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My Lovely Orchid

by Vulcanite

My Lovely Orchid

I smile to look,

at my loving,

orchid sitting on my desk,

its blooming flowers so pretty,

as it blooms its summer pink white ness.

Its leaves so pure and green,

Its roots spreading in to the soft sole,

With its stems shooting up to the ceiling.

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1011 Reviews

Points: 120415
Reviews: 1011

Sun Mar 31, 2019 11:38 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...

Hi Eagle, this is a nice short nature poem.

Just a few spelling mistakes:

"sole" should be ----> "soil"
"white ness" should be ------> "whiteness"
"in to" should be ------> "into"

I think that maybe the commas weren't need at the end of every line - it sort of chopped up the reading a bit. I did like that in the set up though of the first two lines, I thought perhaps the speaker was looking at a person - then we learn that it's really an orchid plant! That's a good twist, and you could have delayed the reveal even longer to build drama if you wanted.

You use a good metaphor to say that the stems are "shooting up to the ceiling" I would love more comparisons in here to build up that great imagery you have.

Overall though, I think this poem was primarily descriptive and for a poem about flowers that's really fine! Sometimes a short reflection on the nature of something beautiful, doesn't need much added - and this poem is a good example of that. Simple, but direct.

Well done Eagle! And good luck in National Poetry Month!


Vulcanite says...

Thanks alliyah for you kind and grate words it helps me a lot, and yeah I will go and ficks the spelling mistakes when i can, also Good luck in National Poetry Month as well. :D

alliyah says...

It will be a great month!

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18 Reviews

Points: 2105
Reviews: 18

Wed Mar 27, 2019 2:54 am
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metrophobia says...

There is something very sweet about this poem. I do like its simple imagery - it captures a moment for the speaker so that the reader can experience it too. Well done!


Vulcanite says...

Aww, <3 thank you, I am really happy to here that. :wink:

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9 Reviews

Points: 417
Reviews: 9

Mon Mar 25, 2019 9:23 am
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shipra10 says...

Hi! Though your poem is short,it has an awesome power of visualising.I really appreciate it.

Vulcanite says...

I am so happy to here, may I ask are you new to YWS, if you are then welcome. :D

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34 Reviews

Points: 48
Reviews: 34

Sun Mar 24, 2019 2:48 pm
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Chitz says...

its quite realistic! i like it.

Vulcanite says...

Thanks I am really happy to here that. :D

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61 Reviews

Points: 4338
Reviews: 61

Sat Mar 23, 2019 2:48 am
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OofOof1 says...

I really like the poem, I'm sorry I forgotten to follow you earlier.

Vulcanite says...

Thanks, and that's okay everyone does it sometimes. :D

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Fri Mar 22, 2019 3:04 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for my little sis on this lovely day.
Okay let's get to it.

Let's start of by saying this was a really well written poem, I could feel the emotion, and I could see the sweet delicate image you have written down so well. I can say that a few things could be changed up a bit, but I'll get to those in a sec.
This is one of your shorter poems, but funny enough I liked it, it was short but oh so sweet, and I really like that about your poems.
You always tend to take really small things, and make them bloom into such a wonderful poem. That is very pleasing to read, and sometimes a really good laugh along with it.

Okay now onto the review.

The first thing I saw was with your first line, It just needs to be changed up a little.

I smile to look,

I do think this sentence will flow better if you changed the "to" into a and. I just think it will flow better, but you don't have to if you don't agree.

Okay onto the next line.
as it blooms its summer pink white ness.

Okay so the word "white ness" I have in bold is spelt like this "Whiteness". It is one word. this is just a small spelling mistake. As you have seen in my chapters, I have a lot to.
Okay the other word "Blooms" there is nothing wrong with it, just that in the sentence before it you said "Blooming." So you are using the same word twice in a row, so maybe you could change it to blossoms, or something like that.

Okay the next and last thing.
Its roots spreading in to the soft sole,

Now the word in bold is spelt right, but I do believe you meant to say soil. What you have said is a part of your foot, so yeah, silly mistake. Lol.

Okay so I really enjoyed reading and reviewing your poem. It's just something about your poems, that makes my day feel complete, so don't ever stop writing, and I do hope to see more of your amazing works out on YWS soon. Have a great day.

Your sister
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Vulcanite says...

Thanks for the reveiw it was really nice sis, also yeah I make mistakes just like you do. :D

I'm glad I got the time to help you out. :D

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21 Reviews

Points: 829
Reviews: 21

Fri Mar 22, 2019 2:44 am
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starchaser wrote a review...

Hello! I enjoyed your poem. I liked how descriptive it was. However, I have to criticize some parts.

"I smile to look,/at my loving," I did not understand these lines. I would omit the smiling part--the poem already conveys peaceful joy.

"its blooming flowers so pretty,/as it blooms its summer pink white ness." Using "blooming" and "bloom" within a line of each other seems a bit repetitive. I'm also not too much of a fan of "As it blooms its summer pink white ness". I would probably describe it with something else--maybe a summer sunset?

I liked the next two lines.

"With its stems shooting up to the sealing."--It is spelled "ceiling", not "sealing".

I personally believe that using commas in poetry isn't very aesthetic, but your poem, your choice.

Thank you for sharing your poem, and I hope to see more from you in the future!

Vulcanite says...

Thanks for the review it really helps me a lot. :D

Everything has a consequence and every consequence leads to death.
— kattee