Richard watched as Ryan swung another blow at him with his sword, keeping the iron shield up and above his head Richard through one of the throwing knives at Ryan’s legs.
Hissing out in pain when the fine blade cut a small part of his skin, Ryan jumped back a bit. “Very good,” He breathed out, his breath coming out in short bursts. “I’m happy to see you using your surroundings to your advantage.”
Richard saw that Ryan had backed off, happy with himself he stood up and put the shield back on its peg on the wall. “Well, I’m not that bad you know?” Richard joked. A smile spreading across his face.
“Yes, well don’t get ahead of yourself.” Ryan scoffed while rolling his forest green eyes. “Now I’m going to patch up this…mess.” He groaned as he pointed to his cut leg. Putting his sword away in its sheath, he walked out of the training room.
Watching the older man walk off Richard sighed to himself, he thought it would be a lot harder, but if he was honest he couldn’t go full force with him, being that he can’t kill him. Chuckling Richard walked over to the cliff-face.
There logged into the stone was his sword, it’s silver blade shining in the light. Pulling it out of the ground by the handle, Richard wiped it over with an old brown cloth, then packed it away in its case on his back.
"Maybe I’ll get some fresh air,” Richard mumbled to himself walking out of the training room, slowly he made his way down one of the long halls, the torchlight, brightening his path. A wooden door greeted him at the end of the corridor, the wood rough to the touch when Richard ran he’s hand over it.
Opening the door, Richard walked into the darkroom, the only light coming from the moonbeams shining through the windows. Walking over to one of the closest windows he looked out at the town a few miles away, the lights from the houses dim.
Looking around his room, Richard walked over to his closet, reaching in he got more black gloves, and a cloak out. Putting the clothing on, he made his way over to a rack with all his weaponry on it. Removing some wet stone from a bowl, he put it in one of the pouches he had, along with making sure his sword was strapped onto his back.
When all was set, Richard made his way over to the window again. Shaking his head he jumped out grasping onto the rocky mountain with his hands and feet, over the years of sneaking out he had made dents in the stone with knifes to make his dissent easier.
It didn’t take him long to reach the bottom, when he did he looked up at his window, no light radiating from his room, all was still. Grinning to himself, he pulled his black mask over his face and began to make his way over to the village.
…
When he entered the small village, Richard looked around, normally the people would be in their houses, but everything was quiet and dark. To still for his liking. Had something happened? Did the king come and attack? Maybe it was because of him?
Walking up to one of the houses Richard walked up onto the front porch, the wood beneath him creaking with the motion. Lifting his gloved hand he got ready to bring it down on the front door…when in the distance there was a high pitched scream.
Spinning around Richard jumped over the railing and off the porch, his heart pounding for some strange reason, he wasn’t sure what was going on but he was going to find out. As he got closer to where he thought the noise came from the flicker of flames began to appear, dancing along the houses he ran past.
Suddenly stopping in an alley between two houses Richard pressed his back against the wood, reaching out to remove his sword. His breath steady, he began to creep forward, the cold steel of his blade shining in the firelight.
“Relax it’s only a party.” A cold voice whispered behind him.
Spinning around Richard placed his blade at the neck of the one who spoke. Running his eyes over them, inspecting the masked person, their ocean blue eyes gazing back at his own. They didn’t move nor did they seem afraid just mildly annoyed.
Letting out a small sigh, Richard put his weapon away. Leaning against the wood his arms folded he spoke. “Why do you insist on sneaking up on me like that?” He hissed, his eyes flick over to look at the figure next to him, their arms folded over their chest.
“Well, I didn’t mean to, by the way, great reflexes. You’re getting better.” The masked person winked at him. “What you doing out anyway, I thought Ryan was watching you like a hawk?”
Richard shrugged. “He's an old toad, he can only be onto me for a certain amount of time.” Richard looked out at the dancing flames of the bomb fire. “Rachel?”
Said person looked up at him a questioning expression on her face. “Yeah?”
