she tastes like cherry coke and cigarettes,
each breathe the beating of a candle’s flicker --
and she sparks; a reddish hue, that burns
and impassions with each sullen flame,
or the ashy tip that lightens with each drag.
sucking smoke and swallowing each moment
till the mist of her colour sinks within
and all that’s left is grey.
marking my mouth with the red of her lips,
she peels the skin back, revealing,
and mocking with what she already stole.
cold and listless peering from fiery flesh
that aches to be and to feel, yet only knows.
i cling to her; scorched, branded paper
and though she seeps her soul in each kiss
the heat merely ignites and destroys me.
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140,739 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
I really liked this poem, and for something with an uncommon meter and no rhyme scheme like this, that doesn't get typed into my keyboard often
. I really liked the metaphor, but I do feel like it could be emphasized a bit better. What is going on that's causing this feeling of love-hate? What is the narrator's point of view on the topic? How does he/she feel? What emotions are brought about by such turmoil? I had to read through this a couple of times before I could begin to answer those questions. My suggestion would be adding a stanza or a few lines in the middle, to emphasize the love-hate, and to explain the metaphor in greater detail. For those who don't smoke, this poem would be hard to understand without a little more emphasis on the explanation of the situation. 
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Goodluck! You're going a great job, don't stop writing
Hi there dreamwalker.
Love the ending. Beautiful!
I walked on by this poem yesterday, and I loved it. But I see that for some strange and unknown reason, no one has commented on it. So I'm here to solve that.
I love the first line, your metaphor is lovely and uncommon, far away from what they call clichè, which makes the reader get attracted to the poem. And get a sweet hint of what the poem is about. I guess with that line, you meant to say she makes the character feel the bittersweet ambivalence, and that was very important for us to get to understand the poem better. Kudos! While, the second stanza, seems to let us re-confirm what we analyzed from the first line.
From this poem, the line that amazed me the most is the first one... obvious, right?
Keep writing!
~Solly<3