If my lashes flutter will I fall apart?

Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

Okay, this poem is really good.
I like how sweet and romantic it is, yet it's saddening and heart-breaking to read.

Nitpicks:

- Okay, in this stanza, I believe you should change the word 'set' into this:

Can I wake up
sitting in ice
so it won´t melt?

Can I only ever see you?
When my eyes are half closed?

Hello, Chippy here with a review.

This was a nice poem, it almost read as if it were lyrical in my view. I really liked the title, it was sweet and clever. It was also quite realistic. However I have some suggestions which may be of help to you.

"I fall asleep
with this tiny piece of
love
stuck on an eyelash."

I liked the idea of this first opening stanza, it was lovely. But in the second line, the word "this", seems slightly off putting when read it sounds a bit awkward. So I would replace it with *a*, so it reads, "I fall asleep with a tiny piece of love stuck on an eyelash". Otherwise, I thought the idea of love on an eyelash was a very creative and wonderful metaphor.

"Can I wake up
set in ice
so it won´t melt?"

The only issue I had here was the second line, "set in ice", it didn't necessarily flow with the rest of the stanza too much.

"Can I wake up
set in your eyes?
I’ll never leave."

Here, I'd avoid repeating "set", in stanzas so close together. I also thought "set" in particular did not fit with referencing eyes.

"Can I only ever see you
when my eyes are half closed?

Can I only ever see me
in your eyes?"

These lines here were confusing to me, i think you should rephrase them for more clarity. They seemed too similar yet having no direct message for the reader to instantaneously understand, which is a shame since it's the final line. They could be more powerful for endings.

Hope this review was of help to you. Keep writing!

--Chippy.

#TheFaultInOurReviews

Hello Emilie! Racket here to review your literature!
First off, I really love this poem. It is artistic and beautiful and the meaning is fairly clear. One thing that kind of confuses me is why you state the question:
"If my lashes flutter, will I fall apart?"
First. I feel as if this question would go best at the end or after the second staor if you just don't ask it at all and let the name of the poem do the work. This is just a suggestion.
What I don't get is the parts in the center of stanzas two and three. I do not know what the "set in ice" and "set in your eyes" parts means. Were these supposed to be say "sit" instead of "set"? That was all that confused me in this well don poem. Normalyy in poetry you capitalize the first letter of every line. You did not do this in your poem. I don't believe it is a necessity of poetry, but it is a common practice that helps a poem be much more fluid.
By the way, I'm sorry if I mispell things in this review; I'm typing on a tablet keyboard and they are hard to use, at least for me.
One thing I see in your poem is that each stanza is a different length. I mean, they each have a different amount of lines in them. It works well in you poem, though it is a bit odd.
In the second stanza, "won't" has weird spacing in between the apostraphe and letters.
This is a wonderful poem. Good job and happy Review Day!
Racket

Hey, Sounds here dropping by to say a few words.

First and foremost, I really enjoyed this poem. I felt it was very thought-provoking and made me think about someone who might be in a rocky relationship with their significant other, or just a friendship in general. Almost like they were trying to salvage a piece of what good remained in their relationship, desperately clinging to what they salvaged in hopes that it does not fall apart.

I feel that the 'seeing' part at the end is a bit of a metaphor. Perhaps they are becoming more and more distant, in spite of trying to salvage. Not necessarily sight, but just with their words. They no longer see eye to eye.

Just my thoughts on it.

I'm not a poet so I'll just say it looks good to me, in regards to any nit-picks I might have. Not that I have any. Don't worry, I don't.

Keep up the good work.

I enjoyed this poem, but I have a few pieces of constructive criticism to hand out....for free!
Anyway, now that I'm done with bad humor.....
Grammar: Good
Vocab: Good
Consistency: Iffy. Confusing.
Capitalization: Not specifically used; no comment
Last lines: VERY CONFUSING. Took me like five minutes to figure out what you meant, perhaps because I've done too many reviews today and feel brain dead, BUT STILL. Revise?

Goodness of ze (I'm feeling artsy) poem: Interesting descriptions and images. Overall well written. Final review: 7.5/10. Keep writing!
+1

Greetings EmilieHaugaard!
Firstly, are you South African? I you are, "Goeie naand, my landsgenoot!"
Back to the review. Of the bat I spot an grammatical error. You said "stuck on a an eyelash", the "a" is not supposed to be there. I admire the technique you used when you placed "love" in its own line. That is symbolic (to me) of the tiny piece which is stuck on your eyelash, AND it emphasizes the word love. Well done
Everything made sense, except the third stanza.
"Can I wake up
set in your eyes,
I'll never leave?"
It's kind of confusing to me, because the first two lines make sense (a normal question), but if you include the last line, I don't get it.
This poem has a very satisfactory plot, thus I will rate this piece 7.0 out of ten. Continue writing!
Sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
P.S. - If you're not South African, I apologize for the assumption. Your name just seems South African, that's all.