to where the wind blows

by Dreamwalker

  • Poetry
  • Lyrical · Narrative

Published May 30, 2012

In old poetry

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my threads are fraying from years of use
sipping too much coffee and writing
too few words
the way time clumps pebbles in my outstretched joints
rocky motions as I sway little
but adamant, where my feet plant cold and hard
and the snow caps my tired eyelids
i could have stood still for the rest of my life
clinging to those cool shallow mornings
bursting red and blue flowers in my peripheral vision
while the clothing wears thin on my
lifeless skin
 
but you’re like the wind, changing
growing fast and large and singing across the back of my neck
coming on too strongly, shuffling and crumpling
my edges smooth, like the granite countertops
i hated, or the shiny pendants you loved

tell me which direction brought you
closer to what you seek
and i would wait till my flesh whittled
down to polished ivory bone
i could crumble into dust then and be with you always
a decimated version of myself
so that when you venture away from here
you could always look forward
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
octopi
Review
octopi wrote a review Review · May 31, 2012

this is an amazing piece, I'll start with this. I love the concept, and you are an excellent writer/poet.
there are two things, though, that I feel I should point out:
the first thing is, some of the formatting threw me off a bit. Like when you say
"sipping too much coffee and writing
too few words"
I had though you stopped at the first line, and then you continued. For me, to make it a little clearer, I would have make it something like
"sipping too much coffee
and writing too few words"
Or something like that.

The second thing is, when I started reading, I though it was about writing, and then you added the "you" point of veiw and I saw that it was about a relationship, which confused me.

But overall, this is a very well-written piece, which I admire. And you really don't need to change anything if you don't want to, I just felt I should point these things out. But great job!
keep writng.
~McKie

User avatar
creativityrules
Comment
creativityrules commented Comment · May 31, 2012

Yes! I'm the first one to 'like' this! :) I feel so priveleged.

Anyway, gorgeous piece. At the moment, I don't have time to give it a review that will do it justice, so I'll just say it's wonderful. :D

-Rosie



I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec