Mommy said; you’re so ugly girl, you must have that from your dad,
he was an ugly bastard, good riddance!
Mommy said; hold on girl you ain’t leaving me, I love you so.
But Mommy you don’t love me, you need me, but I don’t need you.
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Canary word: Present
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140,450 Literary Works • 673,206 Reviews
Hello!
This is very different to most other poems I've read, not that I've read many...
I like the idea of it.
also i liked it, because i was in the same situation. so i know how you feel. but maybe everything is not that bad how you think?
by the way. one interesting fact. u are mad and angry at your mom, but u call her "Mommy". it makes ur story more interesting and realistic
I like it so much!
Keep going!
- Ophelia
This is how i feel...
Hai there! Alex here to review for you and my team!
First off, I found this poem slightly confusing but unlike what the people below me said, I thought it had a slight rhythm to it! I think maybe you could expand this poem to more verses and make the lines shorter. Also, keep in mind that people may not be able to understand what it means. Make it hidden but easy to uncover.
I agree with Kitty, you need to change the title to "Mommy said"
Overall, It was ok a little bit rough around the edges but I like the concept of the child's POV.
Alex out, beep.
I don't understand what this is about.
Hello, Emilie! This is Kitty here for a review!
To start off, this just seem like a really, really short story. There wasn't a lot of flow or rhythm, and if I were you, I would name this poem "Mommy said", to relate to the rest of the poem. The title makes sense if you go further, matching clue against clue, clue supporting clue and etc.
Anyway, here are two other sections of the review you now have!
Okay. I don't understand this. The mother would not marry the father or want to have to do anything with the man, but then WHY? WHY??
The first line feels like there was an abrupt stop at "so" like as if the poem was trying to say something, then it was cut off for some accidental reason.
The last line, however, is actually satisfying. :3 That's nice right?
The poem was short, though it felt a little too short or maybe it need some more flow or rhythm. The words you put in didn't seem to be very helpful to a short poem like this, so STOP RIGHT THERE. Check the poem before submitting it!
Keep writing!
~Kitty
hello!
The way i read your work at first was I thought that there were two persons. But as i read it again and again, i kinda get it a little and i understand what it meant.
For me this is a nice piece but kinda short. This is only based on my opinion so feel free to do anything you like.
Anyways, keep up the good work!