And when you wake, you'll know

Haiiii! Okay so I haven't reviewed in forever and am sure to be a little bit rusty. That said, let's take a look at what you have here...

Title: Love this. It caught my eye and there's a lovely tone to it which fits snugly with the rest of the poem. Very well chosen.

Specifics:

tell me when you close your eyes <<< Good decision to start with an imperative, it draws the reader in nicely
and the world starts spinning where <<< Not sure about your line break here. I kind of want where to be on the next line
it once stood still, back straight,
chin up. Ideal.
colours ran along the canvas
of your empty mind, brushstrokes <<< I don't like these two lines so much, they're bordering on cliche. I've seen a lot of creativity based poems and there always seem to be canvas skins and empty minds. Maybe shake things up a little, go for something more specific or detailed. Like drawing board, watercolour, EtchOSketch instead of canvas. And water pot, mixing easel or something instead of empty mind. Think a little deeper.
steady. thick applications
from a shaky, assailable wrist.

where did he take you, then? <<<< I don't think you need the then, it sounds better without.
across the torrents of morbidity
in your reckless imagination.
sputtering about wildly like some <<<< I'm not sure that I like the sudden bombshell of colloquial language. It doesn't suit your speaker, not after assailable and torrents, morbidity. It makes for a jarring contrast.
golden trout.
a reminder that all things beautiful
must end. And so will you; beached,
moisture seeping from your bones.

i wonder if the blanket soothes you
cradled in the blackness of your
fictitious memories. <<< It's a lovely phrase but quite difficult to read. Not sure where I stand on this one but thought I'd point it out.
a testament to those better days
never had, never cherished. not
for you, for anyone who strains to
hold sand. or for him, with which
your pages he has written <<< I'd like to see a smoother transition from this line to the next.

to be or not to be.
of which question there is no answer. <<< Not sure I like your ending. References are always fun but this one does nothing for you and the final line is just plain awkward. Maybe try something else, a quick example would be breaking the mold, like:

to be or not
to exist.

That way you still get the reference in but it's less obvious and makes more of a statement without being overstated?

Overall, I like this. I think it needs another look over and the language could be tweaked here and there. I'd also question your lack of capitalisation: it works wonderfully in some poems but I'm not sure what effect you intended it to have here, particularly since you left the rest of the grammar alone? I'd suggest if you're going to remove the capitals, you need to take out the punctuation as well.

Thanks for the read and let me know if you've got any questions!

Heather xxx

Okay, so. I'm going to be a "bad" reviewer and basically just say I love this. I mean, really. I generally dislike unusual lowercase in poetry (I know, I know, think of e.e. cummings and such, but it still bothers me); however, the unusual lowercase in this poem was enjoyed. Your structure is also interesting, to say the least. I've seen a poetry that crawled across pages like blocks stacked up haphazardly that went with the message and yours, being how it is, seems to fit, I think. Otherwise, the unusual wording always gets me and yours managed that quite nicely, which was good.

The only problem I notice is the fact I'm relatively certain what is going on (person is remembering, there's a male that's important), but I'm not entirely sure what emotion I should be getting. I get the beauty of the language and it's rather poignant, but I feel like I don't quite understand. I'd like to think I'm rather good at getting poetry. I enjoy reading it and tend to be like, "Oh, this is about happiness relating to nature--this guy's on a walk and he seems pretty excited." Or: "This guy is comparing a caged bird to a degraded second class citizen."

I suppose I could be missing what's in front of my nose. Maybe I'm being a dunderhead and need an explanation. Not quite sure.

Anyway, it was gorgeous and, yeah, I liked it. Obviously.

Keep writing,
Cas

Bby. <3

It's so beautiful to see your beautiful poetry sitting beautifully in the beautiful literary section. Remember, I haven't reviewed in a long while, so take my comments with a grain of salt...except for the praise. Keep the praise, kthanks.

You know I'll never complain about starting a poem off in that Sikenesque imperative tone, but there's something about the flow within the demand in the first sentence (lines 1-3.5) that doesn't quite work for the momentum it demands. Now, remember this is coming from me, and my lines are usually twice as long as yours (i don't even), so it's possibly just a personal preference. In line two, I'm unsure how I feel about the use of "where" as a preposition implication. I totally understand it, and it works, but I think it's one of the minor places where you can jazz things up a bit.

Line four is love, just so you know.

Now, the pairing of colors : canvas really doesn't work for me--it feels much too cliche for you, and you know you can do better~ Between brushstrokes and assailable wrist, though, you win my heart back. Not many people who use the color-canvas-brushstrokes-of-emotion image describe the actual brushstrokes. So I love you.

Stanza two picks up a very nice momentum...until "golden trout". It sounds like a Canadian nasty. However, right after your fishy line, your imagery gets beautiful again. ;touchesface; (also, I keep wanting to negate capitalization in this review. SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME.)

"Fictitious memories" could be much better. I'm trying to establish a theory that says that pairing a 3-syllable adjective with a 3-syllable noun has a bad flow, and it applies here. The general motif that you bring out in stanza three made me re-read the first two stanzas, looking for a hint of connection. I'm not sure it's completely there, so I'd like to see some unity woven through the piece, even as you may evolve your concept throughout.

The final two lines are questionable as an ending. I'm unsure what you could do with them, but while they serve your overwhelmed-death-suicide mood, they do so in a very cliche manner. So do some experimenting. Find out which works for you.

Take all my love. <3