“What do you think the king wants with the people?” Richard asked that one question that had been bugging him for a very long time now.
“Hmm…Power I guess. What else would he want?” Rachel said, tapping her masked chin with her forefinger. “Why you ask?” She frowned at him, her eyebrows creasing together.
Richard just let out a small sigh and reached into one of the pouches that were attached to his pants at the back. “Because he wanted this.” He simply said tossing the jewel he had taken from the man earlier towards Rachel.
Swiftly catching it in her right hand Rachel looked over the blue object, its glass-like features shining in the firelight. “Why would he want this? He has all the money and power he could ever want.” She let out a frustrated groan.
“I’ve been thinking that all day and only one thing came to mind, it may have magic properties. But that’s impossible.” Richard hissed out, his frustration becoming clearer with every word.
Rachel gently placed her hand on Richard’s shoulder. “Why are you out here tonight?” She cocked her head at him, her eyes holding all the innocence in the world.
Shrugging Richard turned to face her. “To escape my life and the memory's that haunt me.”
End of chapter
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140,106 Literary Works • 673,010 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)
And we move into the second quarter of this,
First Impression: Bit of an anticlimax there with the fight ending so soon but that's okay. This is training after all. And a new character. Also in a mask. The plot thickens.
Anyway getting right to it,
Err...bag? Shields are hung on like a mount or something. I don't think you call it a bag.
Couldn't they use like wooden swords and they go harder at each other to train? That would be non lethal but still allow them to train pretty hard.
You don't need a comma there. Also brightening sounds weird there. Try illuminating or say the torchlight lighting the way.
I love the description there. Also that should be descent.
That was a little repetitive there.
The tension is built really well here.
They must be really good friends if he can recognize her through a mask. Interesting.
I think that needs to be added there.
This gem continues to be very suspicious.
Okay that last bit doesn't make sense. I don't get what he's trying to say.
And that's it for this one.
Overall: Great chapter. And we meet a new character who is a bit of a mystery but appears to be a good friend of Richard's so that's great. And once again this is a really interesting plot. Are these masked people some sort of resistance? The question only increase.
And once again hope I didn't repeat anything. As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hehe and the plot only gets thicker! You keep reading and you'll find out more!
I can see at this stage of my writing I was to excited to get writing so I didn't see all the things I would now. I need to fix these chapters...after I finish this draft. I can't stop now and keep you in limbo after all.
Again thank you for the review! I'm looking forward to seeing more!!
Your Welcome!!
Yes definitely a better idea to edit it once all of it has been posted. If you go back to edit every time you will never actually finish the story.
Yeah tell me about it that what happened to a few of my others, so this time I'm being strict.
Good decision. My first story was ruined exactly like that.
Though it get hard sometimes! XD
Well yeah. That's the part where you have to just believe you can do it and keep going.
Yup!
^-^ Hiya, writerkitty here with another review!
I can't wait to learn more about her as the story progresses.
Yaaaaay!! A New character! :D
So I was right about Richard. He was going easy on the old man during combat because he can't 'kill' him. O.o Yikes, Richard...you're always going for the kill.
I'm kinda glad the combat practice ended with Richard winning, and he too seemed quite happy about it considering all the jokes and laughing. ^-^ But somehow, he didn't seem completely satisfied.
And I'm starting to think his relationship with his uncle isn't that pleasant. (He also called him and old toad...which I found kinda funny xD) They seem to be working towards achieving a common goal in the beginning but now feels as if they have different motives.
This chapter didn't give away much about the plot, but I really like the pace of your novel, it's quite interesting to read it and most of the scenes aren't rushed. ^-^
In the previous chapters, I thought Richie really loved his job, being an assassin and all. But now he seems pretty tired and confused about it. I don't blame him; when you're in charge of looking after innocent people from a greedy evil king and his minions, I'm sure it's pretty stressful.
I like how you depicted it when how worried he got when he heard a scream, only to find out that it came from a party. So when the rest of the village is having fun, he's out there worried over who the king might kill and why he wanted that strange jewel.
