eyebrow waiting for her explanation, while the other hand reached behind him and slipped the Jewel into one of his pouches.
“You see I got a little frustrated so I began to list off things the king would need, like soldiers, and weapons, and umm, B.O.M.B.S if he wants to take over the other nations.” She began to explain, but she saw the look that came onto Richard’s face when she spelled out one of the words.
Richard sighed and asked, “Why aren’t you saying bo-”
“DON’T SAY IT!!!” Rachel yelled slamming a hand over his mouth. “Just let me finish.” She said a little calmer. “So as I was rattling off words such as the once I just said I saw something change in the Gem when I said…you know. A few seconds afterward I’m running out the room because that thing is about to explode!” She finished, a huff escaping her.
Richard’s eyes widened, he removed Rachel’s hand from his mouth. “Are you saying if you give the command it will just blow up?” As he said those words he could feel the pouch attached to his pants begin to get warm. Frowning he reached in and removed the Jewel only it was no longer blue but a deep red, as yellow sparks could be seen flying through it.
“Oh no, it’s happening again!” Rachel hissed.
Reacting quickly Richard quickly rolled the Jewel across the room the icy outside making a tinkling noise when hitting the stone floor. He rapidly shoved Rachel through the door following close behind shutting it behind him.
BOOM!!!!!!!
Soft puffs of black smoke crept through the space between the floor and the door slowly traveling along the hall. Not sure what to think Richard looked over at Rachel who was standing up from the floor.
“That is what happens in you use any word related to explosions.” Rachel huffed. “I guess I should have told you before I let you see the Jewel.” A guilty expression made its way onto her face.
Richard didn’t have the words to express what he was feeling. What just happened? He hadn’t heard of anything that could do that. There were history books back at the mountain he had read a thousand times, and he was sure there wasn’t anything like this in them.
With a shaky hand, Richard opened the door only to see everything scorched completely black other than the Jewel to the far off corner, back to its calm blue color. “If this is what the king wants…” Richard shivered. “We have a bigger problem at hand than I thoughts.”
Rachel only nods her eyes wide. “What are we going to do Richard?” She looked up at him her eyes a little wider. “If the King knows it can do this he must have his men after you! You do realize you’re a known criminal?”
Richard shook his head. “They can’t know it’s me. I’m not that good.”
Sighing Rachel placed a hand on his shoulder. “You're better than you think, and they don’t know it’s you, only the masked you. So, what are we going to do?”
End of chapter
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)
And I'm back,
First Impression: Oooh so that's what the jewel can do. *takes more notes*. And that's pretty much all we learnt from this chapter besides maybe a few snippets of Rachel's and Richard's personalities.
Anyway let's get to it,
That part is not needed. Also those commas are needed.
So he knew the cave was there judging by his lack of surprise from earlier but she has seriously never shown him the cave before? Seems unlikely if they're such close friends.
Good on him to realize that.
Great description here. And also that comma.
That part has to be rephrased. As it is it doesn't make much sense. It should be something like resting on a table that had been reduced to clumps of black wood.
Well that was very irresponsible.
Seems like a very inconvenient trigger mechanism. You could literally never plan a battle around this thing because someone is bound to accidentally say bomb and the bomb would explode in friendly territory.
Well that was a proper Uh oh moment there.
And that's it for this chapter.
Overall: We finally know what's so special about the jewel and another dangerous sounding threat is directed to our protagonist. Also how would the king know who killed that man? It was in an abandoned alley and the body was just left to rot so I don't see how the king could find out.
As always remember to take what you think is useful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I'm glad your enjoy this story so far.
I can see this chapter needs some work. There are so many things I wish I could tell you. XD
Thank you for the review!
Your Welcome!!
And yaa its a great story.
^-^ Greetings! Writerkitty here with a review for ya!
