Young Writers Society

Beautiful. I love the interlaced doubt in the poem. Because when people write in a diary, they really are writing to themselves, aren't they?
They really are basically giving themselves therapy. The pages will never write back, and they don't know the difference between one person's hands or another's.

The feeling of doubt and hopelessness in the character is beautiful. It's so true, because we can all feel that way. We can all wonder if our voice will ever be heard. Whether we're important enough to be cared about.

Very nicely written, Emilie.
Sylvia.

Hi Emilie! Here to review a fellow team mates poem!

I thought this was a really cool idea to finally get back at your diary, right? I mean all they do is 'listen' to you which seems fine at the time, but sometimes I know what you mean, you do really want a response from them. I haven't written in my diary in a while but still, I totally get an relate to this poem.

As for improvements... hmmm, I can't really spot anything obvious, but I would like to mention the use of question marks. This is a personal pet peeve of mine really, I don't mind them being used, but I really don't like when there are loads of rhetorical questions next to each other. I find that it can get quite distracting, and ruins the flow a bit. Also, it's one of those things where is best used in minimality, so don't over do it I say!

Also, maybe some more description could be added about the diary itself, and maybe you could talk about it's silent crisp pages which don't listen to you. Or how you feel when yo're holding it. That sounds quite odd, but I think it could add more of a personal touch to this whole poem.

All in all, this was a cool poem that I could relate too. I absolutely adored this stanza

My ink is silent.
My thoughts are mute.
My whisper is too quiet,
to break out of this solitude.

I really enjoyed reading your work! It flows really nicely and even though you are rhyming some lines it does not seem forced. I especially like the third stanza, for some reason it stands out to me among the others. The title definitely stands out because I'm almost positive that everyone has tried to keep a diary/journal. And I like how you started the first stanza with "Dear, dear Diary." No complaints here, I just love your poem all the way through Definitely keep up the good work!!

Wow... this is really good!

I enjoyed the twist on everything... as in you wanting the diary to tell you something for once, since we always write our secrets in a diary. To be honest, I think that was very smart!

I don't really have any complaints... just some of your vocab could be a little more interesting. Other than that, it's really awesome.

Well done, keep writing!

-Clarity'xo

I really like this poem. Where other people said that it feels like it sometimes rhymes and sometimes does not and they don't like that, I actually really like that. It may not win any style awards, but it does make it feel more natural in my opinion, as rhyming often forces a poem to be written in ways that don't really fit if you look at it in other ways, and, by making it rhyme partially, the rhyming parts get some strength added.

Furthermore, I can really relate to this work. I might not own a dairy, but I set my words on paper often enough in the hope it might return something. But, of course, the ink remains silent, like you say.

This is beautiful. I can relate with this, because I own a diary myself, and feel the same way.

Hey Emilie,

Beautiful poem. The truth in it is so real. Okay, so I'm not going to try to be negative, but it seems like part of the poem rhymes, and part of it doesn't. In the beginning, you said,

" Dear, dear Diary,
won’t you tell me a secret for once?
I’ve been pouring out my heart here,
but I have gotten no response. "

Alright. So, I don't see a rhyming pattern in this. This is a great stanza, and the perfect way to start the poem. It gives me the idea of what the poem is going to be about, and gives me the idea of why you are writing. Secondly,

"I’ve been telling you my deepest fears,
but do you really listen? Do you really hear? "

In the second stanza, you continue with the concept you introduced in the first stanza. That's good. I find myself wandering when I write poems, and realize it because of my reviews. Okay. So, I noticed that you aren't going by any particular number of lines in each stanza. That's interesting to me. Thirdly,

"Call it therapy; I’ve been talking to myself.
You are nothing but a notebook, sitting on my shelf. "

Okay, so I see a little bit of rhyming in the poem now. I see it kinda started in the second stanza, but it didn't really stand out. The rhyme is kind of off, if you know what I mean. I have that problem too, so I know what it's like. Alright, so next

"But everything I am, no one else has known.
So if you won’t answer me, am I all alone? "

So, I see rhyme. I like the wording. Same concept. Good. Lastly,

"My ink is silent.
My thoughts are mute.
My whisper is too quiet,
to break out of this solitude. "

Rhyming is okay. A lot of truth in this stanza. Last to lines are beautiful. The perfect way to wrap up the poem. Okay, so don't hate me for all that negative stuff. I hate doing it, but it seems necessairy. So, great poem overall. Just the rhyming was the only main thing to me. I like it either rhyme the whole way, or no rhyme at all. Keep writing! Want to read more!

-FCS

I really enjoyed this poem. It has been something I've thought of many times (and probably why I always stopped writing in my diaries. I've started many) But I do have some pointers and comments.

1. The second and third stanzas rhyme A A B B, however the first and fourth stanzas don't really match that. Not only are they half rhymes, they also aren't A A B B. I'f you're going to write a poem that rhymes, you have to keep your rhyming consistent. If you don't want the whole thing to rhyme, slipping in rhymes is more than ok, as long as it mirrors another to some degree. Poetry always seemed symmetrical to me. What you do has to be continued or mirrored. Your rhymes were spot on and didn't seem rushed or forced, which is good, but I'd go back and see if you can do something with the first and forth stanzas. I mean they don't HAVE to rhyme, but it kind of throws it off.

2. You have three lines that start without a capitalized letter. Even if this line continues from the one before, it should always be capitalized. I don't know why, but that was what I was told, so I'm telling you.

3. There is no set rhythm, but I like it, it flows. So good job with that.

And ahh... that's it. Great job! ^.^ I hope this helped.

~Nightlyowl

Good poem. The first and last stanza's are truly the best. The introductory lines pulls the readers in, asking for our attention while the final words of the poem give a conclusion which doesn't leave observers asking for more yet doesn't leave us wondering what this poem was about.

I love this!

[quote]Dear, dear Diary,
won’t you tell me a secret for once?
I’ve been pouring out my heart here,
but I have gotten no response. [/b] I love this stanza because it's a great intoduction with just the amount of imagry.[/b]

I’ve been telling you my deepest fears,
but do you really listen? Do you really hear? I like this because the narrorator is treating the diary like it's actually a person.

Call it therapy; I’ve been talking to myself.
You are nothing but a notebook, sitting on my shelf.
But everything I am, no one else has known.
So if you won’t answer me, am I all alone? this kind of reminds me of "mirror mirror on a wall. xD

My ink is silent.
My thoughts are mute.
My whisper is too quiet,
to break out of this solitude. Perfect ending