Interesting how that jewel is mentioned in every chapter... now I'm even more sure that it's going to play a major role later on.
So the major point I got to learn from this chapter is that Richard doesn't really like what he's doing and he seems to be looking for an escape, I hope he makes a wise decision though.
^_^ I quite enjoyed reading the dialogue between Richard and Rachel. (wow...all the characters you've introduced so far have names starting with R....)
Rachel seems like a pretty tough yet caring person...but I think she's got a funny and sarcastic side to her as well.
I'm also kind of curious to know what sort of a relationship they have, are they close friends? Alleys? (well..they obviously seems so) Oooor are they in a relationship? xD
Oh, and she's also wearing a mask and seems to know about all the training and stuff Richie goes through, so I assume she's also training under Richard's uncle or she's training to be an assassin under some other person from the village.... which makes me also assume, that there's a whole gang of assassins secretly plotting to defeat the king. O.o Interesting.
Onto the nitpicks and suggestions!
I think you meant 'threw' instead of 'throw'
There seems to be a comma splice here and the sentence itself seems too wordy. ^-^ So I suggest you change it up a bit,
Spoiler
There were a few places where you've missed adding commas, but I'm not going to annoy you by being extremely nit-picky here... But if you want, I'll gladly point them out all for you ^-^
Here are a few,
^-^ Well, that's all for now. This was a really interesting chapter and I can't wait to read the next!
Weep writing!
your friend,
writerkitty
Again thank you so much for the wonderful review. I am catching onto the comma problem I have when I wrote chapter 6 so hopefully that one will be better.
I'm glad you are finding this gem thing rather interesting, that is kind of the point. And I can't wait to see what you will think of the next chapters.
^-^ Of course!!
I'm just about to read the 6th chapter!
I hope you enjoy it!
hey FlamingPhoenix! StarLord here, with a heavenly review! (xd)
this sentence didn't make sense to me-
Richard watched as Ryan swung another blow at him with his sword, keeping the iron shield up and above his head Richard through one of the throwing knives at Ryan’s legs.
maybe just try using the word above?
and then i think you could remove the word(s?) a bit in this sentence?
Hissing out in pain when the fine blade cut a small part of his skin, Ryan jumped back a bit.
other then that I think your story is great.
Thanks for the review! It was great, I'll see if I can fix it.
your welcome. i'm new here so...
good first impressions are essential to me as the StarLord. after all you can't save the universe when you make a bad first impression on the people your supposed to be saving in the first place. right?
that means be thankful i like your writing. you are honored the great StarLord gave your work such a great review.
so be honored not thankful.
XD Okay I am honored the great StarLord reviews my work. It must be so hard with all the saving you have to do.
Welcome to YWS by the way.
You said it.
and i have one word for you-personification.
StarLord-seriously? Don't you think your stretching this to far?
XD, I don't think there is a to far for him. Lol
Hey! Offensive!
Trust me Phoenix, there is a too far for him. I know this guy in real life.
can't a 19 year have some fun for once?
Oh gosh! O.O There is a to far?
I don't see why not, everyone needs to have fun.
i wondered if you believed that.
I do. Though I don't think your going to far! XD must be because I'm crazy!
Yay! Next chapter!
You are good at writing fight scenes.
I loved the suspense when Rachel spooked Richard.
There are a lot of 'R' names in this, and it gets confusing, so maybe change Ryan or Richards name as I keep getting them mixed up and it's making the flow of the story rougher, because I am constantly trying to remember who is who.
Ok, so here's a few spelling mistakes I found
There logged into the stone on his sword,
There logged into the stone on his sword, it’s silver blade shining in the light, ( I think you mean logged in the stone was his sword.)
Here's a tip that always works: try reading it out loud before publishing it. it will help you find grammar mistakes, and figure out how it reads.
I should go back and read the first chapters of this.
Keep writing!
-Lady Mysterio.
Thanks for the review! I'll think about changing some names.