Sounds of my Mother Ocean.
Train my ear
to hear the seashells,
call for their mother.
I think the oceans heart,
is beating loud.
I see the waves
drum against the shore,
but I can’t hear anything.
She’s almighty.
No one listens,
but she is the real authority.
I’ve been ignoring
her calls for me.
All for a little dignity
So train my brain to understand,
how to reach out for a mother’s hand.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
As a person who's lived by the sea my whole life I absolutely love the imagery in this work. However, I think you could have so much detail. The shore alone is an area of constant flux so
bring that out in your poem. Mother Ocean's power is in her constant movement.
When you mention her as the real authority, I feel like it's an opportunity to talk about when the Ocean claims the land such as during a hurricane. As a person who's lived on the coast I know that the greatest danger isn't the wind, it's the storm surge from the ocean itself. Perhaps your character can be there after a storm trying to understand Mother's Ocean rage at being ignored and her fury upon the land.
Overall a great work but it leaves me wanting more because you're such a beautiful writer and there's so much more for you to work with.
Its good, but I think you need to be a little bit more detailed or specific.
This is great. I love the imagery. There are only a few errors I see. There shouldn't be a comma after "seashells;" it adds an unnecessary pause. Also, there should be no comma after "heart", and "oceans" should have an apostrophe before the 's' to show that it is possessive. Also, it beats loudly, not loud. I also think that the comma after "understand" is unnecessary, but that may just be personal taste. However, I do think it flows better without it.
Other than those few things, I really loved this piece. The imagery is wonderful and beautiful. I feel a connection to the ocean and water in general, so it really means a lot to me. You are very talented.
I really loved the personification of this, making the ocean something so much larger than just a body of water. So much to one person that this helps me understand what it means, as if it could guide you better than any person. I really enjoyed your wording, human relation to something inanimate. It opens my eyes to something more, something that could only really be understood in one way by someone. And I think that's really cool how you managed to catpture that.