3358 kilometers

by Dreamwalker

  • Poetry
  • Lyrical · Narrative

Published July 22, 2012

In old poetry

PreviousNext
I’m sleeping alone
catching images of you in coffee cups
and music to loud to fall into each note
but you’re still here, tiptoeing along every unwanted ray,
piercing daggers through my bedroom window
and my eyes burn from the sun, and the morning, and you.
yet the pillow is warm, and the sheets inviting
and I cling desperately to sleep.
 
it’s the way of the world, they say,
to dream of only good things so that when you wake
your morning is a shade too bright
and the blankets too warm, suffocating even.
but there is space, vast and empty;
a plain of wheat fields in Saskatoon where you should be
lying in crop circles of flattened satin.
 
you’re too high up, touching clouds -
a model of British integrity and Columbian aesthetics -
peering down where inches equate miles
and centimeters pass between the nearest text.
I am stuck in Montreal, where the only voice I know is mine
and getting drunk on consolations spares the guilt of sleeping in.
the only place I know you lies with rest.
 
so I’ll sleep alone to find you there.
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
TheTaleAsOldAsTime
Review
TheTaleAsOldAsTime wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2012

Hello Dreamwalker.!

Your writing is amazing. I love it so much. You write with such description, emotion and creativity. I look forward to your work. I think this poem is one of the best poems I have reviewed today. Keep up the great work because you have so much talent.!

~Tale xxx

User avatar
qaralynn
Review
qaralynn wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2012

DREAMWALKER! 8DDD *pulls open her box of gummybears*

Here I am again! Woot! =P See it as a compliment. Your work just keeps pulling me back for more! =O And I have to say that your avvie is quite motivating when I'm trying to pen down another review...the whole thoughtful stare and all that...very deep! =P And I am first to review this awesome piece!

Alright, let us get to it then! =D I absolutely love the imagery you used in this piece. You always use such funny and unique metaphors and you keep impressing me with them! So jealous of your talent.

I won't say anything about using capital first letters anymore, because it just seems to be your style to not use them. =) I couldn't find anything wrong with the punctuation either.

There is one little nitpick I have though and that's just a minor spelling error.

and music to loud to fall into each note

I think the 'to' here should be "too".

That was it for the nitpicks, I couldn't find anything else wrong with this poem! ^^

I really love the ending phrase. It really adds to the whole little world you've created there with only 3 stanzas (=O). Great title also, really triggered me to click the link and read it. And I am very glad that I did because once again you have really delivered.

My favorite part would be:
it’s the way of the world, they say,
to dream of only good things so that when you wake
your morning is a shade too bright
and the blankets too warm, suffocating even.

It's really beautiful and I totally read this part like four times.

Hope I helped a bit and keep writing awesome stuff like this! =D

qaralynn



Pigeon poop is the best way to solve problems.
— Pompadour