Gold (For School)

Hey, En101cats. It's me again! Anyway, let's review your work. I thought it was really good and the flow was going rather well. When you reached the end of this poem, however, it became a little weak.

Gold’s the scent of s’mores.

Gold is gates that hold you back.

Gold can be the coins

That you may love or lack.

~

Gold is a summer sunflower

With petals soft to touch.

Gold is a buzzing bumblebee

Whose stings hurt so much.

I don't know what you could do here but you can always look online for words that rhyme if you need to. The metaphors were well thought out and so were the positive and negative feelings. You could still have the same general idea here though if you just play with it a little bit. Well, again I enjoyed this and I loved that it rhymed. I've always adored poems that do. Keep writing and never get discouraged!

~Keepwriting

Hi there Em101cats! Niteowl here to leave a review on this poem!

Overall, given the requirements of the assignment, I think you did a great job. You have a lot of positive and negative metaphors that are very apt, and the first and last stanzas flow nicely. The last stanza is especially strong, with a well-described positive and negative metaphor.

Gold is a candle, a mirror,

A hot, burning flame.

Gold is a medal

Or boastful fame.

I would take out "a mirror" here, then the meter is just right. With rhyming poems, the meter (number and type of syllables) becomes really important. If you sense that something is "off" in a rhyming poem, it's probably the meter.

The greeting card and s'more references are kind of weak. Maybe they'd work if you explained them better. For example, "Gold is a friendship/Shared with a greeting card" or something like that.

Gold’s the scent of s’mores.

Gold is gates that hold you back.

Gold can be the coins

That you may love or lack.

Here I like the ideas, but the meter's different in every line, making it feel strange. The second and fourth lines have the same number of syllables, but the first and third don't. I would make the first and third match syllable-wise as well. Also, the second line is awkwardly worded.

Overall, I think you did a good job with a lot of interesting metaphors for the color gold, especially since you say you're not a poet. Good job and keep writing!

Hey, Dogs here to review, and you can count on me to help you out my friend! So, let's get started.

First off, I really love your poem, I could never think of something as wonderful and powerful as this.

Let's start with nitpicks and suggestions shall we.
*Remember not being harsh or rude. Don't take this personally, I'm here to help!*

1: something that just didn't make since to me is one certain piece of this poem, I don't suggest you change it, because it rhymes, but it just doesn't make since to me that much.

Gold’s the scent of s’mores.

Gold is gates that hold you back.

In this stanza it's a great rhyme. (back and lack.). The part I didn't understand though was "gold's the scent of s'mores." I don't know, it just doesn't seem right to me. It's right, I know, but it just doesn't feel right. I'm sure you can relate. I don't really know how to explain it, I just don't understand what you mean.

2: I'm just going to go ahead and point this out...
You use all metaphors and no similes. That's totally fine since you said you said in the end that is was similes and/or metaphors. I just thought to point that out. That's not really a nitpick or suggestion, just going to go ahead and point that out, because I thought you should know.

Side-note: Remember (even though I'm pretty sure you know this xD) similes are a comparison between two objects or whatever that use like or as. Metaphors are comparisons between two objects or things or whatever that do not use like or as.

I don't really have any more nitpicks/suggestions (if those even helped). So let's move on.

Rhyme: Rhyming, definitely not my thing either. I absolutely suck at rhyming, so don't come to me for rhyming advice. xD!
As far as I can see though, your had great rhyme. I can't rhyme, usually my poems are without rhyme. You have a great rhyming scheme, and I can't top it. Great job with that. What you have for that part of your project I'm sure you will get an A+++ (even though that's not a thing. xD)

Another side-note: Bee stings do hurt... Trust me! xD

Moving on from my weirdness...!

That's really all I have too say. What you have here (in my opinion) is some A+ work. I hope you get a great grade on this assignment, because if I were your teacher, I definitely, no doubt about it, would give you an A+++ on this assignment. xD.

I really love your poem with the wonderful great rhyme scheme. All of your metaphors and similes were great too!

Keep up the fantastic writing,
Love,
Dogs <3