Ooh, interesting... So the jewel is like some kinda voice-activated weapon o.o I totally didn't see that coming, it's a pretty cool idea! :O
Rachel is such a troublemaker...I wonder what kind of 'experiment' she was going to try on the jewel xD It's a good thing the jewel takes some time before it activates...otherwise Rachel would've gotten into much bigger trouble o.o
Poor Richard, first he had to deal with his bossy uncle, then a new weird friend Mickel and now an exploding jewel, this guy's life doesn't seem to get any easier. Not to mention the sassy Rachel who's always by his side to annoy him a bit xD
I really like how this chapter is fully focused on the jewel. You really made us intrigued to know more about the mysterious gem since chapter one, so I think you've brought it up at the right time. And still...I think there might be more to it. Hmm...
Well, now I know why the king wants the weapon so much, it could pretty much blow up an entire city... o.o And it's reusable and doesn't cost a penny. I really hope Rachel and Richie figure out a way to keep it out of the greedy king's reach. Aaand I hope they refrain from using the 'words related to battle'n stuff'
Even though the two could've gotten seriously hurt if they didn't manage to escape in this scene, I found this bit pretty hilarious...I mean, Richie is usually like the more serious, brainy and tactful one around, be he totally had a poor choice of words here xD
^^ I gotta agree with Liberty, your descriptions are amazing!! :O It's something I'm still struggling with, but I think you really have wonderful skill in writing good descriptions
Onto the nitpicks and suggestions! ^_^
I think Liberty already addressed and gave some really useful resources for the misuse of commas, so I'm not going to write a whole lot about it. But, I thought to point out a few mistakes so you could get a better idea about it.
This sentence seems a bit confusing when I read it, so I think you could change it up a bit like this,
Dismounting Thunder, Richard, along with Rachel, led their horses to their stables.
But if the sentence still seems a bit odd, maybe you can change the structure of it,
Spoiler
(this is just a suggestion)
It seems like you've fused two sentences here. You could add a period or semicolon after minded.
This is just a typo, but I think you've misspelt 'leaves' as 'leafs'
^-^ That's all for now. As always, this was a really interesting chapter!
I'm looking forward to read the next instalment! ^^
keep up the good work!
your friend,
writerkitty
Thank you so much for the review Kitty!
I thought it was time I added some more details about the jewel. There is only so long you can keep everything hidden.
I'm looking forward to your reactions in the next chapter, and forever onward!
I know like I keep saying the comma thing is a real problem. And I'm trying to fix it and read through and pick up on it. So the links Lib pointed out can help!
Thanks again for the wonderful review!
can u send me the link for the first 5 chapts
Sure!
I'm sure you'll be able to fix the comma problem ^^ Don't worry about it!
Hiya Flames!
That's crazily awesome. I love that! And by the way, I'm not sure if the King is evil or not but I really do hope that he doesn't use it for a bad thing, because, like, this thing is you know what. O-O

Hope you're doing well today or tonight. I'm here to wave my wand and gift you a review. =3
Lemme just... Process this. So the gem does you know what if you mention anything related to you know what?
Honestly though, that is so cool.
I'm going to be honest with you — sometimes I feel as if you and your sisters have a talent for little details (like the green leaves swaying in the breeze in front of the cave), and descriptions, and I'm always awed by it. It's wonderful! ^-^
One thing I did note though, is your commas. It does seem as if you don't use them in the right spots or miss them at some spots. This has been going on for a bit, so I decided I'd leave you with two articles that I found helpful in the Knowledge Base. The first one is here (there's a buncha other grammar articles in that thread if you wanna check it out) and there's one called Comma splices. The two links are specifically for commas, and I thought you'd want to go through them.
Ah, and one last thing—
I think you meant in one fluent motion here, instead.
Alright, I'm done with my review. Hope this helped, and of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever. I'm excited for the next chapter! You've left us at a very interesting cliffhanger there!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty
Thanks Lib for the review!
I'm really happy you liked what the Gem can do! Lol, I was rather excited for this chapter. So I'm looking forward to see how things will play out the further we go.
I no the comma thing is a problem and I'm trying to fix it, but I seem to not be getting it that well. I'll have a look at the links you gave me, they might help. Thanks again.
And thanks for saying my description is really good, that is something I know I'm good at. XD I like doing that part of the writing, and adding in lots of detail is well one of the keys to a good book!
I look forward to your reaction to the next chapter! See you then!
Not a problem!