I found you
at the station,
waiting for a cancelled train.
Remember me?
I stood beside you.
We waited in the pouring rain.
I found you
at the fire,
waiting for your home to burn
Remember me?
I stood beside you.
We waited for ourselves to learn.
But we never did grow old.
Or pretty, or smart.
The only way we ever grew,
was further apart.
You found me
at the crime scene,
waiting for the ghosts to die.
Remember them?
They stood beside you.
And waited for your soul to cry.
You found me,
but I saved you.
I really tried to help at least.
Remember me?
You left me here and
grew so tall I could not reach.
But we never did grow old.
Or pretty, or smart.
The only way we ever grew,
was further apart.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hello Love ^ ^
I apologize in advance if my interpretation is not correct, but then again everyone seems to interpret poetry in their own way nowadays.wait.....that's actually a little funny.... So now I'm a bit unsure if I want to tell you what I thought it was about or not o.o Funny how I say things aloud (or type them) and then change my mind (sorry, I can be really self conscious ><) Well, my interpretation aside it was still very interesting and original. your rhyme scheme in particular caught my attention- It's good to see that you've developed your own way of rhyming without following the typical styles or making it halting and choppy (something I am very guilty of). I applaud you ^ ^
Love,
Red <3
Hello there, here for a review.
I really enjoyed this poem. It had a very nice concept, and it flowed beautifully. I really like how you don't rhyme everything, just the third and last berse of every stanza, which makes it easy to read. I especially like the chorus ( Or however you call it when it's in a poem). I find it has a very nice stucture in itself, setting your expectations first, then a verse for suspense, then finally tell us what really happened.
As for the mistakes, which are very few and hardly noticeable, I think (this isn't a mistake but the writer's preference) that it would be better if you capitalized all the beginnings of every verse. However if it was done on purpose, don't change it.
Also, there is this:
You might want to add a question mark at the end if the first verse.
Then
The way you wrote that makes it a bit awkward to read. It is fully understandable but it stops the flow a little. You could try changing it to something like:
That might be a little better.
That's all I have got to say. Again, congratulations, your poem was beautiful, and I will await your works in the writer's spotlight. Good job and keep writing.
-AlfonsoF
I really, really, really love the
"But we never did grow old.
Or pretty, or smart.
The only way we ever grew,
was further apart."
That really stuck with me. I also like the subtle rhyme scheme you had going on and it flowed well. I'm no poetry interpreter but I know a great piece when I see one and this is definitely a great piece.
Chantatertot
I really really love this
it has a nice flow and rythm, the repetition is used fantastically without being TOO repetetive 
the poem came together nicely and I have nothing bad to say about it 
"But we never did grow old.
Or pretty, or smart.
The only way we ever grew,
was further apart."
Was my favorite part. I loved how simple it was, rather than in your fave repetetive
Keep on writing :3
Neko
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I'm guessing it's about a loved one, no? There wasn't really much description, but your feelings were described vividly. A job well done I say! :3