Questions

Hi! Infinity here to review.

Well I found this short poem interesting but has so much more potential to be great and philosophically, is what I think you were going for?

I have a few suggestions that may be helpful to you and your poem.

Since your poem is called "Questions" I was assuming you'd be asking thought provoking questions at some point. I found your poem slightly confusing, especially the beginning and end.

"The snow is too cold
and the sun is too bright,
my bed is too soft,
my tears are too dry."

Firstly the word "too" is overused, it should be used to create emphasis on something but its used almost throughout the poem, which ruins its value, so i suggest you limit the use. Also why is everything too .... why are you feeling like everything isn't as it should be? maybe explain it briefly in the poem because its not clear.

"My thoughts are too messy,
too often I ask why,
without all of these questions
would I die, would I die, would I die?"

Here, stanza two, seems a bit disconnected to the rest of the poem. You say "without all these questions" but you don't actually directly actually ask a question in the poem.. apart from the end.
The "would I die" part seems a bit drastic as the rest of your poem isn't as extreme as you're not asking/thinking questions in relation to death. I'd also prefer it without the repetition of it, it would be more effective if you just said it once, that's my opinion.
You could also expand on your "messy thoughts" tell us why they're messy and poetically create a connection to the reader and your thoughts and feelings.

Overall a good short poem with great potential, just look at it again here and there you may get new inspirations, keep writing!

-Infinity x

Hi Emilie,

I do like short poems, and I do find it possible to give a story and emotions through a few short lines. In this case however, it needs to be a little longer. I wanted to know why she felt this way.

Also, it started to get a little bit dry with all the 'too's' in it and I wanted a bit more variation. Like Blackwood already said, the last line didn't really sum it up enough for me, and I feel like this poem is unfinished.

I think with some editing and variation included, it could be really good. And I'm interested to know what could've happened to this person to make them feel that way. You've got some good ideas there though, like her tears being too dry. Maybe try to add more original ones in there, because using the 'sun is too bright' and 'thoughts too messy' is nothing really new to me. How about comparing her thoughts to twisting vines that dig deep into his/her brain? A little variation always works ^^

Keep writing!

Deanie x

What exactly are you confused about?

I particularly like the line "my tears are too dry".
This tells me that the narrator does not cry even though they think they should.

Unfortunately I do not think the final lines justifies the poem. It seemingly has nothing to do with the whole poem and adds a dreary quality to your simple but light poem. I think that the whole thing could be summed up to a differnt conclusion but it could stay as it is but it might need some rewording.

Hello, lovely! I'm here to critique - and I think I'm going to do this by stanza, and then overall.

First: Nitpicking here, but after "bright" and "soft", your commas should be semicolons. I don't know why, but I don't like the rhyme of "bright/dry" - it's a perfectly suitable loose rhyme, but it feels a little out of place here for some reason. Also, the line "my tears are too dry" makes little sense to me - it's a paradox (or something like that; pardon me, I'm not the brightest in the morning), and it has little place being in that last line. However, I'm not sure with what you could replace it - think on that?

Second: Again, after "messy", you should have a semicolon instead of a comma. Grammar and all that. I really like your triple-repetition and your breaking of meter in the last line, but the thing is -

Well, overall: in this poem, while you've said "I ask why", you haven't actually asked any questions except for that last line. That last line is the only thing the reader has to go on when you say "yeah, I ask questions". For a poem titled Questions, it's surprisingly lacking in them. I know it's a pain to say "add a stanza or two", but you could definitely benefit from adding something in there to emphasise that your thoughts ARE that messy, you DO ask those questions a lot, etc.

Again, I really love the premise, but I would be very excited to see a bit of editing done with this! With a bit of TLC, I think you could turn this into something really cool. (Er. Cool-er. It's cool already, but "cooler" is what brings poetry to the top of the list.)

Hello, Emilie.

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

Despite what other people have said about this poem, the repetition of "too" and "would I die" serve no purpose and only weaken the poem.

What questions are you asking? I only see "would I die?" and why would you die if you didn't ask questions? You say you wrote this poem because you were confused. But it only serves to put the reader in the same position, and there is no point in that.

Why are you complaining about everything in the first stanza? "My tears are too dry" so you're not crying? Do you enjoy crying? Why are you complaining that you're not crying? Your rhyme scheme hijacks the whole poem and makes it illogical.

My suggestion, if you're willing to scavenge what's here, is to focus on the thing you're confused about, rather than asking if you would die if you weren't confused. If you're not confused, studies show that you're less likely to die.
"Hey, Louis, what does that poster say?"
"I dunno, looks like an arrow pointing left. And hey, there's fire on it, too!"
"What do we do?"
"I dunno, it's awfully hot in here, though."
Those guys are confused. If they weren't, they would be able to read the fire exit sign and get out of the building.

Focus on your messy thoughts. What are your messy thoughts? Write them out and see how that goes.

I hope that this review was useful to you. Have a nice day.

I like it! It's very relatable

The repetition of 'too' and 'would I die?' works amazingly.
Keep up the good work!

Hey there!
I rather like this poem.

You have a good narrative structure, and the repetition of "too" brings out your confusion. And the repetition of the would i die, turns the poem into something i wasn't overly expecting. Brava!

I'd personally like more, maybe elaborate on the authors confusion but other than that i think it's great.

Keep it up!

Ross.

Hello Haugaard, Jordin here with a review for you, I hope it help you out some.

Okay, I wanted to say that maybe if you capitalized every letter in the beginning of a line.

Why did you say "would I die" three times and when you said "without ALL THESE QUESTIONS" the way you made that it sounded like you were going to make a list of questions and you ended up making only one, also why would you say that?

Well besides that this poem was good it made a good bit of sense and I loved it a lot.

Remember keep writing and you will get better, gosh I can remember when...Sorry I could go on and on.

Until later good bye

~Jon~

This is short, sweet, simplistic, and gets directly to the point. I like it.

Your rhyming pattern is somewhat inconsistent, and while I do think adjusting it would be a little wise I also believe that in doing so you would lose everything that I like about this poem. Therefore, the inconsistency works here, while so often it takes away from the poem.
In other words, don't change it.

This captured so much of what I felt every night when I was a child, unable to sleep with all the questions running through my head. You made me remember so much of what I had forgotten from back then, during those nights when my brain wouldn't stop. Thank you for that.

Happy Writing!
HT

So I've done this for a long time and this is by-far the biggest misconception with writers and the rhyme scheme. You let the rhyme scheme take you away to somewhere random.. without a purpose. If I can try to put what I am saying in words; it doesn't make any sense. See, what if I made a article and said "If I don't ask questions would I die? For example; The snow is too cold(first of all your not asking why is the snow too cold)" People would think I am a troll or something.

Your thoughts are messy, yes. I just don't see the purpose in including that in a poem. I don't see why you would die if you don't ask questions either.

Content>Rhythm

I feel as if this was rushed so I hope you spend more time in your future poems. I also don't mean to be rude but I feel asif you can do much much better. Specifically because you do have the ears of a poet, you can combine rhyme scheme and rythm most likely, in your head. Although, the hard part is combining rhyme scheme and rythm with content.. to be honest you may learn better when you don't have to worry about rhyme scheme and you just forget it altogether.

Thanks, this is ImHero and you can ask me questions about this review anytime. I wish you the best