Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
The chapter before last.
First Impression: Two great fight scenes which is amazing. And also very mysterious man and another great cliffhanger.
Richard’s sword collided with the first man’s, the mettle scraping against one another sending small yellow and orange sparks into the crisp air.
We interrupt this review to bring you History time with the Prince of Darkness. Okay sparks from swords. I'm not saying sparks will never fly from a sword. But on what is essentially the first move in a fight it would never happen. You see sparks are when the sword gets really hot and the hits the edge of another sword really hard. This cause a piece of the sword to got so hot that it breaks off and glows creating a spark. So sparks happening in a sword fight would be if say you're in battle for several hours (stabbing lots of people tends to heat up your sword [please don't ask me how I know that]) and then at such a point you might get sparks. But usually you don't get sparks unless its a movie and the movie ones are fake.
Now back to your regularly scheduled review.
Looking above him Richard saw a poll hanging from the ceiling, it was old and rusted but it would have to do. It wasn't the best idea he had ever had, but it was all he could do right now. Jumping up, Richard grabbed onto the poll feeling it loosen by the extra weight.
Those should both be pole
Below him, he heard the swords collide with one another, not having enough time to stop the attack their weapons intertangled. Eyes narrowing Richard jumped down landing on one of the men's shoulders pushing them to the floor that was soon followed by the rest. As he ran towards the door he made sure too pickup his swords he had dropped.
I don't think there's a word called intertangled. Go for something like intertwined. Also that last bit should be chopped. We already know that. It doesn't need to mentioned again.
As he ran he put his swords away in their cases, the staircase was slippery under his feet, the dirt and water making it hard to get a firm grip, a loud crash and shouting came from within the prison, Richard could only assume they were chasing after him.
You don't usually call that a case. It either a sheath or a scabbard.
Stealing a quick glancing behind him he saw the slight movement of a shadow along the floor but it soon was out of sight as he turned a corner running down a long hall, making a quick right he charged into the weapon room hastily Richard ran over to the shelf that was covered in the bows and arrows, grabbing one Richard loading an arrow onto the string, pulling it back up to his chin he edged over to the door, he could hear to sound of heavy footsteps on the floor heading in his direction, he didn’t know why he always got himself into these types of situations and why he always faced it head-on, sometimes there was the right time to run…but a part of him wanted to know why these men were after him, and how they found him. Letting out a large sigh Richard walked further up to the door, maybe if he attacked them firsts this time he would get the upper hand, though he highly doubted it.
This part is lovely. It builds the tension nicely. Also new word for the day: the word for loading an arrow onto a bow is knocking an arrow.
Taking a step back Richard looked down at the blood coated bodies before him. He didn’t understand, what happened? Who did this to them? Was there someone else one there? Walking up to the bodies Richard inspected the cuts that ran over their bodies, they were clean and done with precision, whoever had done this knew where they were doing.
Saying they were covered in blood and then following it up with saying that the they were clean cuts sounds a bit contradictory but I get what you're saying. Maybe rephrase it a little bit.
As his fingers moved around the rope pulling and tugging in all directions he began to feel it loosen, a small gin formed on his face as he began undoing the knot.
That should be grin.
“HEY! Who are you and what do you want with me?” Richard bellowed full of rage, clanging his hands that were still tide.
That should be tied
"Well, I didn’t think you had a choice?” Picking up a cased blade from behind him, the man removed it and ran a dark cloth over its fine blade.
That should be sheathed. You never say cased.
It looks like he doesn’t work for the king after all. Richard frowned, if he didn’t work for the king then why would he tie him up. He hadn’t done anything wrong…had he? He guesses there must be a reason, maybe he thought he worked for the king?
That should be guesses
“I just happened to wander in.” Richard blurted, avoiding eye contact. He could feel the hair along his back stand up on end, one wrong move and he could be like the other men in the corner, and he knew the truth is probably not what he would like to hear, ‘Oh hey I’m also an assassin planning to kill your king, oh and I have this gem that explodes in command, and could do lots of other things too. Would you let me go now?’ Yeah, he did not see that conversation going well…well on his end anyway.
I love that last bit. Funny but so true.
Once the two of them were gone Richard hurriedly looked around for anything that could help him escape. His eyes court the small glint of mettle in the corner the firelight reflected off its surface.
That should be metal but you should probably use something like steel there. Using metal all the time would be repetitive.
What was he doing? There was no way he was going to get out of here if he had someone following him, they would just keep going even when he gets out the canyon, besides he had a few questions he would like to ask him.
That should be got
A flash of mettle then past Richard’s face colliding with his blade as he lifted it to block the attack. The two exchanged plows like this for a while Richard often having the doge and maneuver and get shots in when he could.
That should be metal. Also that part is a little rushed. I think you should show a couple of dodges, lunges and stuff and drag that to a couple of paragraphs instead of just saying they did it for a while. Also were they at a farmer's convention to be exchanging plows? I think you meant blows.
The wind was knocked out of Richard as his back hit the floor, sharp pain running up his back and over his body. Glancing up Richard saw the sliver tips of the blades pointed down at him a few centimeters from his face.
Now that's an ending. I'm so glad you get another chapter out. If this was the last one I read the cliffhanger would have been killing me.
And that's it for this.
Overall: Amazing fight scenes. That second one felt a touch rushed but the first one was perfect. And this mysterious man seems to be very interesting. Let's see what happens.
As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.
P.S. I hope I'm not boring you to death with the history stuff. Its just that I know a thing or two about sword fighting and I just wanted to let you know.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254038
Reviews: 4101
Donate