z

Young Writers Society



I Hold My Own Heart

by Que


I find it curious,

the heart in my hand

still warm, fleshy, beating.

.

It's not made of glass,

as some people say,

and he didn't throw it on the floor

or shatter it.

It's still completely whole,

living,

and I took it out myself.

.

In the cold

hearts slow down

shutting down

so as not to die.

I took mine out

and shut it down

but if the beat slows down too much-

no. I'll be careful.

.

Is it really worth it

to put my heart in a case

a special place where only I can see

and pull it out years later

shake off the dust

and put it back inside,

unscathed?

.

I'd rather fit it up

with a little suit of armor

and no one can ever touch it

if they even know it's there.

.

But instead I do a different thing-

instead I light a match.

The flames engulf my beating heart

glowing and iridescent-

the most spectacular sight

is destruction.

.

And I take what's left into my hands,

a tiny, hard black lump,

I stick it back inside of me

and stitch my chest back up.

.

The burning was significant,

and helpful in the end-

my heart is hard and safe for now,

protected from the world,

but when it's time to work again,

I'll find that it has healed

better than before,

and stronger with the memories.

.

Like the cycle of a Phoenix,

making ashes into life,

I know this day will come again:

.

I will find it curious,

the heart in my hand

still warm, fleshy, beating.

.

What to do?

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125 Reviews

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Reviews: 125

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Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:52 am
PickledChrissy wrote a review...



Heya, Chrissy here for a review!

This is going to be a bit of a short review. I was skimming the greenroom and saw your work. I don't review poetry much, unless it is the worst stuff you've ever seen. Yours doesn't fit into that category. But I was reading it and saw something that looked out of place.

still warm, fleshy, beating


When I first saw this I couldn't make sense of it. I had to go back and read it over. Just stopped me in my tracks. Then I tried to click off the page because I knew I wouldn't be able to find anything else someone else didn't already point out. But it wouldn't let me. I had to say something.

I thought that maybe if you added and between the words fleshy and beating it might fix it. Make it flow better.

still warm, fleshy, and beating


What do you think? :D

And I take what's left into my hands,

a tiny, hard black lump,

I stick it back inside of me

and stitch my chest back up.


This was my favorite part, no contest. The emotion was strong, the word choice perfect.

KEEP WRITING! :D




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415 Reviews

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Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:24 pm
keystrings wrote a review...



Wow. That was so amazing. Great job! I really love the rhythm and the message is just heartbreaking. I like how you put the same stanza (well, almost) at the beginning and at the end. That made it pretty dramatic in my opinion. You are such a powerful writer, with your words and flow. I really can't find much wrong in this, as I'm not totally sure of all the rules for poetry, and rhyming, and all that so, sorry. You're just gonna get a review about your message and such like that. Your stanzas were really strong, and when I read it, I could really feel your emotions, and sheesh that's tough. that's just really sad about the guy, and the cold section was really great!

I can't see much misspellings or mistakes or anything, but I recommend you just take a peek below me and go from there. Lightsong has some pretty good ideas, I think. Maybe just lowercase Phoenix, or maybe you did that on purpose? Lol I wish I could be more of a help, but I can't get over how great this poem is! I love it! You did a wonderful job with this, inserting emotion, inserting heart-wrenching stanzas that really get to the reader. Thanks so much for writing this, and have a great day!

Perks <3




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Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:24 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review your poem! :D

First, the suggestions;

Spoiler! :
I find it curious,

the heart in my hand

still warm, fleshy, beating.


Since these are line breaks, you need an "is" before still, but it'll break the flow, so maybe you can put a hyphen after "hand".

It's not made of glass,

as some people say,

and he didn't throw it on the floor

or shatter it.


I think the tird line is a bit wordy and out of place among these short lines. Removing "on the floor" would make the line shorter and still retain its meaning.

In the cold

hearts slow down

shutting down

so as not to die.


I think punctuations would bring some impact to these lines.

In the cold,
hearts slow down -
shutting down -
so as not to die.


I took mine out

and shut it down

but if the beat slows down too much-

no. I'll be careful.


There's a line too long out there! :o Let's break it into half. Or sorta.

I took mine out
and shut it down
but if the beats slow down
too much - no.
I'll be careful.


... I'm too lazy to go on. Sowee. :D


Anyway, I find this poem sooooo intriguing. The metaphor here is only heart but you've put your creativity into manipulating it, giving us a vivid imagery that would lead to many interpretation. I like this line.

I'd rather fit it up

with a little suit of armor

and no one can ever touch it

if they even know it's there.


I find it emotional.

My interpretation of it is your heart is your soul. In the cold - harsh weather, perhaps a bad situation? - it's better not to think or care about it too much and just shut it down. The persona's action to his/her heart, by burning it, shows how very much something has affected him, and after that emotional breakdown, s/he's refresh, and all. I dunno. That's my interpretation of this work. xD I think it's well-written and very heartfelt. Keep up the good job! :D





pain is that feeling when you are feeling hurt, but it never goes away leaving me hurt. oh it hurts.
— Dragonthorn